[Tricky]

Advice needed. I grew up with an alcoholic Mum from birth and lost her at the age of 31 (now 44) from alcohol induced Dementia. My childhood was not easy although not as bad as some may have experienced however enough to know alcohol is never a good thing. My husband who I have been with since I was 16 understood how alcohol made me feel and was witness to a lot of the different behaviours I had to deal with from my mum from being in what I would call active addiction to being just alcohol dependant. My husband abstained from alcohol himself for a large number of years  because it was never something that he was that bothered by then after a holiday in 2016 where he happened to bring a bottle of duty free whisky home and started to have a few drinks (even joked he was getting to the age when it was sophisticated to have a whisky at night!) it has spiralled from there. That first initial bottled (70cl) lasted well over a month and it has escalated to 2 litres a week. My husband never gets drunk (a handful of times he has been tipsy/lairy) but never falling over/blackout drunk. The 2 litres a week means he drinks every night at least 2 glasses a night ( each glass being a full glass). This has caused so many arguments because I just can’t cope with it not after seeing and being around my mum and only in the last 12 months has he now admitted he has a problem because he hasn’t been able to stop. It’s now affecting his health and I just don’t know what to do. He isn’t getting ‘drunk’ just drinking and I know it will escalate it has been doing that for the last 7 years slowly but how do you tell another adult what to do. I wasn’t enough for my mum to stop drinking (I know it’s an illness and they can’t help it) so I know I won’t be able to get him to stop for just me but I honestly don’t know if I can put myself through this journey again. My life feels like it has been ruled by alcohol and to be dealing with this again is exhausting but I love him, we have been together 28 years and I just don’t know what to do. Help. Please

[helga]

Hi

Has he admitted to what level he has a problem?
is he still fully functioning in work/ home life?
I am navigating this myself at the moment..

I’m hearing a few things which I need to practise.

you cannot control the addiction

know your boundaries and make them clear to him

do not become the enabler

Are your finances on the table to see?
just a few thoughts. I have no answers as I’m searching for them myself xx

[Author]

Posts