[leeds28]

I’ve know my wife of 16 years and in the 3 years before we started seeing each other romantically I was aware she drank socially, but not to any more excess than anyone else we knew.

We lost our first child at 18 weeks which devastated her (and me, but understandably not to the same degree) and the first day I had to go back to work, I returned and she was drunk, something that was understandable and not alarming at the time.

In the 5 years after that we went onto to have 3 children and whilst I am reasonably certain she didn’t drink when pregnant or breast feeding, as soon as child 3 was weaned I did notice the odd time when she seemed slurry in the daytime (something she put down to tiredness) and of an evening she drank a good proportion of a bottle of wine (if not all and then into a second). Again I put this down to the fact she was at home looking after 3 kids under 5 so who wouldn’t want a drink after that.

In the last 5 years I have started working from home and noticed a fairly steep decline in her well-being. She has virtually no self-esteem and was suffering from panic attacks – which eventually got under control when I did get her to the doctors who prescribed sertaline(?). Her drinking seemed to have got steadily worse. I have broached this on 3 or 4 occasions only to be told each time that she was sorry, but it wasn’t an alcohol problem, she is just bored (we moved to a rural village 3 years ago and she has a driving phobia so is somewhat trapped), has no friends to talk to/do anything with etc.

In the last year I thought she had turned a corner, she settled into village life more and met some new friends and started retraining with an OU degree which gave her a sense of purpose. However the pervading smell of stale booze was on her breath most mornings and yet I rarely see her with a drink in her hand unless we are out in pub/restaurant and then she’ll go fo it in a big way.

This morning she smelt of fresh booze and so I went back through our online shopping receipts (she does the online shop) and the amount of booze she has been buying has really scared me (I very rarely drink in the house so I know it is been consumed by her) and scared me further was the amount of vodka, something I never even knew she drank – thought it was white wine only. By my reckoning she is drinking between 75 – 100 units a week. Whilst she was out this morning I found a half empty bottle of vodka hidden away in her wardrobe.

I have no idea how to get her to go for help, all the previous times she refuses to accept that it is the alcohol that is the problem and that it is boredom or some other extenuating circumstance. I know she is fragile and I can’t threaten to leave her as A) I don’t want to (just want the old person back) and B) that would send her spiralling, so any advice to get her to admit that she has an issue with alcohol and needs help would be gratefully received.

Sorry for the long post, I really have nowhere else to turn, in her fragile state where she puts way too much stock in what other people may or may not be thinking, if I spoke with a friend or relative about it I fear she would never leave the house again.

thanks

LS28

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