[hox]

Gutted. I can understand you feeling awful.

I think if you truly love him you cannot let him go. It’s not possible in my opinion. But probably stop contacting him , let him contact you. Let him hit rock bottom.

Its an excuse him telling you that you won’t let bygones be bygones. A good enough one in his mind to walk out and put his needs first. He would have used the argument as his excuse to go.

I can understand the ’emotionally unavailable’ that sounds like my ‘husband’ in fact it describes him quite well nowadays.

It is not right him walking out and leaving the kids alone. I don’t know if you remember my ‘husband’ left me, just went. It was six months later that I found out about his addiction. He is reckless, didn’t go to work.

I can also remember him defending a mate of his. Not to me but to a friend of ours he totally went on one when she said the person was a waste of space. He told her his was a respectable business man and was a different person nowadays. Do you know what, without the cocaine he would have said he was a waste of space and he had said so for years. But he started going around with this chap because he could take all the coke he wanted with him in tow. It’s all about them and their needs.

Try and look after yourself whilst he is going through his episode. We will never understand their thoughts and their addiction, how can we it’s not what we call normal.

[b8988]

You can prepare for it all you like but when it happens it knocks the wind out of your sail.

I feel depressed, anxious and generally deflated, but I still have to go to work tomorrow and I still need to look after 5 kids. It drives you mad how selfish they are!

Leaving the kids in my opinion is inexcusable, we can try and be as empathetic as we like about it being an illness but there has to be consequences to their actions otherwise he will just get worse!

I have never gone two days without him ever contacting me before, in the past it was always something, whether it be to ask if the kids were ok, to say sorry or to dish out abuse. This time nothing!

I don’t know why I’m so bothered when he’s clearly not thinking of anyone but himself.

If I do manage to build myself up after this I don’t ever see a way back for us. That’s a whole new emotion to deal with (acceptance).

[hox]

It does knock the wind out of your sails, like you say there is no preparing. Nothing is normal what they do anymore. Selfish is an understatement.

You are right about it being inexcusable leaving the children and are spot on about them getting worse if there are no consequences to their actions. Their addiction can become their excuse for everything they do.

I have been depressed for fourteen months and I tortured myself not going to the docs. I was anxious and deflated, not sleeping and I developed bruxism too. I couldn’t take it anymore i’m now on anti depressants and am going to CBT and am feeling more level if you know what I mean. The tablets numb me.

I have to go to work too to keep everything going. It has been a struggle and we haven’t got kids.

We bother because we loved the person they were before the addiction took a hold of them. Before sniffing coke my ‘husband’ didn’t flinch at anything that life threw at us. Now he runs away.

I don’t know how you can build yourself up after this as I’m still trying myself. I wish I had a magic wand to take all our misery away I really do. I’m trying to deal with being on my own too after all these years.

[ash2013]

B8988 are you alright? Have you heard anything from him. In my experience, much as you want to treat him like he’s treating you, punish him by ignoring him, something inside us just wont allow us to do that, right?

I feel so sad reading your post about the relapse, you were only pre-empting this last week, maybe you have a sixth sense and knew it was coming before he did!

A magic wand would be great!

[b8988]

Read my reply to that lost girls post hun. I’m actually feeling ok.

He turned his phone off for 4 days said wasn’t on drugs, didn’t think he wanted to be with me.

As soon as I backed off I’ve had the lot today whilst I’ve been at work, suicide threats, threats to disclose my secrets, him being nice, him being vile! Basically he’s acting so crazy and irrational I’m quite enjoying being able to see it for what it is.

Madness!!!

I don’t want anymore of it, I’m done!

They say when you’re done, you’re done and I feel totally different. Today is the turning point.

I am no longer seeing anything good about him. That is helping a lot!

Hope you’re well x

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