[kitty130]

My ex had a nervous breakdown last year and he says he started using cocaine to help him deal with his suicidal feelings.

I’m not convinced and I think it probably contributed to his breakdown.

He admitted to me in January that he had become addicted to cocaine. But he also had an addiction to Valium, codine and sleeping pills. He would take a concoction of drugs daily without a care. I would wake up in the morning wondering if I would find him dead.

I tried to help him quit. I tried to get him in to rehab but nothing worked. He wouldn’t go and said he could do it by himself.

My ex became abusive towards me. He would blame me for everything, make threats, threaten suicide if I left, use all day and be up all night, lie, Not spending any time with me or our daughter and if I ever asked him to he would go mad telling me I’m accusing him of being a bad dad. He would leave pills around, making it dangerous for my daughter.

It got to the point where he asked me to leave to give him some space. But he just continued to use drugs and it became too much of a risk for me and my daughter to return home until he got clean.

The abuse got worse. I tried to get help from his parents but they made things worse. They’re enablers; they’d rather pay his drugs bill than believe me and help.

I got to the point where I had to call the police; They gave him a caution. I thought this might make him realise what he’s doing but no, He carried on.

We’re now at a point where he is under investigation for harassment and he has filed for shared care of our daughter. He doesn’t take any responsibility for what he’s done and continues to blame me for the whole situation.

I still love him very much but I just want what’s best for my daughter. I don’t want her to be affected by his drug misuse. I feel like I’m stuck in a horrible situation that I have no control over.

[ash2013]

Hi Kitty,

Bless you, it sounds like you are struggling 🙁

Please don’t worry – he won’t have a hope in hell of getting shared custody with his background. Document everything.

You need to look after you and your little girl, he is not your problem. I know you wont want to see him spiral, or you dont want your actions to affect him, but honestly, look at the last year and ask yourself does he care about how his actions affect you?

Btw – using coke to get over a mental breakdown is total rubbish. That will make you worse, not better!

Are you living with him still or have you moved out?

x

[kitty130]

Hi Ash, thanks for the reply.

I’m living with family now. We’re about 40 minutes away from my ex and he has bail conditions not to contact me.

he’s making himself look like he’s normal now but I feel like I’m falling apart under the pressure of it all.

He has to undertake a drugs test for the child contact case but he’s ordered detox shampoo in the hope that he will be able to cheat the system.

I feel like nobody else can see it. I don’t understand how so many people can be fooled by him.

It’s such a stressful time but I do it to shield my daughter from the chaos.

X

[ash2013]

They become masters of deception Kitty. Although the truth always comes out.

I’m pleased you are away from the chaos. Is the drug test a hair strand then? as opposed to blood test…. next he’ll shave his hair off…..

I hope you have support from your family and friends. I did from friends, family didn’t know and still don’t. Although I always felt like I was telling the same story over and over, i’m sure they got bored of listening to me! Its funny, I normalised many many situations that were FAR from normal, it just became my life.

Keep texts (although mine started being careful what he text because he knew I could use it against him) record conversations if you can, keep a diary.

I’m always here when you need to talk x

[kitty130]

I kept things from my family for a long time. But he dragged them in to our mess a long time ago. Now things are in the open it’s much easier. But I do find it difficult to talk to them about some stuff, I don’t feel like they really understand what I’m going through.

Yes, it’s a hair strand test. He has really short hair anyway so I think they will have to use body hair. It will look rather suspect if he’s saved all over when they. One to take the sample.

I’ve got lots of evidence and keep a diary of everything. I think I should work for MI5.

Does your ex show any remorse? I’m hoping that one day it will come but I think I’m kidding myself ????

X

[ash2013]

Btw – mine was using cocaine, alcohol, and diazepam (the latter to hide the first from me) except I still knew, you just know. Oh and another sleeping aid prescribed by the dr!

If he’s using all that too, no detox shampoo is going to help him! They possibly reduce levels shown, but not totally.

x

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