[herbie]

My husband has been drinking for over 10 years, he sought help once via CBT but did not think this helped, we moved and have a wonderful life, but the drinking has started again. I find empty bottles hidden in places, working late often involves coming out of the office drunk. We both work from home so I am aware how bad it is, he tries to hide it by hiding it in Coke bottles. If I find a bottle of rum or vodka, I pour it away, I don’t care if he sees me do it or not. He often stinks of vodka and I find it so embarrassing. I am now starting to doubt if it is my problem or not, if he can hold down a job and bluff everyone then surely I need to accept this? I have now told my parents as I can’t carry the burden anymore. I find my mental health is now getting affected as I know deep down he is a lovely man but he is a horrible drunk. If I move out, I will be giving up on my life that we have worked hard for.

[nod23]

Hi Herbie

I feel your pain, I doubt I can help but just wanted to try!

Have you spoke to him about it? Does he see that he has a problem?

[tiger]

I know exactly how you feel. My AH hides it yet it’s so obvious. Working from home has made it a lot worse, he’ll gulp wine from the bottle at 7am that he hides in the cushion store out in the garden.

He recently had blood tests to check liver function and where the reading should be 40 his was 600! He is very close to be being referred to hospital. He tried home detox but has fallen back into his old ways which are escalating.

I’ve read up on enabling which I am trying not to do. I’m not shouting at him when hes drunk as he won’t remember the next day.

I’m worried he’ll lose his job if they think he’s been drinking or that I’ll find him dead in the morning from alcohol poisoning. He’s got thin, muscle wasting, bruising and I can see yellow in his eye’s (where they should be white).

I contacted turning point again and unless he is willing to contact them or the GP there is nothing else that can be done.

That is what has led me to this forum, I’ve been told to get support for myself.

[regdavmab]

Hi all

Hope you’re doing ok.

My partner has been drinking for as long as I’ve known him. A functioning alcoholic but no one really said anything because it was ‘normal’ for him. I obviously enabled without even realising. It was just a regular part of his life. But an expensive part. And the drink turned into something to ‘chill him out’. Over a month ago he became extremely ill. His tolerance reduced to nothing which was shocking as usually you couldn’t even tell he’d had a drink. So to be honest it’s bizarre and strange how he’s all of a sudden become so unwell. Maybe it was just his body saying enough is enough. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t eat, couldn’t go to the toilet, had a fever, stomach pains, hand spasms, couldn’t speak and so on. I was terrified. Managed to force him to the hospital. They discharged him the next day and said to carry on drinking but decrease gradually and wait for the alcohol service to get in touch. Useless. A week later I swear he almost died and when I contacted the GP at my wits end he said actually he shouldn’t have been discharged and told to drink as he is high risk of liver failure. The stress was unbelievable, I don’t know how I’ve been coping. I had no choice but to get him into private rehab because in his poisoned delirious state he refused hospital again saying they wouldn’t help him and just send him away. If I hadn’t got him in (borrowed money) I don’t know if he’d have been here. He will be out next week and will have done two weeks. He is detoxed and sounds much better, he’s eating and walking around a lot, showering etc., which is the main thing. But I dropped some bits off two days ago and was horrified to discover his skin and eyes had turned completely yellow. I hid my shock and upset for his sake. I have been told repeatedly he’s in the best place as of course stopping drinking is the first step. Over the last year his drinking increased up to a litre of vodka a day. He’s only 41. He has an urgent liver scan when he gets out and I am sick with worry. I don’t know what that will reveal and I don’t want to. Please get in touch with your local alcohol service (GP referral). They may be able to provide an inpatient detox where it is taken out of your hands and they also help with safe decreasing. My partner unfortunately only got help when he was at death’s door and like I said who knows what the outcome will be of the scan. He may not have got any help if I hadn’t have found the money which doesn’t bear thinking about. I’ve already tried to get some things in place for afterwards like an AA sponsor, alcohol service appointment where they will provide craving meds, obviously the scan (over a month wait even for urgent ones but we luckily got a cancellation), and a general GP appointment. I’m also going to contact the local carers service as the worry I’m experiencing is overwhelming, I can’t sleep or eat. Please know you aren’t alone. There is comfort and advice out there. If you let me know your area I’d be happy to source some info for you. This is all new to me as well. It isn’t acceptable for us to just be ok with it and put up with the anguish and worry and heartache. Now when I look back I realise before this happened it wasn’t alright, there were things in our relationship and his life that were being affected by alcohol. I understand how you must feel when the GP say they can’t help if the person isn’t willing. It’s so frustrating and heartbreaking. No matter what I said to my partner about how he urgently needed care he said no one would help and I just had to watch him fading away. When I explained what rehab would do he agreed but who can afford private rehab! It’s going to take me a long time to pay the money back. I obviously know that this is just the start, rehab is the easy part. Please keep reaching out, it does help.

[sh87]

My husband has just returned from rehab, prior to this he came to me and told me the full extent of his problems as he had had enough of the control he had over his life. I’ve always known he was a heavy drinker, I enjoy a drink as do all of our friends but over the last couple of years it got so much worse than I even realised. He wanted to go to rehab he wanted the chance to get his life back which I supported and have helped fund, through extending our mortgage, I felt as though he and our children deserve the chance to get their dad back. It hasn’t been a smooth journey since his return he’s had a couple of relapses. I have given him a choice, he either drinks but he is on his own or has a sober life with me and our children, everybody knows friends & family and they support this decision. But ultimately this is his choice, I can’t take that away from him but I also I have my choices… I don’t want a life with him drinking however much I love him I will be putting myself and my children first in the future. Good luck with your journey and remember none of this is your fault and you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone, talk to friends and family and don’t cover for his behaviour.

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