[paw_x]

Hi Hayley,

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please know you aren’t weak or useless. This is HIS problem. You didn’t cause it and you can’t control it. Only he can take steps to sort himself and there is nothing you can do that will make a difference.

What you do have the choice in though is whether you want to stand by if he isn’t bothering to try and recover. This will have a huge impact on both your mental and physical health over time, not to mention your finances. Would you expect him to stand by your side while you destroyed your family? It is likely he will get worse over time and so will you.

There are CA meetings on every day all over the country, there is help for him if he wants it. If he doesn’t, start thinking of putting yourself and the kids first. Make sure you’re looking after you as he won’t x

[Rae44]

Hi Hayley,

I can relate. My husband is a cocaine user too. He used to disappear for days and I would have anxiety attacks looking for him all hours of the day and night. Now he uses almost daily and doesn’t disappear anymore. He says this is better behaviour trying to justify his actions. Users will manipulate and gaslight us as it’s part of the addiction. Trust is gone which is the foundation of marriage. I find it in my house too. It sounds like you need to set strong boundaries for yourself. You cannot change him and you didn’t cause this. If he doesn’t want help it will get worse. You will continue to get sick as well. It’s hard with kids I know. I have three. I’m sorry you are going through this. Leaving is sometimes the best option.

[m]

The disappearing is one of the most awful things they do when using. It completely damages trust. It feels so cruel.

[bellapop]

I honestly could’ve written this myself, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. My husband is exactly the same, the manipulative and scheming side of him is scary.

I genuinely hope you’re okay 🙁

[Author]

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