[mumof3x]

Hello,

I am trying to figure out what I should do with my life for the best for me and my children.

I have been with my husband since 2013 and in 2017 i found out about a lot of debt he had hidden from me, he was also very angry, ended up on antidepressants in 2018 and lost his job (fell asleep as side effect of starting the meds). Since then he has always lied to me and to be honest its been a bit of a blur.

Fast forward to now, he has ‘beaten’ a gambling addiction (relapsed once this year but im pretty sure its mainly in check) he only went to GA meetings for a few months and that was all he did to help beat it. He also drank during the first lockdown march 2020 for 5/6 months drinking a bottle of red wine 6 nights a week. He managed to stop that without any help and only drinks occasionally now, again he did that himself.

So, over the last year he has been doing cocaine 2/4 times a month every month. I didnt really know the extent of it or that it was a problem until mid way through this year. I absolutely hate drugs, i said i do not want him doing it in my home i have a dog and 3 kids, he does it alone when we are in bed to help improve his mood (suffers anxiety and depression) last time he used was boxing day 0.5 gram. He says he knows now it is a bit of a problem and that he will go to meetings like he did GA but hes confident he will beat it as he has all the other things.

I am feeling very pessimistic this time, its like he hasn’t stopped lying to me for years about one thing or another. He used to brush the coke off and say i was over reacting you cant get addicted, he doesnt do it often bla bla. But it costs so much money! £360 every month for 4 grams if thats what he does, i said i need a divorce im constantly worried is he going to do it again, where is he going, did he have a snack last night as that means he didnt use ect. Its driving me mad.

He says he will change. What are the chances? I feel so sad about it all. Being a single parent with 3 kids and a 15 month old lab will be hard work, he knows i need him more than i used to currently (baby is 3months old) he doesnt work and is on ESA as his mental health has been quite bad but since getting ESA, and going private counselli g and no pressure of needing to maintain a job his MH and mood are improving but the damn drugs are the problem now.

Thank you and sorry for long message.

[mumof3x]

Ok i have managed to remember better, the alcohol went from red wine to beers, to stopping that was the whole of 2020 pretty much. The cocaine started 2020 and hes been doing it every month for 18 months it overlapped if that makes sense.

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