Hi Just
Welcome to the forum, please stay strong, confide in someone who can support you.
If it’s cocaine, join CA groups or Narcotics Anonymous. These guys are so supportive and helpful. They totally understand as many are in recovery and know how you feel.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions and thanks to them and and a whole lot of willpower, he’s over 1 year clean.
You can do this too Just. Read Danman83 and Jamesb posts, they are both guys in recovery who post here .
In the meantime, take care of yourself, the best you can.
Lx ❤️