[ssw]

Hi i dont even know where to start with this! My husband was caught asking a lady im our local shops for her phone number. In a row following this he admitted he was off his face of coke and dosnt even know why he asked for her number. It came out hes been on coke almost everyday at work and has been for about 3 years. During this time he has caused awful issues in the home. He dosnt go out so hes been taking it here in our home with me and the 4 kids. Hes been a horrible nasty gaslighting prick to live with. I had asked hundreds of times are you on something and everytime i did i was called terrible names told i need help im crazy. He said everytime we have had a drink in the last 3 years hes been on coke! Hes full of sorrow begging for forgivness swearing hes done with coke and only wants me and the kids. Hes been producing clean drug tests for the last few weeks and im glad for the kids if no one else. He hasnt signed up to anyform of professional help but keeps saying he will if i want him to. He thinks hes strong enough to stay away from it?? Hes changed job I dont know what to do its all to much for me and has deeply effected my mental health. All the lies gaslighting and now the lady from the shops in the mix. Im shocked to my very core. Has anyone ever been in a simular situatation if so how did it work out. Im yet to decide weather im going to stay in the relationship but hes still in the family home. All advice/storys welcome x

[sew26]

Hi Ssw

While my situation isn’t exactly the same I completely understand what you are going though. My partner has been abusing cocaine for the last 2 years and using recreationally before that.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and cannot imagine doing it with kids, I know exactly the type of behaviour you mention my partner is the same except we both know and often talk about addiction. He’s still a nasty man at times and I try to separate the man I love from the addict even though it’s so hard. For you to put up with that for 3 years you must be so strong.

If he has stayed off it for a few weeks without any help that’s a great sign but what I’ve learned about recovery is it’s much more than just being clean. I would encourage him to seek professional help especially if he is open to it so that he can continue in his recovery without things getting worse.

My only advice to you is make sure you have support wether you stay or leave him. Don’t isolate yourself, I know first hand how lonely it can be to live with an addict.

There are support services you can use as the family member of an addict which may help with your own mental health.

I’ve also found the YouTube channel Put the Shovel down to be a great resource.

Sending love,

Sx

[ssw]

Im watching put down the shovel i really like her thanks x

[fayzey]

Hi ssw, so sorry to hear your story, you must be totally in shock. My story’s similar in some ways although I found out sooner initially but he has then repeatedly had slip ups (one night of vanishing, no contact, then lots of remorse) and two major relapses in the last 5 years. In between I have had varying degrees of anxiety waiting/hoping it’s not going to happen again. I totally relate to the horrible gaslighting nasty attitude you get and the lies – awful! Whilst you know it’s the drugs making them like that it does become increasingly hard to forgive and forget, and the longer that behaviour goes on in my experience, the more of an impact it has on you and your well-being – I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past the last relapse and I’ve asked him to move out while we try and sort things although now feel terrible and unsupportive so who knows.

I would say he definitely should get professional help. Daily use for that length of time will be very hard to stop long term. Great news that he’s made the first step though and is making some positive changes with his job – it is literally everywhere though unfortunately – very hard to avoid. My partner has tried to do it on his own and has had success for short periods by avoiding everything and staying home, me having his bank card etc but long term they need to address the deeper issues which is what I hope he will do now. Cocaine Anonymous are great and have a number he could call for advice as well as meetings, Narcotics Anonymous also an option. I have come to the conclusion that going to the meetings and doing the ‘steps’ to recovery is essential to keep off it so I’m insisting on that this time before I even think about him moving back in.

We’ve got kids too so totally get it’s much more complicated. Have you thought about talking to someone yourself about how it’s impacted you? It’s a lot to deal with. Adfam and Icarus Trust have support for families.

Sending positive vibes your way xx

[ssw]

Thank you both for your replys im sorry yous are been put threw this!!

I also think he should seek professional help. (But i want him to go off his own back surely if he were serious this would be the first thing he would do ?) I never dreamt someone else actions could effect me so much. I feel its all to much to forgive i am not GOD the gaslighting and attacks became an everyday thing. Trying to convince me to go the doctor and get tablets as ” i am totally nuts and paroniod” i feel he crossed over from drugs to abuse and i just cant seem to shift that feeling. Its so hard to actually tell people whats been going its embarassing the shame so im glad i found this forum. Another thing if he seeks help will they involve child services this is something im terrified of if one parent presents them self as a drug user is it automatic that they involve the services ? I will have a look at the services for myself as usual its all been about him best of luck girls xx

[fayzey]

His ssw, totally get what you mean and I couldn’t just forget it all in the end and this time it only went on for 2 months so I can imagine after 3 years it would be very difficult.

My problem is that, even if he stopped (which he did say he had) I then didn’t trust him at all due to all the lies and he wasn’t willing to talk about it and felt like I was attaching him – I think if he’d had a bit more appreciation of the impact on me it would have been different…. It does sound like your partner really crossed the line with the things he said and did – do you think he’s genuinely remorseful now??

If he goes to CA or NA then that’s nothing to do with social services. It’s not automatic anyway but agree I would think it’s a risk if you go to the GP depending on what they are like and what’s said. Having said that my partner’s GP knows all about it and nothing’s been said.

He probably thinks he doesn’t need any help as maybe he’s not tried to give up before but that’s what my partner thought too but eventually after a life of relapses I’m hoping he finally realises he does.

Xx

[ssw]

Fayzey its a nightmare such selfish people. You say hes moved out where is your partner now are his family good my fellas family may aswell not exsist. So if i put him out i do wonder where the hell he will go? Dont feel guilty about asking him to leave you have to protect yourself and you gave him enough chances. Do you feel better in your self now hes gone?? Exactly i can not see it been so simple to give up in that case why are we in this situatation in the first place!! Sick of having to question every word he says its draining. Hes full of sorrow and tears but to be honest i think thats more to do with cocaine leaving his system than it is what hes been doing here to me.

[ssw]

Did you partners cheat girls to me asking for her phone number is cheating and i cant support him with his drug issues over this i just cant i feel like saying go to her let her help with this becauae i have had enough

[fayzey]

Hi ssw, sounds similar with the family situation – maybe that’s part of the reason they end up doing it in the first place cos they don’t have that family support (although lots of people do and still end up on it). He had nowhere to go but luckily found somewhere which is ok and seems he can stay for a while. I guess they are more resourceful than we think when they have to be. He actually slept in his car at the end of the road for about a week in the past though and the neighbours took him out coffee – but embarrassing really but I’ve moved now thankfully lol. I feel better in some ways as no more constant anxiety and wondering if I’m being lied to, but in other ways i feel terrible cos I think should I have given him more of a chance to sort himself out – but I’ve been here before and I guess I just got to a point where I couldn’t go through it with him again – I hope I’m doing the right thing and I think if he wants to stop long term he needs to do it himself without me setting lots of rules and taking his bank card etc…

As far as I know he has never cheated and I’ve never seen any evidence of messaging girls – he’s all about the drugs once he’s on it so would imagine the only reason he’d be thinking of messaging girls would be if they had something he wanted like a place to stay or more drugs…. I can’t say hand on heart he never has because he has lied about so many other things. If I found out he did though I think that would be it as I couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else….it may be because of the drugs but it still happened – I think they think that everything that happens while they are drinking/on drugs should immediately be forgotten once they stop but it’s just not that easy is it….

As much as you want to help I think you have to look after yourself first…it’s taken me almost 6 years of ups and downs and relapses to get to a point where I just can’t do it again though.

I would be very reluctant to just hope for the best he can do it without some professional help tbh but that’s just base on my personal experience.

Xx

[kulstar]

Hi SSW, sorry to hear about your position. You might want to check my story, its very much like me with me being the hubby.

I did the whole despicable thing of making my wife look crazy when she was rightly asking the same questions of me and my behaviour. We become manipulative and master the art of lying that we end up seeing it as a bit of a game towards us continuing our selfish behaviours – we’ll do almost anything to get our fix.

The truth of all this is only HE can change IF he wants too. What you’ve mentioned is he’ll get professional help if you want him too which just isn’t enough. The pull of the drug is what it is but he’s got to take responsibility for it all and got to want to make the change for him, not for you or your children but for him alone. This is the only way it’s sustainable.

He’s got to have a complete mind shift in how he views himself, the principles and values he must align himself with. If really does this the transformation is incredible. Maybe a transformational coach would be advantageous?

[jj11]

I have just found this wonderful site❤️.

I have just ended a 4 year relationship, with a man who engaged in binge drinking and coke.

I have been heartbroken this last 6 weeks it’s affected my job, my mental health, physical health and my ability to function. I became so codependent on him something I would never thought I could be.

I have caught him 2-3 times having had coke or bringing it into the home (which I own) I have kicked him out 3-4 times in 4 years due to his behaviour whilst intoxicated (always got it thrown back at me as he called it abusive behaviour).

I have toyed with the idea of him being a narcissist in addition however, traits of addiction and narcissistic personality are very similar.

Oh the words I have been called and the aggression have been chilling. Always always I was blamed for over reacting to his “going out with mates”

He would disappoint 7 hr walks, go on binge drinks for 7-8 hrs but claim “I was back at 8-9pm it’s not like it was 4am” justifying his behaviour.

I started filming audio on the days he went out and came back as the anxiety in me caused me to forget actual happenings of what was said plus the stress and levels of not knowing how to handle him.

The sheer gaslighting is so obvious in the audios to listen back to but I could not see it in the moment.

I have been made to react in situations he caused and I would NEVER react under normal circumstances.

What’s so devastating is I utterly love him and would have done anything for him. I’m in so much pain that I was forced to remove him from my life

[navy]

Hi Jj11

I’m so sorry to read your heartbreaking story.

This drug is so evil. I just wish they could see what it’s doing to them and us.

I hope you can move on with your life, you deserve to be happy and healthy.

Look after yourself and find an interest that you can get your mind off him and into yourself.

Take care xx

I’m still in my relationship for now. I’m on my 3rd time asking him to get help but I’ve read so many posts that they have to be the one to do it when they are ready.

I think it’s the end for me as I can’t go on with his behaviour. Aparently I’m the one with no love, no understanding. I’m the one who attacks him with words. Yet he still uses and lies to me.

I have really tried to get him to talk and get him out of the house it’s no good.

I’m so torn and cry myself to sleep most night.

I don’t think he will give this up until he has lost me as I think he believes I won’t leave as I’ve given him the choice drug or me and I’m still here and he still secretly using!!

Take care sending lots of love to you all xx

[smile1]

Well done for leaving this toxic relationship you did the right thing and you deserve happiness.

I’m trying to break free of my husband as well we don’t live together as I kicked him out back in March.

I just recently caught him on tik tock sending inappropriate comments to other women.

This is 4th time now over 7 years I’ve caught him do this to me and he knows how much pain it causes me.

I’m willing to divorce him end of the month and start the application.

It’s sooo hard so I admire you for leaving him you are inspiring thank you for sharing your story because this is what I want to do and I really need to find my inner courage.

Xx

[navy]

Hi smile1

I understand everything you say it’s so hard when you love them so much. But this drug is evil and turns them into a person you no longer know. You no longer like and want to leave them fir the hurt and anguish they cause you.

Be strong and do what you need to do. I’m following the advice of Jj11 to write a list of what you want in this relationship and the Pros & cons.

I’m hoping it will give me the insight I need to see if this relationship is worth saving.

Stay strong and take care xx

[jj11]

Hi Navy

Bless you. I don’t think they care what they loose unsless it’s the booze and drugs.

My recent ex even lost his driving licence and did not suffer the consequences.

Loosing me is nothing to him other than someone not supplying him with money and means to continue.

What I have come to realise is that I am exactly in the same position as every one of his other ex’s.

My ex I believe did it in the shed in our home and I didn’t have proof but deep down I know

[navy]

Hi Jj11

I think you maybe right. I’ve worked 7am-6pm today and text him throughout the day and had no response I was thinking the worst until at 5pm he sent me a message to say been asleep all day. WTH. I got home no dishes done, parcels outside the door and he is back in bed. Not even a cuppa ready for me. I’m so sad, I know what I have to do it’s doing it is killing me…….

We have things to do tomorrow together (it has to be together) I’m going to see how this goes and decide whether or not my relationship is worth saving.

I’ve just realised it’s me trying again and it should be him, this drug has definitely got hold of him.

Take care and stay strong xx

[jj11]

Hi Navy

It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that “we” as in people like you and I, need to focus on ourselves!! And that is sooooooo difficult as we have spent month’s if not years scurrying around trying to FIX their needs, wants and make them happy so they don’t use! Ie drink, drugs etc…

I will not lie to you it’s hard realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! Hard to leave because we crave their “good side” their love ❤️ as it feels so good and they are soooooo good at giving it.

But hook is because they keep us in a constant state of anxiety and ups and downs! I am still amid the detox of being in that state for almost 4 years and it’s rough. I’m hoping and praying focusing on myself will help . I’ve gone so far in focusing on myself I have booked a solo holiday for 7 days in the most boring but beautiful place in Europe to re connect with myself after the damage my ex caused…

NEVER place your worth in their hands as they value their needs more.

I’m saying all this to myself as well as you as I’m still in the midst of it all ????

Be strong as you already deep down know you are ❤️

[navy]

Hi Jj11

Thank you for your post. It made me cry, I know your right and I need to be strong. It is hard after being with him for over 20 years!!!!

I would like to congratulate you on booking a holiday, wow, go girl , bloody enjoy, relax, see sights, read a book do whatever you want. You deserve the best 7 days of your life.

I think I might be jealous ????.

Good luck, stay strong and enjoy. xx

[jj11]

Hi navy.

Sorry sweetheart to have made you cry but there must have been some truth to it. I was married for 17 years before this relationship and left that marriage for a lot less than this 4 year one.

Books I have mostly on how to break co dependency ❤️.

You have to look at the way things are under a big magnifying glass ???? and say to yourself …… can I see another 10-20 years of this? What will be left of me ? I at the moment take it day by day as I’m scared to think about my life alone. But I would (today at least maybe not tomorrow when I’m desperate in wanting him back) look at that and place yourself above all else.

Dig deep and find out what you want!

I feel for you and your pain but you are in control of your life. You as I appear to be an empath which we wanna fix things , make everything ok and crumble while doing it xxx

Give yourself time, love and find yourself again x

Ps I might fall apart tomorrow, today is a good day

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break!! I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I can honestly say that I won’t be here in 10 years time if I carry on like this.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this. ????

Sending the strength of love down this communication line to you ❤️????

Take care

Hoping your tomorrow will be a good day, xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I can honestly say that I won’t be here in 10 years time if I carry on like this.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this. ????

Sending the strength of love down this communication line to you ❤️????

Take care

Hoping your tomorrow will be a good day, xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this. ????

Sending the strength of love down this communication line to you ❤️????

Take care

Hoping your tomorrow will be a good day, xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this. ????

Sending the strength of love down this communication line to you ❤️????

Take care

Hoping your tomorrow will be a good day, xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this.

Sending the strength of love to you

Take care

Hoping your tomorrow will be a good day, xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok, I cry most nights anyway ????.

Wow what great way with words, if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this.

Sending the strength of love to you

Take care

Your tomorrow will be a good day xx

[navy]

Hi Jj11

It’s ok yes I think it hit home.

I think if I put my life under a magnifying glass I think it would break

I don’t like my life at the moment, Im lying to my parents about his addiction. I know they can see how much I’m hurting and they don’t know why.

I will sit tomorrow and write myself a list of what I want.

It’s going to be hard as your right I am an empath I always want to fix things put things right don’t argue give in and help when ever and how ever I can.

Your right in taking a day at a time, just look back on your good days, when the bad day comes. You don’t need him. You don’t need the anguish, the lies and how he made you feel. Look at how much better your life is now today.

Your a strong in dependant woman, you got this.

Sending the strength of love to you

Take care

Your tomorrow will be a good day xx

[jj11]

Navy

Write a “for once and for all list “ of what u want . In addition write a pros and cons list to staying in this relationship

Be strong lady! You will be here tomorrow and the next day and the day after because you are your own navigator ????‍✈️ in life…. It’s so hard when ur in it … I really do understand.

Focus on your strength and the nights ur alone when he’s out doing HIS THING. Make a plan for YOU!

Big hugs and sending positive thought … you got this girl! You are 1/2 way there entering this forum ❤️????

[navy]

Hi Jj11

Hope that your having a good day and your keeping strong and remembering that your an independent woman and you got this.

Thank you for coming back to me.

I’m going to write that list.

My day has not gone great.

My husband doesn’t go anywhere he is constantly in his room with AC going. When I got home today he was in a bad mood, he caused an disagreement I tried so hard not to shout at him. He just doesn’t want to spend time with me (that’s how it feels) he always wants to be in his room. He is always unwell.

He says the reason he sniffs so badley is because of the AC I’ve told him he has to stay out of it for longer. It’s no good for him.

(I know the right reason he still using)

Sending lots of love ???? and thank you for helping me on my journey of discovering me! xx

Take care

[smile1]

Yes my husband has been taking Coke for 7 years. We have been together for 7 years. He is also a gambler and obsessed with dating online sites and commenting on other womens profiles.

I kicked him out in March. And I swear to god I have more money now then I have ever had when living with him.

The shit he has put me through. And I can imagine what you all are going through.

Anyway after I kicked him out March he’s been attending his anonymous meetings, and living somewhere else.

I’ve had so much peace in my life since he’s don’t live here. However he still emotional blackmails me and swears at me.

I just recently caught him

On tik tock he made a new account and I saw inappropriate comments to other women. When I asked him

About this he said he swears on his mums life it wasn’t him and he got hacked. I cried for two nights whilst my boys were asleep thinking I am not good enough. I feel so insecure about myself knowing that the man that supposedly loves me would rather comment and tell other women they are gorgeous. I know he is lying I wish he wasn’t but I know the truth. Im In soo much pain and I’ve had enough the first and second time I let it go now he’s not willing to stop I’m getting a divorce.

He keeps saying he loves me and would die for me etc if he loved me he would never hurt me like this with all the lies.

At first I understood the drug is making him do these bad things. But enough is enough I’m

Mentally drained and emotional depressed I have two boys to look after and I need to be strong for them.

I’ve tried so hard to make this work he’s not trying hard. He’s going backwards and hurting me still.

This is not life this is torture.

I’ve been asking for miracles and it seems like I’m seeing hell with him.

Anyway slowly but surely I’m going to divorce him. I won’t tell him I’m going to do it quietly because he will go angry and crazy.

What I don’t understand is I’m going to be 37 soon and you think with age you become stronger and mature and to be honest I feel like a stupid person in love with the wrong person I just wish I had strength to leave this man for good. When will I learn? Why do I allow this in my life.

Wish me luck ladies.

[ssw]

Honestly smile1 i have never felt more a fool in my life but more fool them because when you cheat and lie to good reliable people it always comes bk to you.

You have done the hard part and cut him loose. Your better off money wise something i know i would be myself if alone. But that peace you speak of is priceless im actually jelous a little . Boy oh boy do i long peace how anyone can continue such behaviors whilst ruining the people they claim to love. I dont think i will ever come to terms with that or forgive.

So go you for choosing yourself xx

[smile1]

Also I wanted to share this with everyone that is reading if you have children and you are living with a coke addict you have to be so careful. Because if social services find out they will come for you not him.

And the reason being is because they will say you are administrating the drugs for him.

So if you in this situation you have to kick him out asap. You might not want to or you might feel sorry for them but you give him 4 weeks notice. If you are scared you speak to someone. But remember you need to put the children first you are their protector.

And if your husband questions why? You tell them straight I will not accept this drug using around my children.

Because I’m telling you, you do not want social services on your case.

And your children deserve peace and happiness environment.

Your husband might say or I promise I will stop but guess what they won’t stop overnight. You can’t sit around waiting you kick them out first to protect your children.

That drug is pure evil people don’t just stop within weeks it takes years.

[ssw]

I honestly dont know how you are all doing this time and time again it fills me with dread. Although i didnt believe for a second it was as easy as ok i give up, reading your storys of 3 4 5 chances and relapses!! My god well done to you all strong gals here amoung us ????????.

I for one cant and wont be doing this again im litrally traumatised knowing the truth.(i suppose you all said the same). As badly as i pushed for it, it was way worse than i expected to hear. It hurt me way deeper than i ever imagined.

The moral difference alone is just everest to me its discusting im a brutally honest person, who has no time for drugs the scene or anyone/thing like that. We have been hoodwinked and its a terrible realization ????.

Im with my partner 21 years im 39 more than half my life ! and i dont believe a single thing that has happened in that time anymore. I feel like im betraying myself and everything i am keeping him around. But yet hes still here its very hard even when you know you really want to wash your hands of them.

[ssw]

I honestly dont know how you are all doing this time and time again it fills me with dread. Although i didnt believe for a second it was as easy as ok i give up, reading your storys of 3 4 5 chances and relapses!! My god well done to you all strong gals here amoung us ????????.

I for one cant and wont be doing this again im litrally traumatised knowing the truth.(i suppose you all said the same at my stage). As badly as i pushed for it them answers, it was way worse than i expected to hear. It hurt me way deeper than i ever imagined.

The moral difference alone is just everest to me its discusting im a brutally honest person, who has no time for drugs the scene or anyone/thing like that. We have been hoodwinked and its a terrible realization ????. Their truth litrally whips ours from under us.

Im with my partner 21 years im 39 more than half my life ! and i dont believe a single thing that has happened in that time anymore. I feel like im betraying myself and everything i am keeping him around. But yet hes still here its very hard even when you know you really want to wash your hands of them.

So well done to all you walkers i hope you all catch a break xx and they stayers to lol cant forget abt us

[bythesea21]

Hi ladies

How are things with yous now? I have ready through your stories and I am so sorry that we have to go through these difficult times.

I found out in June this year that my husband was taking coke and drinking during the week at work for the last 1.5 to 2 years on and off but got worse nearer the end when I found out (mortgage payment bounced from his account and I got the letter in the post). Thank god I look after the rest of our money and savings but we could have saved so much more over the years. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me but we tried to move on as we had a holiday the following week. After the holiday he said he was doing fine wasn’t thinking about drink or drugs until one night about 2 months later I asked to look at his bank and he has transactions from an off license that day so I told him to leave. I felt so betrayed even more than the first time as he kept telling me over the weeks how great he felt. Anyway I haven’t trusted him since, it’s been 7 weeks and on Tuesday past he seemed a bit strange so I pushed and pushed him and eventually he said he had 4 small bottles of smirnoff ice on the way home because he was so stressed.

Honestly I was so done he lied to me face there again and I couldn’t take it anymore. Told him to leave and that we were done. Since then I’ve been swaying back and forth over decisions but really thinking of divorce.

He is seeing a counsellor next Thursday but I don’t even feel supportive anymore. I’m completely depressed. The problem is he is always in a good mood, loves everything about me, would never leave me, never criticises me etc but I can’t take the lies.

[navy]

Hi bythesea21

so sorry to read your story, it’s horrible, sad and it hurts so bad. I’m still with my husband there is circumstances that I have said on hear and it hurts me so much, I truly love having you guys to talk to.  I’m also going to see a therapist to help me through this to understand myself. Please look after yourself and don’t get dragged into to it too deeply as it makes you feel that your losing it. The lies hurt so much.

Everyone will tell you that it’s down to them to  change not to us to push it.  I honestly don’t think mine will ever give it up and I need help to get through this (my therapist)  to get strong enough to leave.

thinking of you, take care and look after yourself.

love navy xx

[Author]

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