[lexi]

Im completely new to this never thought I would end up here im in absolute despair, my husband is addicted to cocaine and it’s ruining our lives, we have been together 12 years and we have two small children he has always enjoyed drugs on a night out but over the past 2 years he has used more and more and is completely addicted. He wants to stop and started going to relapse prevention course but he lost his job due to a failed drugs test and took a new job working away through the week so he stopped going as he’s not here to attend. The last few weekends have been awful he comes home from work and disappears for a couple of hours to the ‘shop’ or his mates house and comes back high then he just can’t stop he finds any excuse to pop out as he knows he can’t have it here and he disappears for hours. Whenever he is high he gambles and he has lost ridiculous amounts of money we are struggling hugely financially and have had to borrow from his parents to keep our heads above water which has obviously not gone down well with them. He is always kind to me never abusive even when high if anything its me that gets so angry with him for doing it, he gets upset and says sorry and promises to stop but then it starts again. Found him in the garage having a line at 8am this morning and he’s never really stopped all day. Iv tried to keep arguments away from my beautiful children but it’s massively affecting our lives. I feel so down and depressed im avoiding seeing my friends as we have no money but also im so ashamed so its like a huge secret that im carrying around. I love him with all my heart hes my best friend and he does so much for our family I know he loves us all so much but this is taking over and im so scared it’s going to destroy our family:(

[gil]

Hi lexi, I really feel for you. I’m too in a similar position. Although I’m not married we don’t have kids we have a few between us.

I’ve noticed an escalation in use in my partner who’s done this for years. However makes me think he’s was doing far more but his it better than he does now.

They become selfless and selfish for it. I’ve read so much on addiction and they say it’s a diease and that they can’t stop once craving kicks in. Doesn’t matter about how much they love you or the kids everything else becomes irrelevant.

I find that difficult to swollow.

I think the hardest part is getting them to see there is a problem. Then suggesting help….im still at the problem phase. I get all excuses it’s not an issue I can take or leave it. I can control it…. it’s all lies, I’ve wanted to believe but it’s not true. It’s not daily use, co not co dependant but it’s now exalted weekly (especially on the weekends).

Makes me sad as plans get missed, and the eventual come down, he turns to a lot of alcohol and moody vile kicks in. It’s aconstant cycle.

Yours seems early so try to nip it in the bud maybe have a chat with him recognise it’s heavily affecting your family. See what he says. Suggest help avenues….

[lexi]

Sorry I replied to myself by mistake you can tell im new! X

[dnanon]

Hi Lexi, I really feel for you. I think you really do need to have that discussion with him and tell him how this is affecting you and the kids. My son has lost two relationships through his cocaine addiction. He also has two children one with each previous partner. All I can say that both his exes have come through it and are managing for themselves. In fact one has got marrried and has a much more stable life. Before you take any drastic measures have that talk. If he wants to stop you can support him but he has to want to. Good luck x

[lexi]

Thanks for your reply its just heartbreaking i am so torn i want to leave him because of the hurt and the arguments he is causing but i also love him so much i want to stay and get through this but i just can’t see light at the end of the tunnel at all. We took the kids out for the afternoon he loves those kids and if he makes an effort for anyone its them, but walking round i was looking at him and he’s changed before my eyes he honestly looked off his face and it sounds horrible to say this but i was embarrassed and ashamed of him he has no care for himself or his appearance now i just feel iv completely lost him to cocaine. I can’t get away from this loneliness I have absolutely nobody to talk to my mum died 12 years ago and if i told my dad he would be beyond disgusted he is old fashioned and old school and already thinks my husband is a bit of a loser god he doesn’t know the half of it! His parents know he’s struggling he did confide in them a while ago but they have no idea of the extent or what im dealing with, they are also extremely judgemental people we don’t have the best relationship with them. So I just don’t know what to do I want to leave but 12 years with 2 kids I wouldn’t know how to be without him I would be heartbroken. Not to mention I have no money I only work part time i couldn’t keep me and the kids going. Im scared.

[sandy7]

Hi Lexi,

I’ve found myself on this forum as I need to speak to someone in my position and you sound like you’re exactly the same as me. I too have been with my partner 12 years and we have 2 little ones. November 2017 I discovered he had a cocaine addiction.. I didn’t even know he took it and drug taking is alien to me it’s never been my scene. Last year we split up about 3 times but I tried my hardest to understand and support him. We got through the year from hell and I swore I would never go back to feeling the way I did last year. The immense stress n some form of depression on me was awful.. anyway things have been brilliant 4 months clean n it’s like I have my partner back we could look forward and be happy as a family.. and then 2 days ago I discover he’s had a relapse. He’s gone back to hating himself for it, being moody and uptight. I’ve told him through anger I want him to leave. Now I’m disappointed and stuck not knowing what to do next.. I don’t have the strength to repeat last year. He loves me and the kids and is an amazing father and my best friend. Do I accept it’s a relapse and support him even though he had many relapses last year or is enough enough 🙁

I too found it extremely hard to talk to friends. He admits when he has money he just spends it on that stuff. I’ve been in charge of his finances and kept his bank card giving it to him when he needs to use it. This week he had it back and this is what’s happened 🙁

[danman83]

Hi lexi.. im in same boat as your husband. But im doing my very best to stop. And the good thing and main thing is he wants to stop.

Whats happened to him is whats happened to me.. you take it coke on nights out.. for years.. you stop going out.. but your addicted and use coke on your own in the house!. Its sad, but its a disease at the end of the day.

I quit on new years ever after 8 years on n off of it. Mainly once ever couple of week.

Coming down of it.. it makes you suicidal.. depressed. Its not good at all. And thats why i have to stop.

After 8 weeks i lapsed. But since then its been 5 week. So ive had it once in 3 month.

To stop.. your hubby needs to cut all his mates off to do with coke! Delete there numbers! And dealers! Even avoid family who take it!

Avoid alcohol! It triggers it.. and is my main trigger to use.

Avoid pubs and going out.. stick to cinema and restaurants. It will be really hard but then, you have to say how bad do you want to stop?

He needs to change his routine around, go gym.. walking, decorate, focus on saving for something. Any new hobbies to distract you.

Also watch some videos on you tube of louise clarke on crack-cocaine part 123.. they are great and she teachers you things i didnt even know about coke and how to stop.

There is an app called pocket rehab.. its great! Tell him download it. . Its were addicts and ex help each other, and tell there stories and press a panic button to get put through to another addict or ex.. to talk u out of using. You basically help one another.

But this all narrows down to how much he wants it. I dont want to lose my children or kids. He needs stay in for a while. And take each day as it comes. Just ask if u need any help. Good luck

[hox]

You do really need to speak to your husband calmly about his addiction and how it is affecting you and your children.

Let him know what you have told us on here about how you feel and how you have felt like leaving out of desperation. Be honest with him and yourself. Can it get any worse if you do?

Hopefully he will realise what he is putting you through and will seek help for his addiction. But like Danman says you have to want it and cut all ties with your cocaine triggers being it friends, family and alcohol.

I wish you all well.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Lexi, sandy and Gil,

I’m sorry that all of you are having such a hard time. I know that ‘s really tough.

Just to let you know that I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust who support people like yourselves, who are coping with a partner’s addiction.

We offer trained and experienced people who you might find it helpful to talk to. They would understand what you are going through and would also tell you what other support is available in your area.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you all.

[jens]

Hi Lexi

I’m going through this now

What happened in the end did he get clean?

[Author]

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