[michelle.hourigan@live.ie]

My partner is 32 we have been together 4 years but alcohol is ruining our lives . He holds down a job and didn’t use to drink on weeknights however in last few months if I’m not there in the evening (I work shifts) 9 out of 10 times I come home to him passed out drunk. He drinks shoulders of vodka straight. He is starting to miss work now. He knows he has a problem and wants help but nothing seems to work as he doesn’t give things like AA a chance . He says when he drinks he hears voices in his head and is constantly fighting these . When he is drunk I am worried he would self harm I have found a knife beside him in bed and he can’t remember how it got there.

I am worried sick any night I’m working what I will come home too. I get so angry because I feel he needs a babysitter. He has done stupid shit before like leave the oven on or leave the house unlocked etc. He can’t even speak or walk when he gets drunk and I’m scared he will set the house on fire or hurt himself. He 100% wants help but doesn’t know where to start ..do we address the mental health issues first or the addiction or both..can any one recommend resources available for him ..we are based in Ireland

[peppermint]

(sorry I decided to remove this post)

[leda]

When he says he 100% wants help- he needs to go and take agency and sort that himself. It is not your responsibility. He can go to his doctor and get advice from there.

[michelle.hourigan@live.ie]

Thanks..he has started seeing a counsellor once a week he was doing good didn’t do any drink or drugs for 11 days but tonight we have a stupid fight (nothing related to his drinking ) he got angry stormed off bought a shoulder of vodka I said nothing when he came in he then told me he was getting more when he came back the second time I said to him you haven’t opened it yet you can still change the situation he didn’t listen he went into the room and drank it and then he went and got cocaine. I said nothing there is no point . Last week he was talking bout us buying a house what a joke . This guy is so unreliable i can’t plan a future to be honest not even sure if I love hime any more..time to go I think .

[leda]

I think you hit the nail on the head- you can’t plan a future with him. If anything, your confidence and self esteem will just be more and more eroded over time. It’s a kind of emotional blackmail when you are used as an excuse for their relapse. It sounds like you are a “carer” type person(I am too) but don’t make this man your project. Please put yourself first.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Becky,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time dealing with your partner’s alcoholism. I hope that seeing a counsellor will help him but it’s tough for you. If you would like some help for yourself please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people going through what you are as we know how difficult it is living with addiction in the family. If you contact us one of our Family Friends will be in touch with you. They are trained and experienced and will be able to offer you a range of help.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[michelle.hourigan@live.ie]

Thanks so much

[michelle.hourigan@live.ie]

I have made the decision to leave my partner. I am just struggling with guilt as I feel like i am leaving him at his most vaulnerable. I only feel pity for him there is no love left anymore. Does anyone who has left their addict partner have any advice on how to deal with the guilt ..thanks

[Author]

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