[sh12]

Hi all, I’m new here but looking for some advice please. Things have seemed a tad off with my husband for a while but I put it down to lockdown, stress etc. However, last weekend he broke down to me and told me he has been hiding a pretty serious cocaine addiction for the past 8 months. This completely took me by surprise as I honestly had no idea – we have been together for 10 years and although he has previously smoked weed and can sometimes be a bit all or nothing with alcohol, I have never been worried about him using coke or it becoming an addiction. I am trying my best to support him and he has contacted a charity for support, which is an amazing start! However, I can’t help but feel really hurt and confused by the fact that he’s been lying and deceiving me for such a long time. I’m trying to not take it personally as I know his choices have been due to the addiction but I’m finding it more difficult than I first thought. Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? Any thoughts or advice welcome 🙂

[deborah]

HI. I’ve just discovered my son has been hiding a cocaine addiction too. He came to me a month ago, just completely broken and said he’d been so stupid and got mixed up and now can’t get out of it because he’s addicted. I paid off the dealer and he promised no more. A few days ago the same thing happened. I’ve got him help and he has his first ‘meeting’ this week, though it is by phone because of covid. I realise he can’t just stop, but I don’t know what to do about him racking up debt. I have no more money and I’ve told him. The lies are horrific. I catch him out every single day. He’s begged me not to tell his dad and I know once his dad finds out he will wash his hands of him (we are divorced). Like you, I know the lies are because of the addiction, but it’s heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Hi SH12, I am also new here. I am trying to make sense of what happened in my life in the past year. My ex partner (we were together for 8 years) was going through a stressful time at work and he started to change. He became cold, distant, he was not sleeping or eating properly. Sometimes he was up working until 4am, some other times he was out with this new bunch of people from work that became his best friends. He started to say he was unhappy, unloved; he was hiding his phone, he started to lie to me. It was like having a complete stranger in front of me. He used to be the most loving and sensitive man and he just became a cold different person. Long story short, with the lockdown, we found ourselves living separately and he ghosted me. 8 years together and he disappeared completely. He ghosted his long term friend as well and he has less contacts even with his parents and kids. He was diagnosed with depression, but I have the feeling drugs were involved. I knew that these new friends used cocaine pretty often. I was wondering, did you notice anything similar with your husband? How do you think he started? It’s great that he opened up to you and he is seeking help. That’s very positive!

[Author]

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