[growing-in-wisdom]

I don’t want you to die.
But I have to let you go like you’re dead.
I wait, every second that goes by,
For signs you’re alive instead.

The silence gives me hope
That you are somewhere safe
The silence drowns my hope
Because I fear you are far from safe

But when the silence is broken
I dread, who will be there?
Friendly voice of liar?
Or angry voice of fear?

I guess, whichever one gets you higher

I beg for you to love
Whilst praying for you to hate
Nothing I say or do will be enough
Nobody is in control now; it is too late

The taste has got grips around you
Pulling you so tight
The darkness has overcome you
You mistake dark for light

Whatever choice you make
I will have to feel
You make the choice to take
And it’s only your pain that can be concealed

I’m torn

Which pain should I choose now?
Hurt trying to save you?
Hurt trying to save me? But how!
There’s losses with the two

Am I a hypocrite? I am confused.
Is what we are going through actually the same?
I’m hurting trying to let go of love for you
Whilst asking you to let go of love; for a drug which makes you insane

Why did my love not make you high?
I thought I was reserved for your soul.
The terrible things you’ve done have made me more than cry
My heart was full, but now has a hole

I’m worn

Every time you take darkness
I try and shine light
Every time you lose choices
I have to be ready to fight

Your love for the high hurts us all
My love for you prolongs an agony
If I choose to stop fighting will you exist at all?
If I stay and support will it end in tragedy?

You choose not to make a choice
And so it’s me which must choose
Which pain will win its voice
And which hope shall lose

But we know there’s no winners or losers
When anybody looks at the children’s face
Because we don’t choose to soothe us
With what you use to fill the empty space

And so it’s back to waiting
With silence, hope and dread
Only the drug is choosing
Which parts of us are dead.

[Author]

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