[alicex]

I am the mother of a son and daughter. I have done what I thought was my best to bring up my children. I always thought they would come to me with their problems, they had been brought up not to take drugs, mix with the wrong crowd, have minds of their own.
I didnt realise at the time how powerful drug addiction can be. Ive been told it starts off like something that make you feel good to something that changes your whole life, has power over your thoughts, the power to destroy lives, brings lies and deciept along with heartache, lots of heartache. It is a true enemy.
My son came to me for help, his addiction had gone on for a long time, he covered it by lieing, avoidance and pushing me away as to not ask questions.
I watched him crumble, break his heart. He hadnt known when he began using the devil Cocaine how it grasps you. He could see no good just bad. He wanted to make everyone else as unhappy as he was.
I watched my child deteriorate, he was dying and no matter what I did I couldn’t fix it. I had taken him to therapy, to groups, but he fought against it. He used to say, Ive not taken any for two weeks, I knew he was lying but didn’t have the proof. It was hard because I was threatened by the fact he may harm himself, yet I was enabling him to carry on using.
This was the worst thing I have ever experienced. If I could have taken his place I would have.
It came to breaking point after months of hell. I had followed him, I used to de tour when at work to check he was alive.But this time I could not give in, he was painfully thin, grey, unclean and cared about only one thing. The drug.
Myself and my daughter had tried so hard, trying to show him the good things he has in his life.
I prayed that I could pick him up and hand him over to someone else because this was also killing me, I wasnt capable I was too emotionally attached.
I manged to get him to see Two special friends of mine. It was a case of ringing the police or him going to rehab. I was fortunate they took him on board and he went to re hab. When he went it was such a relief, strange though I cried for days, it was as though he had died.
The dealers came looking soon after he had gone, I wonder if they had children if it was what they would want for them. I was angry with them, but I had to forget my hatred for them, they couldnt touch him now. I had to accept that my son hadnt to look for blame he needed to realise it was a choice and he had chosen wrong.
He is clean now and hopefully will have a good life, the nightmares still occur, there is no destination just progress. I have had lots of conversations with him regarding his addiction. He has been able to tell me of the horrors of it all. I hope he will never forget.
My heart goes out to parents and family out there who I know will be starting this journey and as I was aching to find an answer.
I wish there was an easy answer, all I know is that by sharing it helps. I kept it secret for too long thinking I was helping and saving his life.
Alicex

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