[bigdrunner]

Hi Amanda – I signed up this morning for exactly the same reason. I’ve had enough and just don’t know what to do. I raised her drinking with my wife for years and got exactly the same defensive response. I really thought I’d broken through in May when she realised and admitted she drank too much but she seems unwilling or unable to do anything about it, and a week after absolutely pouring my heart out to her she was the same staggering, slurring, drunken mess, and every night since then. I had a really helpful realisation recently that helped me come to terms a little it better. I obviously realise I can’t make her change, she has to want it. It made me feel better by putting my thoughts to her in writing, as I can read them back and see time after time how hard I’ve tried. My realisation was that I’m allowed still to love her but also able to conclude that I should not be expected to live with her drinking. I don’t have to pretend I no longer love her but am getting close to the stage where I’ll have little choice but to move out.

I hope this forum helps, I’m certainly hoping it helps me. No one should be expected to live with the consequences of addiction in this way.

[vix]

I managed to marry two alcoholics and I do know unless they accept they have a problem and want to change there is nothing you can do.

I think you are right to recognise that you love them but you do not like them and you do not deserve that life. I think you have to look after yourself and do what is right for your own mental health.

If they want your support to get treatment / help of course you do what you can.

My first husband died an alcoholic the second got treatment and stopped drinking but it took him 3 or 4 tries. We divorced.

[Author]

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