[rrobin]

I hope to find a parent in a similar situation who can perhaps advise me on there coping methods?

My situation

Loving son almost seventeen addicted to weed and other drugs ,,not gone to school for two years now does nothing his anger recently exploded to the point of police removing him agsin only difference this time I wouldn’t have him back he has now been taken to a semi sheltered accommodation. I thought this would shock him straight as he is totally pampered but he is enjoying his freedom and mixing with young people with “ similar interests” as in drugs

I am trying to engage as many services as I can to help him , emails meetings ect to push forward with social services as they are pressuring me to have him back

I am coming to terms with this slowly but his drug addicted manipulation of me is soul destroying

I work more Than full time and love him desperately but I am constantly messaged ,,sweet to start then threatening and abusing when I say no that ,, he’s out of food can I transfer him money ,, he’s stranded out somewhere and needs cab money back ,, and yes I have on many occasions moving the money for him ,,I can no longer help him financially , there’s nothing left

I know he is using learnt behaviour because I’ve always fixed everything in the past and rarely said no , but now I’m saying no and it’s heart breaking to the point that life’s just not worth living

Hoping someone can relate to this tough love and perhaps offer some tips for coping

Many thanks

[desperate]

Hi there. I can relate to this. I was the same always giving in. Both mine have and still are there. I threw the worst one out 1 1/2 years ago. Stuck to my guns( I knew he was fine as sofa surfing at family/ friends). Due to mental health long story short he was housed. Lovely flat, he is 26 baring in mind I have been through the same as you. Abusive threatened because I say no(still do). He still continues to do weed and coke but it’s his home his choices. When he’s no money left I say no now. He makes his choices and he needs to learn. It’s a bit different for you at the moment as you are where I was 10 years ago. It’s hard it is draining but stick to your guns and let the authorities house him. Tell them you can’t cope and it’s effecting you both mentally and they will have to accommodate him. My son was never going to change and is still continuing to do what he wants, but it’s not an every day thing now as when he has no money left then he has to wait till he gets his next lot. I wish I had done this years ago as he’s learning slowly that no means no. He’s not going to stop the drugs or the gambling. I have meltdowns still where I can’t cope as I am also going through the same thing with my other son who’s still at home. Although he’s not demanding is older and works hard. Just the drugs and the gambling again. My older two do not have anything to do with them as they are against drugs etc. Keep saying no, it’s draining and makes you feel guilty but it works. I do cook for him when he is out of food. I do lend the odd fiver only now and again for milk or baccy. Which am guessing some people would say it’s wrong but it works for me. When they can do the things they want without a parent keep going on at them sometimes they tire of doing the same thing all the time with freedom. I may sound calm at the moment but believe me I am still going through hell just I get a couple days rest bite here and there. Hope this helps. Read some of the other posts. I joined yesterday and it actually calmed me down a little knowing that I am not alone. Far too much to go into this is just a the tip of the iceberg. Here if you need to talk x

[rrobin]

Thank you so much for your kind reply it does make me feel better knowing that there are other parents are going through this I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles that is extremely heartbreaking and soul destroying to see your child in such a desperate state and having to say no because is the best thing for them I wanna just come to this realisation I think everyone needs to hit the bottom before they can start to say no and I be hit mine

It’s reassuring to know there is life after thisI would like to message more when I’m home after work thanks again for your kind reply , it has helped enormously

[paula]

Dear RRobin and desperate, I am so sorry to hear your stories. I too have an addicted son whose behaviour is slowly destroying our family. Just this week he has smashed his car , been mugged after being thrown out of a nightclub for using and spouted yet more lies and manipulation to his family including his beloved grandparents. His behaviour is destroying our family but I am having to hold it together and have come to realise that this means withdrawing from him for the sake of everyone else. He is going to have to take the consequences be it prison or whatever. I am so sorry for you both and wish I could help. Not sure why we all have been given this to bear xx

[rrobin]

I understand were you are coming from it’s heartbreaking to watch them fall but know you can’t hrlp them ,,,yes it seems your son will have to hit bottom ,just as mine will and hope ,, that’s all I have left

I am also trying to hold my family together the strain is almost unbearable but we go on because it’s what mums do

I hope we can all have some peace in our lives

[desperate]

Paula sorry to hear yet another post of addiction. It seems to be the norm now. Even though we try to detach ourselves it is always at the back of our minds. I am glad my two do not drive as that would only be another added worry. I see through their lies now although one is more open than the other. That’s what the drugs do to them. I don’t see an end to it all either as it’s been going on for so long. I feel so sorry for the people who are coping with the heroin addiction. I saw how it destroyed an old friend and she turned from that to alcohol and passed away at the young age of 36.I tried helping her but it was all about lies, deceit and pure selfishness. In a way I count myself as lucky in the fact that they have not turned to that. I have the constant worry of suicide as taking drugs with mental health issues do not mix well on their come down. All we can all do is try to live our lives and not let them keep destroying us. Easier said than done. Sometimes your mind gets so fed up of the constant worry of what’s going to happen next. Talking to people going through the same does give you that little bit of release as we must all be at our wits end to have to come on line looking for help and we all ended up here. It’s certainly helped me the past two days and it has been quiet at home as no dramas. Till the next time. Chin up and stay strong. And Thankyou to all that have helped me x

[Author]

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