[laura86]

I have stumbled across this forum tonight, while chouring through the internet for him. I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 5 years. We have a daughter together who is 8 and I have a son from a previous relationship who is aged 10. Today was the day that I finally left my husband. After years of putting up with his cocaine addiction, I had enough. I always knew he done cocaine, but thought it was just a social thing that he done. Over the years the addiction has got worse. I’ve tried helping him numerous times, but he doesn’t follow anything through. I think he just goes through the motions for my benefit. We end up in this vicious cycle of he promises to change, he starts to seek

Help, he gives up the help, starts using again, starts lying to me again, then I catch him out and the cycle starts all over again. At this moment in time I hate him. All I keep thinking is, “why has he done this to me?” “Is it something I have done to make him this way?” “Why can’t he just stop?” He has spent all his wages on cocaine this week, I’m left now penniless with no money, because of his selfish actions. How do I pick myself up after this? I have 2 children to look after, a part time job and a full time uni course. I’m at rock bottom and need help.

[danman83]

Really sorry to hear this laura.. hope you are ok. You dont deserve this at all

Ive been having cocaine for about 8 years now. I last touched it new years eve. So i am 5 week clean. My gf enough new years eve and said its either coke or i lose her and the kids.

Ive only been having it once a month. And may be once a week. And 2 week. It varys. Never did i have it through the week. But i never thought i was an addict

I have found out i am. If you take for.6 month, your an addict. Its got you. Ive admited that now..and i so much want to quit. Its no fun.. it sends me really depressed and suicidal. I have it in the house on my own a lot. But its only after alcohol. Alcohol makes u want coke a lot more! I wish i never touched the shit.

Anyway… this is what ive done to stay off it and helps such.

1.he has to admit defeat, and admit he has a cocaine problem

2. He needs to delete every mate to do with cocaine and dealer out his phone.

3. Do not drink any alcohol at all.

4. Stay away from trigger points. I.e- places were u picked drug up, places were you used.

5. Change his life around or his routine.

Ive took up reading, and i never read! And now im loving it. Its up to him what he chooses. Gym, make something, decorate, paint. Do gamea with kids, walking.

6. Ask for help.

I can go on all day. And ive got more to say. But its working for me. But he himseld needs to admit defeat and admit he wants help. Otherwise hes just gonna not be arsed and relapse.

How often is he using? Does he have alcohol when hes using?

Theres a great app called pocket rehab. Tell him to down load it.. its were addicts support and talk to each other its great, also he needs to watch afew videos by louise clarke on you tube on crack-cocaine part 123. She knows her stuff and helps people to quit.

Just ask me anything you want laura. I hope your ok. It effects everyone. And my gf is the same.

[laura86]

Than you for replying to me Danman83, He has admitted to me that he has a problem before numerous times.

He has seeked help before, by gives up after a few weeks. I think he thinks that it’s going to be an instant fix, which it isn’t.

I probably sounds selfish to a lot of people, but I have given up with him. I can’t put myself or the kids through this for any longer.

He is beyond my help now and I can’t put up with his constant lies. He does it at work, I found evidence in his work bag and he does it at home in the evenings, while I’m at work and his suppose to be looking after our children. He used to say that alcohol was the trigger, but he has been doing it, while not drinking.

I know that the addiction is not his fault in some aspects, but I get so angry with him. I just don’t understand why he still does. I often say that there is 3 people in our marriage me, him and cocaine. I’m never gonna compare to the cocaine. So I’m fighting a loosing battle. I just hope some day that he can get clean.

[hox]

You are not selfish, you have to do whats right for yourself at the time. You are married you haven’t just walked out without trying to help over the years. Like Danny says you have to admit you have an addiction not just a problem.

I’m in a similar situation (if you read the other stories) my husband hasn’t even admitted he has a problem with the cocaine never mind addicted to the stuff. But alcohol is the trigger in our case, he has a drink with his mates then out comes the coke. But then again if you are craving it you’re gonna take it anyway. I’m fighting a loosing battle too, you are not alone here and no one will judge you leaving.

[laura86]

Thank you, I appreciate your reply. I’ve read your story and realise that we are in a similar situation. (It’s rubbish!!!) I have stopped being angry with my husband and have calmed down. Him leaving was the best decision for myself, him and our children. He has started to attend cocaine anonymous. He says he is really benefiting from the meetings and attending twice a week. Has your husband moved out yet? Do you have anyone you can talk to regarding your situation. I have a large circle of friends, but only confine in a couple, because I feel embarrassed of my situation and don’t want everyone gossiping about me. I feel that I can only talk to people who are in a similar position as myself and know what it feels like to be 2nd best to cocaine. I do find this forum helps me with that. Take care of yourself. X

[hox]

Good that you have stopped being angry, it does us and them no good. I’m glad your husband is benefiting going to CA.

Husband hasn’t moved out yet. I’m constantly on edge. I’m anxious when he comes home and the same when he’s out. I dread coming home from work and he’s here but worry when he’s out till the early hours. There is no escape from these feelings, I have no peace.

I talk to a few close friends but they don’t know everything. I find it better revealing my feelings on here where people do understand. I’m embarrassed and feel humiliated by his actions toward me.

You take care.

[danman83]

Thats what ive learned watching this expert on you tube.. your bf needs to treat coke as an abusive partner.. keep telling himself its over, and the cravings come, and he tells him self its over,, you treat my kids like shit! Go away..

I know it sounds bull shit, but it helps..

Is he having it through the week?

[laura86]

Sorry, for the late reply, nearly 3 weeks later we are in a different position. The anger towards my husband has gone (well most of the time) my husband is attending Cocaine Anonymous 3 times a week and seems to be finally taking his addiction seriously. We are still not living together, and won’t be for a long time yet. But finally he seems to realised that he has an addiction, getting help for his addiction and sticking with the help. Unfortunately the trust still isn’t there, but both of us know that, it will take a long time to build up again. I am trying to be positive with him and encouraging his achievements, he is on day 18 now. The only thing that I am scared about is relapse. I know that this is more than likely going to happen and I have to mentally prepare myself, for when and if that happens. Can I mentally go through all this again (I know I’m being selfish) maybe I should just concentrate on the here and now. Not what the future could hold. Has anyone else had experience with relapse. How has everyone dealt with it?

[icarus-trust]

Hi Laura,

So glad to read that things are improving for you and your husband and that he is now realising that he needs help.

You don’t sound at all selfish but very positive and strong. Its’s so hard what you are going through and if you felt you needed a bit of help for yourself please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with the impact of a family member’s addiction. Talking with one of our experienced people might help you to find a way forward.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

Hoping that this is useful. All the best to you.

[Author]

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