[chezzag]

Coke was a drug I had used myself in my 20s occasionally, thought it was fun. Now in my late 40s, and I am past that, but it seems my husband isn’t. He has been using coke for about 6 months, we’ve been married 23 years, together for 30, and I feel like I don’t know him at all. He lies, he makes it out to be my fault, he’s in debt and in real life, I carry the weight of everything else. We have teenager boys that dabble in drugs now and I can’t help but blame my husband for his lack of being a role model. He has had depression for 4 years and we have spiralled down over that time, coke is now his go to. He lies so much about it and is drinking too, and I am ready to leave but there are lots of complications. I feel completely trapped. Where are you do I start to piece me together and help him get through.

[donthaveaclue]

Sounds like my life except mine is nearly 50 and I’m younger and we share a young child who’s now in the middle of this miserable existence. Mine also has often referred to it being okay as politicians and police men do it! Like that makes it okay!?

I think you can leave and still be there for someone at a distance while they deal with their addiction and recovery. I am inclined to think this is healthier than staying but that’s also influenced by my own experiences and situation.

I feel completely trapped too and will only get out once the council rehouse me which is taking ages (coming up for a year now). I cannot stay. I have had enough and me and our child deserve better… stability and safety and just to be free of living with an addict who controls the house and environment.

[chezzag]

Thankyou for replying, it’s such an awful situation, I hope you get support and get moved soon, take care x

[pds]

Hi mate…

He needs to want to stop. If he doesn’t want to , well you can not help this man unfortunately. First step is admitting to it and second step is wanting to stop. No body else can do it for him including you. You can try and try. But it’s a very hard one to do. I tried for a ex partner and wasn’t really ready to stop my doc. And I relapsed.

If he ain’t ready to stop. Then maybe leaving could be on the cards. Obviously kids make that choice harder. But think like this. Would you like to see on of your boys in this sitch. No is the answer. I know it is..

Think hard but if he don’t want to stop for you n the boys. Then it’s surly time for you n your boys to go. Yep Gona be hard mate. But time will heal that pain of separation. And if the fella does realise what he has last. Witch I hope he would, he would fix him self up to get his family back…

Hope all’s get better for you in the end mate..

[jamesb]

Hi mate, I hope you’re okay.

This is a horrible situation you’re dealing with and I know how hard it must be for you after so long together all of a sudden not recognising him.

What’s bizarre is that you say he’s been only using for the last 6 months after the early years etc.

Have you asked him outright why he is using coke? What’s changed to make him want to use it because I can assure you that it isn’t enjoyable when it’s at the point you’re lying to your partner and it’s affecting your relationship. Where is he using can I ask? Is he doing it openly so that you know or is it a cat and mouse situation?

No one ever wakes up one day and decides that it’s a good idea to destroy their life and become an addict and I’m sure deep down the man you married is still in there.

You’re obviously aware of his addiction and he knows you are so maybe the best thing now is cards on the table. Ask him the hard questions, the whys and when’s and the hows and offer him a life line. If he is remorseful and has sadly fallen victim to addiction and wants to work towards getting back to his sober self then please.support him as much as you can. But equally if he is not willing to accept his actions can’t continue then take the necessary measures to safeguard yourself and your family

Sending love

James x

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