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How is everyone partners and family members doing with there addiction.
Are they still using? How many weeks clean are they? Are they struggling?
Im 6 week clean today. And it only gets better. I feel facking great today! Im enjoying reading my stephen king book.
You ask any of my mates if i read books?? They will laugh at you and say dont be daft!
It only gets better stopping!
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Six weeks, that’s brilliant. I’m glad you are feeling good with it too, like you said it can only get better.
Update. Husband has not left the marital home yet. I don’t know when ‘next week’ is up after the ‘conversation’ last Thursday. Obviously it’s not that uncomfortable as he said it was living here and not loving me anymore. He went out last night for a ‘mates’ birthday and returned two hours later as he said he would. No drink or any added extras. It doesn’t make things better for me now though as I’m getting more anxious him being here, waiting for him to throw another wobbly. In fact I don’t think I’m bothered anymore whether he sniffs or not. Has he pushed me to my limit? I don’t know.
Keep up the book reading. I’m a reader myself. 🙂
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Join the library Dan, it’s better than buying your books.
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My ex managed two weeks, as far as I’m aware, off the coke. The signs he had taken something were clearly visible yesterday. I’m annoyed to be honest as I’ve been there for him. It’s not the fact that he has used again, it’s his attitude. He is trying to pretend he is OK with not using, he has no money, he’s going to counselling blah blah. I’m aware he spends a lot of time on his own so I suggested a walk yesterday. My daughter was with us and she was pleased to see him and hoping to spend the afternoon with him. He is a great guy when he’s not taking anything and in a positive frame of mind. Anyway I said to him on the quiet that I was concerned and what had he taken. Honestly, it was like a teenage strop..he stomped off and it was silent treatment with my poor daughter like a mediator. On the quiet she said is he in one of his moods…There and then I thought let’s get away from as soon as possible. He looked a state…like a zombie. To be honest I didn’t want to be seen with him. I got back home and felt relief to feel back to normality. We were meant to be going to dinner around his so I had to explain to my daughter why we wouldn’t be going. Then as usual, the messages started. No admission, no apology just a load of denial and shifting responsibility. He was doing this for me but would go on without my support…he meant coming off drugs …total bull. Then I got the if I loved him as much as I said I wouldn’t be so cold…then the implied I must be up to something because I was active online. I’ve learnt to ignore it all and I’ve blocked him from everything now. My best friend who he’d contacted a week ago to say how sorry he was and how much he loved me and my daughter was sat next to me. I showed her the messages now received. She was shocked by the contrast. Jekyll and Hyde. I bought into the dream he could change. I think it was my dream more than his to be fair. I now feel free of it all. The misery sucks the life out of your soul. I’m not putting my daughter through any more awkward moments either. I don’t think he will change his life until he hits rock bottom. He always finds someone to give him money and food. I tried to intervene with his family but they are still enabling him and not one of them has checked on our wellbeing. I’m seriously expecting the only contact I will hear from them is to tell me he is dead. Writing this has helped me get it all out. I wish it could have been a happy post but ally this is the reality. I suppose the message is don’t put up with too much crap. We all have our cut off point. It’s the first morning I’ve woke up and thought about what I want to achieve rather than I wonder how he is. I do wish him well and hope he beats this on his own.
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my BF is 4 weeks now – the counselling seems to be working, he usually relapses every 2 weeks ish. Its odd as i have been getting anxiety waiting for him to f*ck up but he hasnt and it feels good, although, I wont hold my breath. Only takes 1 of his idiot mates to bump into him and offer it though but i need to have some faith and I am staying positive.
Dan 6 weeks!!!!!!! thats amazing…….. literally, you’re smashing it. I am really glad youre in a better place now and seeing the good side to giving up. Literally cocaine is the worst. I bet your GF is so happy…. inside she must be really proud of you and SO relieved, done it for your kids. Not worth losing them.
Erm I could suggest some books but they are a bit girly hahaha i have read loads in the past, depends what youre into – what you reading at the mo?
I absolutely LOVE reading, its an escape, it makes me forget anything sh*t thats going on in life temporarily, i love getting lost in books..
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Thanks Danman.He doesn’t want to quit enough and yes big time manipulation going on. I felt sorry for my daughter…not him. Felt much lighter today. Great to hear you’re doing so well and that you’re enjoying a good read. In fact you’ve inspired me to get into reading again. Thank goodness you’ve found the strength to keep fighting this.
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Heh great to hear about the writing. Have you checked locally for writing groups or courses at the college?I think it’s great your writing on here supporting everyone with your experience…I’m sorry your girlfriend can’t see what good your doing on here. You might find a good reading group where the group reads and reviews a book.
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Yes the more you read, it will help. Some good online courses if your safer indoors lol. College is different now…Ive just finished a counselling course. Met a good crowd of people although I can see it would be difficult to fit it in with your hours. Great what you’re doing though…I bet you can’t wait to spend your money on some decent stuff.
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Dan it makes me smile reading your posts. You should be proud, go for it. Write a book. Who cares if your grammar isn’t great I think you’ll get there.
Your girlfriend probably doubts you’ll stick to it, she probably doesn’t mean it. In her head she’s probably waiting until the next time. I do the same thing. Don’t take it personally.
My boyfriend just come in from counselling, he’s so positive about it I’m happy for him and I pray to god if there is one that he has the strength to stick to this. He doesn’t drink either, he’s stopped both as it was always one or the other.
Luckily I’m not a drinker myself really it makes me sick so I don’t mind.
I like thriller and crime books. Have you got Netflix? You should watch the ted bundy documentary on there it’s brilliant.
Well done everyone btw – you should all be proud in 1 way or another. Xxxxx
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Ideas for books to read. These are all old books and some have been made into films. Dan Brown thriller novels – start with Angels and Demons. Mark Haddon – The curious incident of the Dog in the Night time. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger – love story (but with an interesting twist). Life of Pi. Not sure if they are up your street but just suggestions.
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Well done Danman – 6 weeks that’s so good to hear -keep reading the books!
Good to hear from you too Georgia.
Sorry things aren’t better for you Popples and Hox. Dont forget we are there if you need any extra support.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
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Hi Danman. If you like Stephen king try the The passage by Justin Cronin, it’s a trilogy and pretty long but it’s brilliant once you get into it. Well done your doing great ????. Lou
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I didn’t realise how many of us had an addiction to reading books.
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Hi Danman, is it seven weeks now! You are doing so well. I have come to the conclusion that my son probably just went on holiday and didn’t want to be mithered so told us not to contact him. I am just so annoyed with him. He told me he was missing his kids and I have reminded him about this and asked him when he is going to do something about it. I also reminded him it is his daughter’s birthday next week. He missed his son’s for what ever reason!! Again no response. I am just so angry with him and want to text him how awful he is. I also wanted to text his gf and tell her if she is going to keep enabling him that I will be holding her partly responsible if anything happens to him. Feeling really really angry tonight.
Back to you, keep on reading and being good. Enjoy your weekend.
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I’m so glad you know the tricks your mind is playing on you. Thank you for sharing these episodes, knowledge is good. Keep up the good work and the reading Dan. Now you are officially addicted to reading like a lot of us on here.
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Heyyy! I just thought I’d come on here to see how everyone is doing. You’re doing awesome! Great to hear that things are looking up 🙂
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Hi Danman, we drove past where our son loves tonight and his gf was just parking up. I spoke to her and asked how he was. She said he was asleep. It was 6 pm at night! I tried to talk to her but she is not very helpful. I asked if he is any worse but she just says he is the same. I said how upset I was because of his text before he went away. She said she didn’t know what he had said in the text. I said he isn’t having a life if he isn’t going anywhere. I also said how upset I have been and how this has been making me ill. She went up to the flat to ask if he would speak to us but when she came down he had said no, he will ring when he is ready. I said maybe when he is ready we won’t be. It’s his daughter’s birthday next week and he probably won’t get in touch as he didn’t for his son’s birthday before xmas. He has not been in touch with the mums either and they tend not to ask us anymore because all we can say is he hasn’t been in touch. It’s just such a mess. He loves his kids and when he is not on drugs he is great with them. I just think he is burying his head in the sand, not admitting or wanting to stop. I really thought that not seeing his kids would make him stop but it hasn’t.
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The only conclusion we can come to is that he is still using but then if he isn’t going out of the house is his gf getting it for him? I text her to ask if she is enabling him but she didn’t reply. He has cut off all contact with all his family who have always been supportive. His brother has text him several times but has given up when he hasn’t replied. His dad was with me when we went round the other night. He texts him all the time trying to get him to respond. My worry is that he is going to continue on this path until he has spent all the money he got from selling his house. Then I worry what he will do when he has no money and no job but still wants to use. Also we are having to pay back the family member who lent him money to sort his debts. I just think the longer he leaves it the worse it is all going to be, especially as he has missed his kids birthdays and Christmas not seeing them. I wonder if it is best to leave him to it but it has already been three months and I really don’t think he is going to come round.
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I feel for you. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Can you bear to do a text saying you will always be there for him when he’s ready and leave him to it? It will be hard, but what you are doing now is hard on you too. You are making yourself ill and whilst he is on the coke he’s not thinking of anyone else’s wellbeing. It’s a cruel way to treat people, but thats what coke does to you. He probably feels like you are harassing him all the time, we know this isn’t true as this is what we do when we care for our loved ones and want whats best for them. At the moment he feels like what he’s doing is best for him. It seems like your life is on hold until he comes to his senses. Keep strong we are with you.
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