[stephie86]

I know from my title I seem so bitter and I probably am, I’m still healing from separating from my ex who was/is I don’t know addicted to crack, previously cocaine weed and alcohol. This isn’t me not accepting any responsibility for the breakdown of our relationship, as my reactions to it all because more than unacceptable (never pysically violent) but I lost my tongue on many occasions. I’m still healing and repairing the damage that was caused, money, debt, relationship breakdowns due to her stealing from family… and two months after we fully separated…she is happy with someone else, going out on family trips, beaming on social media, genuinely looks happy in her new found life with someone else.
I don’t wish ill or bad on her, but somehow this seems so unfair!
I know I need to continue to heal but just wondered if anyone been through something similar and how you got past these feelings of bitterness etc

[directionless]

I’m right here with you stephie86. My (recovering) alcoholic ex left me earlier this year and I’m trying my hardest to move on, but I do feel terribly bitter at times. I supported this man through the worst times in his life, sticking by him through rehab, numerous relapses and therapy. I wasn’t perfect and held a lot of resentments (often subconsciously), which made me difficult to live with at times. My bitterness stems from reflecting on my own lost opportunities from living with an alcoholic and the betrayal of being dumped when I thought we were finally moving towards a new life together after so much pain. It seems he was living a double-life and was never honest with me about how he really felt. Now he’s left, he (as far as I can tell) is happy. I try not to go looking for information about him and we’re no longer connected on social media but occasionally I stumble across snippets and it pulls me back into my negative thoughts. I feel (probably unfairly) that he never suffered any real consequences from his alcoholism – he never had any long-term health problems, never lost his job and is now flourishing in his career. I sacrificed a lot over the years and it feels unfair that he benefits from that while I suffer. But life isn’t fair and we can’t expect to be rewarded for the sacrifices we make (especially when dealing with addicts). If we hold onto our bitterness we are never going to be able to flourish ourselves. It’s just going to take time and effort to focus on us from now on.

[stephie86]

Thank you so much for your reply and to help me realise maybe this is a bit of a normal trauma response. The thing is I don’t wish ill of her, but I’ve tried moving on and struggle and she seems to be able to have done it perfectly, which reiterate the fact I feel a huge part to blame. As now I’m gone she can be clean etc. I was seeing someone and everything triggered me so I ended it and she just gets a fresh start.
I am trying soooo hard to let go of it all including the resentment but my thoughts are still consumed by her and what happened. It’s tiring

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