[stillhopeful2019]

So I have left my husband of 13 years due to his addiction to alcohol coke and weed. Left 7 weeks ago but I miss him terribly. How do I shake that feeling off? I know in order for him to hit rock bottom I need to minimise contact but I jus cant not be in contact with him or see him on occasions. Apart from the addiction, he is a really nice husband and father to our kids but his substance use was starting to impact our finances. I have this overwhelming desire to be with him but know I did right by leaving him, hopefully temporarily until he fixes himself….if he does. He is reluctant to get professional help as he feels he can control it but I have to remind him that he has tried that so many times and within a short time he uses again. Obviously I love him and miss him terribly. Sometimes I feel awful thinking I just abandoned him and should be there to support him but I know I have tried to help him all these years and I realise he has to help himself. Honestly the pain of being without him is worse than when I first left him. I stay focused and remind myself why i did this but then i have weak moments where i start craving him and make contact. My friends and family dont agree with the way I’m handling this and I do agree with them but I cant help it. Any tips?

[dfh]

I’m in the same situation but I am still with him. I did leave and come back but that didn’t work, I caved in. Now it’s still the same although maybe with him using less. I’m raising a baby singlehanded and have 2 older kids.

The only one who will have to make sacrifices will be you. I had to join finances and put trust I don’t have in a person who is only interested in drugs. And the withdrawals are awful. And he is my soul mate so I like you can’t face life without him.

Hope this insight helps, sorry it’s brief as I don’t get much time to type or check in on here.

Sounds like a stick or twist situation and only you can make the decision based on what you want out of it.

[stillhopeful2019]

Hey thanks for responding. My husband tried to cut down but he would slowly build it back up again to a massive binge which would usually end with a massive argument, I have called the police on him a few times as he started to get aggressive, he has never hit me but I was scared it was getting to that point as he seemed out of control. When I think back and remember the bad times, I am glad I left and I realise I need to stay away but when I miss him, I start feeling sad for what we had. I mean i spent 13 years of my life with this man, we have 2 children, our social circle was there, we had a home. But then I quickly stop myself and remind myself of the times when he spent all our money, when he got aggressive, when he broke promises. And then I start feeling angry again. I keep going round and round in circles. Missing him then hating him. I have told him many times he needs professional help, I just hope he finally sees sense and reaches out. I know this cant continue, I need to move on with my life for the sake of myself and my kids. I cry and wish I wasnt going through this, it’s the most difficult thing ever.

[dfh]

That’s my life in a nutshell too. Everything bad is almost forgotten out of desperation to have a normal happy family. It’s normal to feel like that. We didn’t choose this so why should we be the ones to let go. I totally understand how you feel. I try and get on here as much as I can so if you need an ear just let me know. Shame we can’t swap numbers, support each other.

[stillhopeful2019]

Dfh thank u. It certainly helps to know I’m not the only one. The difficulty i guess is the not knowing what is going to happen. I feel lost and sometimes half the person I was, a bit like I have lost a limb. But you’re right, we didnt choose this and I feel for my kids as I never expected they would have to grow up in this kind of environment, least of all they would witness their parents split up. I do hope and pray its not permanent but it isnt looking good at the moment. Anyhow I decided I needed to do this for my children more than myself and I certainly wont be returning. If he wants to join us, he has to prove he has sought help and is no longer an addict. I am so glad I found this forum and plan to use it as much as I can. I am also going to look into al anon meetings, from what I have read, they can really help with trying to make sense of this difficult situation. And thank u, I will definitely take u up on the offer of an ear. Friends and family try to offer their support but they dont really understand what it’s like, not like us so same goes to u, I am happy to be there for u toowhenever u need to vent or share anything. Take care and i wish us both the best outcome whatever that may be x

[Author]

Posts