[tarab]

Hi there

I am looking for support and advice I have been with my husband for 20 years I am 46 almost and I love him so much he was my soul mate guider and protector

We have 3 amazing children and has a good life

I am not sure exactly when my husband started using

Seriously but he always dabbled especially when younger

He stopped drinking 17 years ago and I was so proud of him as he attended AA he has helped a lot of people too

Since his father passed away in Nov 2018 he has been very sad / depressed and in stead of seeing dr his behaviour changed and he started to disappear

He chose to work in Amsterdam for 4 months and then came home saying he missed us all so much

We were doing better during 2019 but I knew he was using something and he smokes dope/green every day

When lock down hit things for worse he lost his job and he disappeared all the time he has stayed out over 150 nights

Always saying he was sleeping In car or at a friends

Eventually I found out a flat he was going to miles away he said it was a friends , it wasn’t in Jan 22 a girl transferred money to an old account I searched in 192.com and found it was the same flat he been going to I spoke to him and he denied it I went to the girls flat and she was out , I met two neighbours who new all about me and said my husband was there all the time and had been for over 2 years ! They said the girl

Was a heavy drug user too.

Anyway again I gave him another chance not knowing how much he was taking etc but he was alway still trying to disappear his mood and behaviour was shocking too

I kept thinking he needs to go but he looks like he has cancer or a serious illness and I wanted to help him

Finally 2 weeks ago he said he has lost alot of his wages

He couldn’t speak about it and he said sorry for the first time in years but later that day he disappeared

I couldn’t believe it 4 hours later and with no contact I decided to drive to the girls flat ! He was there ! He eventually came out the door and looked like he saw a ghost I was hysterical crying and he said he was in so much trouble he said he would explain but I was in shock and nearly passed out and he ran away !

What a coward I thought

Anyway over the past two weeks he has not come home or asked to he stayed with a friend and is now back at his mums who I told the story to as she had no idea the extent .

I really don’t know what to do I have been so unwell and feel like he has died he hasn’t contacted our children and they don’t want him to

I still love him but can never go back unless he went back to the way he was before drugs

I have spoken to friends , counsellor and GP and they have all said I need to look after me

My husband is about 8/9 stones and I am so concerned

What else should I do please can you help me ? Xx

[eddie123]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

There is an excellent charity that I know can support you – they have a remote family support group, and also provide free treatment for addicts struggling with addiction issues. To read more about them and receive the help please see link https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

you can fill in the referral form on their website.

[tarab]

Thanks so much I will look in to this I have called a charity in Scotland where I am and they are helping me but wanted to see others views

So far my husband has shown no remorse or anything

Since since finding him at a female flat who I know is in to drugs too

I would love if he would admit and explain but hasn’t as yet .

[Author]

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