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I don’t even know where to start, so here goes…
my Husband of 7 years is a regular cocaine user, he will go through weeks of not touching it, and then bang, 4/5 days of an absolute binge.
he will disappear for days… won’t hear from him, that is until his comedown kicks in.. then I hear from him alright!
the abuse towards me starts, the name calling the gaslighting and him making me feel worthless and that everything is my fault.
he has humiliated me publicly and makes horrible accusations about me which are not true. It’s not just me , he also does this to close friends and literally alienates so many people because of the way he talks when his is coming down.
he knows how much I hate him taking these drugs but I’ve told him I can’t stop him…. But I will never allow it in my home and I don’t want him around me when he chooses to do drugs.
he ignores my requests and secretly will use in our home where our 4 year old lives too!
he does not care, and when I ask him to leave he denies that his using although it’s very obvious! And makes out I’m crazy.
he will sit upstairs and for days will not eat or sleep , the longer it goes on the more uncomfortable I get , he gives me such anxiety.
I am normally a strong person but his addiction as weakened me and I feel like a shell of the person I used to be.
He always says his sorry after, he always says never again, he always says he hates doing it….
His health is suffering hugely, he has a perforated septum and breathing issues now.
his teeth were really bad , he decided to have his teeth done in the hope it would stop him using… so new teeth and still the addiction is there…
I am literally watching this man kill himself , I don’t know what to do anymore, I tried everything I can but I’m not enough, his child is not enough
I feel weak and useless. How has his addiction been able to destroy me so much 🙁
we have a business, that he controls .. money comes easy to him so he can sniff as much as he likes because it’s to accessible to him..
yet he has control over everything, he threatens to take my car from me and he can make my life so very difficult.
I will never understand him, I do everything for his company, I am a good wife and mother and yet he now treats me so badly.. I feel like the fool. But I pray the addiction will stop and he goes back to who he used to be , but I think the reality is, his gone now.
I feel trapped in this never ending nightmare to the point I’ve considered taking my own life
I’m so lost , i can’t live like this anymore and I don’t know what to do anymore.
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Hi Hayley,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please know you aren’t weak or useless. This is HIS problem. You didn’t cause it and you can’t control it. Only he can take steps to sort himself and there is nothing you can do that will make a difference.
What you do have the choice in though is whether you want to stand by if he isn’t bothering to try and recover. This will have a huge impact on both your mental and physical health over time, not to mention your finances. Would you expect him to stand by your side while you destroyed your family? It is likely he will get worse over time and so will you.
There are CA meetings on every day all over the country, there is help for him if he wants it. If he doesn’t, start thinking of putting yourself and the kids first. Make sure you’re looking after you as he won’t x
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Hi Hayley,
I can relate. My husband is a cocaine user too. He used to disappear for days and I would have anxiety attacks looking for him all hours of the day and night. Now he uses almost daily and doesn’t disappear anymore. He says this is better behaviour trying to justify his actions. Users will manipulate and gaslight us as it’s part of the addiction. Trust is gone which is the foundation of marriage. I find it in my house too. It sounds like you need to set strong boundaries for yourself. You cannot change him and you didn’t cause this. If he doesn’t want help it will get worse. You will continue to get sick as well. It’s hard with kids I know. I have three. I’m sorry you are going through this. Leaving is sometimes the best option.
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The disappearing is one of the most awful things they do when using. It completely damages trust. It feels so cruel.
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I honestly could’ve written this myself, I am so so sorry you’re going through this. My husband is exactly the same, the manipulative and scheming side of him is scary.
I genuinely hope you’re okay 🙁
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