[Jessie05]

I’m finding it hard to convey what I want to say, I left my husband 2 months ago due to things all coming to ahead. He’s forever begging me to give him a chance to show he’s changed, however I do not think I can trust him again. We have been together 11 years married 7.

We share an house together, which we pay rent and the bills  however it belongs to his family. I left and was unsure what I wanted to do deep down.

I know that he’s had issues and that he’s been using cocaine and cannabis. Even though it wasn’t a nice environment and we was not getting along due to this, him making threats that dealers were going to get me if I got rid of anything, knowing that I was taking care of my sick grandparents people were in my house doing drugs and drinking. His excuse was it’s my fault as if I wasnt a proper wife who was around 24/7 he wouldn’t do these things. I stuck it out thinking maybe he will stop. However, Sept last year I came home to find the kitchen emptied with cocaine laying around and him passed out on the sofa. Thinking this was his wake up call that he needed to do something and only now do I realise he just hid it better for a while.

A couple of months ago he went out one night while I was at home, come back completely out of it, where as I told him to keep away this didn’t seem to get threw to him. And he tried to get into bed with me, where he tried cuddling me when I said “no” he called me a slag then frigid. I just felt my personal space was invaded. When something clicked he got up and got a knife to himself. The police came and took him to A and E. Against my better judgement I went back home after 2 weeks.

After another couple of weeks, he got in a state again where he trashed the bedroom, and i barricaded myself into a bedroom where he continuously bashed at the door threatening with electric tools etc. Finally I said enough was enough and got my family to collect me.

Now he’s constantly telling me he’s changed and that he’s getting help. However I’m scared to actually say How I feel, as he’s worked his way round his family and I’m now felt I’m the bad guy by not giving him another chance, telling him to make sure he gets the key off me and no longer welcome in their houses (I was very close to his family and would do anything for them) so I feel betrayed by them all and also think they are condoning his behaviour. But I’m still confused in my own head whether I actually believe him or not.

[navy]

Hello jessie05

im so sorry to read this.  You need to look after yourself, especially if he has been violent. I know being close to his family and them turning away from you but it’s their son, you have done everything for him.
Do his family actually know what he has done from you or just what he has said. I can’t believe you came home to drugs all over the kitchen and him passed out that must have been so upsetting. I would have gone crazy. They always say they will change and until he can prove it you do what you want on your terms, perhaps only stay over 1 a week and then gradually do more things together going out shopping or walking.  Make it what you want and see how he behaves if that is what you want. Tell him you won’t put up with him taking drugs. EVER…….

My husband is still on cocaine, I called him out in April.
I’m trying to sum up the courage to leave him as he has mental health issues (which I think is mostly to do with the drug) of course he doesn’t he keeps telling me he is struggling mentally I need to help him, love him and laugh with him, but I can’t when I know he has taken it. My heart sinks and I feel sick. The last argument he said he would stop, this was in sept, and he would tell me if he slipped up!!! Well he took it Thursday night and he hasn’t told me.  I said I wanted to know when he had a craving so we could do something to take his mind of it but agin I’ve heard nothing, I want to ask him but I know he will lie or get defensive and turn this on me. I make him unhappy, work is stressful, everyone wants from him, I know I’m being so stupid in staying, I do want out as I think I’m going to end up with anxiety. I wish love wasn’t this painful

I hope you can get on with your life, the way you want too.

are you family supportive with you and your friends.?

Take care lovely, stay strong to yourself.
love Navy

 

[Jessie05]

Sorry to hear about your situation, it’s very hard feeling so helpless, when all you want to do is help the person you love. My husband always tells me I don’t understand what he’s going threw and that’s why he chose the path he did. I know it’s hard but you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to it, which is what I did for so long hoping the situation will go away. You need to look after yourself, you don’t want to end up poorly. I know it’s a very stressful situation to be in, and your partner will never see the stress he’s putting you under, he won’t be able comprehend that he’s the actual cause of it.

For so long I didn’t tell my family hardly anything of what had been going on due to the fact I never wanted them to have a bad opinion about him. However, it got to stage I couldn’t cope I felt alienated due to the fact his own family knew everything and didn’t understand how I felt. So I told them and a couple of friends, who are very supportive but at the same time think I should leave him, which is hard to completely separate from him.

I hope you have people around you who are supportive and you feel you can talk to. Just remember your never alone.

Love

Jessie05

 

 

[Lozzy80]

Hi Jessie your husband is bang out of order and not because of his addiction. He is violent and abusive and does not deserve you 🙁 please have faith in yourself you know deep down that twisting upside down feeling in your stomach ? Do you get that around him , even if it’s not often , that’s your instinct kicking in to tell you you know it’s not good and to get away . Please don’t care what his family think , they of course will take his side. They are not in the relationship , it’s you and him ..and this is detrimental to you …you don’t need to put yourself through any more of his crap you have suffered enough
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Please have a search for womens aid forum to get support there , or contact your local centre  ..they have been there and will know how to help you. Please take care of yourself.</p>
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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