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Hello all,
on 2nd may,my husband lost his mum to lung cancer. he was very close to her. we are married nine years, and have a 7 year old.
his mum’s cancer cmae out of the blue and she was diagnosed two days before lockdown so her battle was really hard as we couldn’t see her or be with her.
He has used cocaine before as a coping mechanism and 18 months ago I found out he’s been using drugs for a long period and gave him the ultimatum to sort himself out or risk losing me and our daughter.
however, on Friday night / early hours of sat morning, I went downstairs to get some ibuprofen for a tooth ache and found coke on the kitchen worktop. he has fallen asleep on the sofa and immediately came and found me and admitted he had just wanted to forget about his mum and so did it.
I am heartbroken and angry.
his response was that he hadn’t even thought about our child and I, and that he just wanted to try and deal with his feelings, and that it wasn’t the work of a sane person, he’s grieving etc.
However he was completely sober when he text a friend for a dealers number, when he lied to go to the corner shop to meet the guy, and when he then sat in the garden apparently drunk from drinking cider.
I am in a real quandary – do I kick him out – if so – where can he go to in lockdown?
he has prmised to see a counsellor / have one virtually but I am left feeling let down. he lied to me and broke a promise to always speak to me if he did it again.
its that betrayal that hurts the most and I am fast losing respect for him.
he has decided to stop drinking as he thinks this stopping working in blocking out the grief he feels for his mum lead to the cocaine use, but i’m just fed up it seems like a total excuse for a blow out.
I’d welcome thoughts on how I can take this forward….
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Cocaine is the devil drug. It completely changes a person. I understand the Betrayal, lies as it’s constant. It’s relentless. I doubt anyone can tell you how to take things forward as that’s your decision alone.
Al Anon is a good support system for families affected by substances.
In my own experience with my now ex (of 22 years) I chose to leave. It nearly destroyed me, actually I think it did and six months down the line I am still recovering and will probably be scarred for life.
My ex was a loyal loving family man that turned into a monster on this drug. I don’t even recognize him anymore. No emotions, no respect, no moral compass and pure nastiness and selfishness.
They all say they get help and I hope he does but I would not give too many chances like I did. I ended up being blamed for everything in the end.
If they genuinely want to get help then they would and they can if they truly want too.
He has lost his mother and that is sad but it’s still not an excuse as he is avoiding pain – pain doesn’t go away long term. It’s an unhealthy way of coping with lifes difficulties.
Life isn’t without problems so I’m unsure what he is saying here? “When the going get tough I will use cocaine”? Nah sod that!!
Sorry you’re another family that is going thru this. I hate cocaine and everything about it. It destroys people.
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