[opalfroot]

Hi, sorry, I’m coming from a fresh upset. I have lived with my partner for over a year now, but after another drinking relapse of their’s, have found that it’s really taken a toll on my mental health. I feel I have no right to this, as though I personally don’t have any history with drink, am aware that the difficulties and challenges associated with alcoholism are monumental, and communication can be found difficult, embarrassing, or just alienating. I was not told of the alcoholic tendencies before moving in together, and though I have tried to support in any way I knew, and having reached out to helplines for extra support, am feeling more brittle with every time I have to find out and tidy up afterwards, and cannot distinguish alcoholic tendencies with awful behaviour in general. I am having panic attacks which I had never previously experienced, and will lose my job if I have to take any more sick days.

[careaboutyou]

Hi….just for background I am a widow of an alcoholic. So I understand only too well.

My advice is, this is affecting you mentally and physically ( just as it did me and would anyone in your situation ). I know all the shameful things they do.

This website did not exist when I was going through this. Thank goodness it does and that is why I’m writing to you. You do not deserve to have your life, your health and future happiness hijacked by a weak addict. Never mind the challenges of the addict. What about you? It’s ruining your life. Get out, leave, move on, move out.

Get out of the relationship, you are not responsible, it’s not your behaviour. Your partner never told you about this, believe me, it’s too much to deal with.

Get out and good luck!

[opalfroot]

Hi, thank you so much for replying. It has been so tough trying to navigate this relationship without having any references or support, so I’m grateful for this forum and especially for your correspondence.

I’ve approached this for over a year by blaming and harming myself, and now realise that although I have created so many scenarios in my head where I take responsibility and stay (“If I go, they might neglect their dog”, “They won’t cook for themself”, etc.) but I am no substitute for the right support, I have sacrificed enough.

Unfortunately, I have drained my savings (partially due to inadvertently funding this addiction, as I was told they didn’t have their half of the rent on a few occasions) but my family are supportive enough I feel I would be helped to find a fresh start if I told them (one immediate member knows, whom I trust). I’m just scared, and feel I am younger than I’d like to be in this position (I’m 22, my partner’s 8 years older) – Not that I can/should idealise an age, but my brain has been jumping through strange hoops throughout this.

Thank you again, and if I don’t update, your advice has been crucial to me and so reassuring to hear today.

[Author]

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