[worriedsister]

Hello,

So my sister is a cocaine addict that’s one thing.

I met a man and we have been getting on like a house on fire but I just had a inkling something wasn’t right… I thought that maybe he had another woman….

so he stayed last night and literally slept the whole early evening /night.

So I did something awful but I looked in his phone…. now I wish I never.

I have found messages about wanting drugs and another post to a girl he used to know who also uses sometimes.

He told her he is doing crack and smoking heroin.

I was absolutely gob smacked as as a push I thought he might be a Coke head.

WHAT DO I DO????

We are so so happy together but this has just blown me out of the water.

I know nothing about crack or heroin but he said he paid £100 for some last weekend.

In the messages he said he only does it on weekends and he works 5-6 days a week.

I have said nothing to him , I am so upset I asked him what was wrong as he was sleeping so much (come down) and he said he didn’t know.

PLEASE PLEASE can someone advice me he lives an hour away from me so I see him once a week.

I was going to message his sister as I’m worried sick about him or do I tell him I looked at his phone? Xx

I don’t want to end things but I can’t see another way ????????????

[lindyloo]

Hi worried sister, welcome to the forum.

I’ve read your story, and knowing what I do about being around my addictive son, in my opinion i would get out of this relationship before you’re in too deep. The addiction will consume his life and yours, he will choose it over you every time.

I’m sorry to be blunt but if you were my daughter I would not want this future for you.

I think in your heart of hearts you know being with him is a bad idea.

The fact you’re checking his phone proves you already don’t trust him.

That’s only my opinion, of course the choice is yours .

I’ve read too many stories here with people who have partners who choose addiction over them.

I guess you need to choose what your heart tells you or your head.

I wish you all the best,

Lx

[worriedsister]

I’m sat here crying my eyes out .

I’m absolutely mad about him and I guess my head thinks I can help him but my heart feels broken knowing I probably can’t.

Is anybody able to shed light on addiction?

He goes to work 5/6 days a week and as far as I know does this on a weekend.

He’s yet to open up to me. I sent him a long text to try and discuss or get him to open up and he’s not saying anything or admitted it.

I haven’t told him that I checked the phone as I know myself that was wrong but I just knew something wasn’t right.

Myself personally I’ve never questioned him before and I trusted him 100%

but just the behaviours mainly being awake at night or sleeping for 1-2 days made me wonder.

And this has just blown my mind. I have my sister who’s a drug addict , my brother in law that died from drink and drugs a month ago and now this.

I truly thought I’d found happiness and my heart feels like it’s been ripped out. Xx

Thank you so much for your honesty. I really don’t know what to do.

I want to meet him face to face maybe over the weekend and talk it through.

If he loves me like I love him then he needs to prove it to me now. X

Thank you again and I appreciate your honesty xxx

[lindyloo]

You’re welcome I’m sorry for the negative response, I’m sure he could, if he wanted to, turn his life around, there are success stories out there too.

It really begins and ends with him and his choices. Read Danman83 posts, he is a recovering addict and often posts here with good advice and support.

I really do wish you all the best.

Lx

[worriedsister]

No it’s fine x

I really appreciate any advice at all so thank you x

I will definitely have a look at Danman83 posts.

Thank you again x

[worriedsister]

Ok….. I rang him today.

He’s went into one saying why am I saying he’s on drugs ?

When he isn’t. And he’s insulted that I thought he’d touch that stuff.

Sooooo I didn’t tell him I went through his phone….!

But do I?

Omg I’m so mad and sad as I wanted him to just say he had a problem. He’s lying makes it worse now

And I feel terrible for going on his phone. F**k sake! X

I wonder if I see him over the weekend and confront him about it and ask if he’s up too nothing to show me his phone

I dunno god help me!!!

[thistim3]

Don’t feel terrible for looking for the truth. You deserve the truth. Perhaps if you step back, it will give him time to rethink his response and he will tell you and show his true self. If he does or doesn’t tell you, it will prove to be the same – a lifetime of heartache.

[worriedsister]

Hi thank you.

Yes… I’ve known him for years but we were both in relationships or one of us was or wasn’t. But there’s always been something there between us.

And then we both ended up single and we are like soul mates (or that’s what it feels like and he said the same thing or maybe he’s just saying what I want to hear but I don’t think so..)

It sounds as though he’s been on drugs for the past 2-3 years (weekends only.)

But yes I definitely have taken a step back for now. I would normally visit over the weekend and I haven’t done.

I am hoping he will talk to me or in mine and everyone’s worlds on here I hope he will see there’s more to life than this and stop doing it….but it’s prob not that easy.

But only time will tell…. and I will for now try and stand by him as I love him.

But he needs to want to change too so I will need to sit tight and see how it unfolds

It’s difficult as we don’t live near by at the moment. But I know when he’s done it (last night) up all night messaging me and he’s now been asleep since some time this morning and prob won’t wake until tomorrow now. it’s sad really.

Thanks

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