[helga]

My husband went to rehab two weeks ago after a very slow buildup of alcoholism.
with a house move, a job that went wrong, and an inability to let go of his previous marriage ending in her affair and his parents splitting up as a kid..it seems that these issues seemed to build up and spill out as huge problems.. I was sympathetic for a while… Iv had my fair share in upset in life…but patience ran out when he would still discuss his parents separation (they are back together and have been for many years)

anyway- he’s in rehab now…

im trying to get my head round this being an illness and not just someone who is completely selfish self absorbed and obsessed with themselves I guess.
im also trying to work out how I regain trust with someone who I once trusted with my life..

someone help! Am I being awful saying bluntly how I feel? X

[thistim3]

Hi Helga:. This is a great place to be blunt. Sometimes it really does feel like it is all about them. Right? I don’t really know anything about rehab. Some here say rehab helped them and changed their lives for the better. Seems like it is a good thing that he wants to get better and is ACTUALLY doing something about it. Whether it helps or not. I can personally say that counseling has helped me through some difficult life events like those that you mentioned. There is something that is liberating about getting all those feelings out in the open (saying it out loud) with someone that you can trust. Someone that will not tell anyone else that you know. Also, I have experienced group support, which is also incredible therapy to be with people who are going through similar situations and they really do know how you feel. The trust part is hard. Especially when things that you should know about are hidden from you. The thing is – try not to take it personal. Your husband would most likely be the way he is no matter who he is married to. He struggles with stuff and reaches for a drink – and is realizing that this isn’t working out for him. While he is away you have a chance to have EVERYTHING your way. Make it all about you – for a change! There are probably many here who would love having that time for themselves. Me included. One thing I would do is redecorate our living room. He never lets me do anything in there. I would donate all that old furniture, paint the walls, rip out that old carpet, and make it all new in there! Any colors I want! Take a trip, start a garden, go to a show, go to counseling , get a makeover, adopt a new pet, take a class. ETC! Might be the best time you’ve had in a long time.

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