[BumbleBee]

I almost don’t know where to start with this.  I’ll try to give some background as honestly as I can.  Even though parts don’t make me look too good.

I met a guy through our sons and we became friends.  I was also friends with his partner.  For three years the friendship deepened.  I’d help his partner with her anxiety, assisted their cost of living issues and generally helped where I could.  His partner cut contact about 9 months ago, but me and him continued to be friends.

Just before Christmas, he told me he had feelings for me.  Neither wanted to betray his partner so it was not acted on.  A month later, they broke up.

I was aware of his cocaine use and mental health issues, but not to the extent I do now.  As he needed more support, he became more honest; the extent of his severe depression, the traumas he’s experienced and… the severity of the coke binges.

With a lot of time and learning fast, I started to encourage him on a few fronts: that he had value and potential, life could be good and that he needed professional help.

I supported him going to psychologists and into group sessions.  He is now at the start of the programme.

The friendship deepened somewhat.  It wasn’t without moments of deep despair from him or challenges (calling me throughout the night), but for the most part, I kept it stable.

Here is how I messed up.

His partner got in touch with me because the criminal gangs to which he owed money were smashing their windows and yelling death threats.  I settled for them.

Thus began a spiral of enablement.  In order to keep him on track to even entertain the idea of the recovery, I settled historic debt.  But he also used and he’d lie.  I picked my battles with him but it erodes trust and confidence.

Finally, he started the programme and he started to come out of this dark place he’d been in for 3 months.  Not massive steps, he just had some hope.  However, the debts were still there and – stupidly – I paid them off to be had stability to recover.

I realised too late that I had feelings.  I also realised that he lied.  And so became this cycle of me drawing up boundaries, him wanting money, threatening to go to these criminals (who pull machetes on people in the street) and me giving in.  Weak and pathetic.

I’d always trusted in our friendship but the doubts started: he only wanted me for my money.

I’m not overly romantic, but it’s true to say we have a connection, which coupled with him helping me through a difficult time last year, means that the doubt and outcome of this has broken my heart.

I had to break the cycle so I drew up boundaries about money stopping and him lashing out at me.  His response?  That he couldn’t deal with ‘attention chasing’ and he was cutting me out of his life.

I feel disposable, used and a fool.  Like I won’t ever be able to trust anyone.  Because he used to say and do the loveliest thing – I prized my friendship with him and like an idiot believed him.

I’m 41 and have never experienced the trauma, despair and hurt about watching someone disappear to addiction.  And it’s left me not knowing if any of it was real in the first place.

please help me

 

 

 

 

[Emberoland]

Mdma, Amphetamine, Bmk oil, Meth, Steriod Tap in +19145102061

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