[janette132]

I have started a new relationship about 6 months ago, only to find out that he is a prescription drug user or even more that I don’t know about, it’s mainly all coming to light recently with his behaviour and being around him more, he is not working at the moment and I’m working full time he often ask me for money which I tend to give him and I running him around places he need to go. He has massive withdrawal symptoms so I’ve even took him to his drug supplier and waited in the car why he did what he needed to do. But these are the things you do when u actually fall in love with someone.

Think today 28/2/19 is the final straw when he received his dole money and I went to work and when I called home for my lunch he has gone and disappeared so I guess I won’t see him now until his dole money runs out and comes back saying his sorry and he wants help and asks me not to give up on him and starts with the guilt up on me !!!

Because this is a fairly new relationship for me and I don’t know how to cope with his behaviours and I’ve not told anybody about his addiction I have nobody to talk too x

[louise1974]

I’ll talk to you, don’t think you’re alone because there are so many people in our situation it’s horrible I know, but you need support and talking about it helps. My advice is talk about stuff. It does help. I love an addict and I’ve drove him to pick up his fix too and it makes me feel ashamed and like I’m encouraging his addiction but he’s so persistent and persuasive I give in in the end but I know it’s the wrong thing to do deep down. I’m sorry you feel alone it’s a lonely and horrible feeling but message me anytime you want to x Lou x

[janette132]

Thank you Louise for your reply, I really appreciate it and it very frustrating having nobody to talk to about things, my partner did end up coming home and saying he was sorry and he gonna sort things out, but I feel he is full of false promises and I always end up forgiving him until it all happens again ….

Janette x

[hox]

Mine was fourteen years in when my husband chose to have cocaine problem. I fell for my husband straight away so even if it was six months in I’d still be as heartbroken as I am today.

We can only help when they admit they have an addiction and help themselves by putting their whole heart into getting off the drugs. But we are easily lied to and can be manipulated by those we love and care for. It’s on tap in our neck of the woods.

You are definitely not alone and here’s the place you can write what you feel and be understood.

Keep safe and well.

[janette132]

I’m so greatful for sites like this because I feel so alone with my partners addiction and none of our family and friends know about things, so I don’t have anybody to talk to about his fanatic behaviours .

I got a call from him yesterday at work saying there is a woman at the door saying I’m having an affair with her husband, I couldn’t believe that he would do that to me while I’m trying to earn a living and a roof over our head ….

????

[hox]

Most of my family and friends know nothing of our situation. It’s lonely.

The call he made to you at work you didn’t deserve trying to keep you both afloat. Do you think he’s diverting onto you. The drama of you supposedly having an affair will make you think about this and not his drug taking and spending all his dole. They can lie and manipulate.

[janette132]

Well today post ;

Found him using drugs in the bathroom last night, telling me he was sorry and he going to get clean, I went out to work this morning and I nipped home on my lunch and he nowhere to be seen, when I get home from work at 8 tonight after doing a 12 hour shift, I know he will ring me asking me to pick him up from his drug den, don’t know weather I can keep this up with him ….

I can’t concentrate at work with constantly worrying about him !!!!!! ????

[hox]

You need to look after yourself.

It’s not easy giving it up and it will be a long haul. But he really has to want to stop and not lie to you just to keep a roof over his head whilst you are providing his creature comforts. You work hard and you can’t risk your job constantly worrying about him. I’m the same I constantly worry at work, luckily I have an understanding boss and have worked there a long time.

Looking back now I have picked up my husband after his all night drinking and coke sessions. This is at the weekend though when I don’t work but it’s still the same I have run around after him.

[codeinephosphaddict]

Read my recent post and give it to him (if it’s relevant). I’ve never done this before. Don’t hate him and don’t leave him. He needs you now more than ever.

[dfh]

Hi, I’m in exactly the same boat. I have someone who is addicted to crack cocaine and was addicted to heroin. Can’t say they got clean from heroin as it keeps resurfacing. I have stood by for 14 years. Nothing has changed,maybe only the lies or that they don’t go off for days on end. They are unreliable with money and dont have any responsibility. I left once but that didnt help. Cant twll you to stay or leave but know that it will and does become part of your life if you do stay. You become addicted to the chaos if that makes sense, addicted to helping them. It’s hard and horrible but make sure you look after you. Have you a friend you can confide in?

[janette132]

Thank you for your reply x I do have a friend I talk too but all they say is to leave him and I could do mikes better, which doesn’t help me at all x

[dfh]

Yea I know that feeling well. I have a really good friend who listens and gives me sound advice but I know she wouldn’t judge my decision to stand by him.

I hate everything about this situation. How can it mean so much to them that they risk everything?

You absolutely need to look after yourself x

[janette132]

Well since I have been spending more time with my partner his addiction has come more to light, he told me he was addicted to codine but he got a heroine addiction, he got £500 pound from his dole money on a Friday and by the Monday he was asking me to lend him money….

I have chosen to stick by him but I’ve told him if he doesn’t stop using he gonna lose me and he on his own x

[georgia26]

you telling him if he doesnt stop he will lose you wont make him stop – believe me i have been there.

[louise1974]

Hi there Jeanette I hope you’re bearing up, my friends have also told me to run for the hills but your right it doesn’t help, when you’re in love with an addict it’s hard to walk away, because you’re scared of the consequences for yourself and your partner but the truth is if you stay it might not get better but you hold on to the fact it might, and the person you fell in love with will come back – it’s tough and there’s no easy option, you need to do what’s best for you, no one else, and keep strong- lou

[georgia26]

Janette132.. the sad sad truth is that drug addiction is so complicated, it becomes before everything. If i was 6 months in and found out about my BFs addiction i wouldve run a mile.

All i would say is, dont be naive, understand that youll never be able to force him to get help, he really needs to want it.

Addiction is a disease and it must be so hard for them to give up and stop – i can see that people tell you to leave him but with my experiences and the hell i have been put through first hand – my advice would be absolutely walk away now, you will have this for years to come.

Trust goes, you will live a life of anxiety and let downs.

good luck with it all whatever you decide to do, i hope he seeks help asap.

[janette132]

Well he going the doctors on the 14 March about his addiction and to see what they can offer, I’ve told him he needs to stop this addiction or I’m walking because, 1, I’m not use to being around drug addicts and I don’t know anything about drugs, 2, I’m working full time and I seem to be giving you money for your addiction which I can’t really afford, 3, he not working and living in my house without any money from you at all.

4, your using in my house which I hate.

He got til Thursday to make a change or even see to make a change or it’s over …..

He has gave me his bank card which his dole money goes in and told me too have it when it goes in the bank but we will see …..

I’ll keep this updated to see if there is anything positive changes x

Thanks for listening x

[louise1974]

Please do, you need support for your situation and it’s hard to find, but don’t feel like your on your own because you’re not there are many of us in the same situation, Georgia on here has much more experience of the situation than me and she has helped me- she told me to leave my ex and tbh it was for the best, it’s tough but worth it as my situation was just getting worse he’s promised everything but no actions have backed it up and tough love was needed- you’ll see that with your partner in the end but it takes a while and a lot of heartache to get there, he might come good but the odds are not great- keep strong and take care. Lou x

[georgia26]

Louise – how are you doing? how did things turn out in the end?

The sad thing is, I read through these and really feel for you all – they need more support groups for people living with addicts etc as its so impossible to understand and I have felt so lost and confused at times – as most of the people are that have just realised their loved one has an addiction.

I thought me screaming and shouting and threatening to walk would stop the cocaine use, but the sad truth is, he can have the strongest possible love for you but that will come first and its devastating. In the end you realise this too.

My mum said to me walk and told me time and time again – this will happen again and it did and i learnt the hard way.

Janette as you said yourself you know nothing about drugs – so you probably wont realise now but it might be worth reading up on addiction and stuff and go through some of these forums and peoples experiences.

I am glad he has gone to the doctors to seek help – the thing is, you need to stop giving him money – as itll be for drugs.

I wish there was a miracle cure, honestly I do.. i have watched hours and hours of youtube videos on this and i still dont get it, its so sad.

Let us know how you get on in the next couple of weeks but all I will say Janette is that addicts lie and manipulate to feed their addiciton, he will start an argument for nothing so he can go out and use – so bare that in mind, it absolutely comes before anything and everything, kids, marriages etc – dont be fooled and dont be naive. This is from personal experience, dont do what i did.. you want to believe it and its hard, stay strong and remove yourself from the situation and come on here for advice, get some drug testing kits from Amazon and test him.

xxx

[janette132]

Well quick update …

We are at the doctors together to get this drug issue sorted out for our relationship x he got shouted in and then last minute asked me to wait outside x

Anyway ….

it’s all now or never coz if he doesn’t seriously do this we are definitely over and he knows this x

Soooo let’s see x my fingers and toes are crossed ???? x

[janette132]

Well he came out of the doctors and told me the doctor told him he couldn’t help ….

which I know is a lie .

So we didn’t speak for the rest of the day and he didn’t use coz he stayed in the same room ask me,

This morning he is cold turkey and it’s breaking my heart to see , so wish me luck for the rest of today coz I guess he not gonna stick around, I keeping to my promise and not gonna give in and give him money for his drugs so I’m gonna have a day from hell x

????????????

[georgia26]

The doctors can help – he couldnt have been honest with the GP then.

Google local addiction meetings and CA meetings.

Stay strong do not give him money – he really needs other support as well though i cant see him doing this alone if hes getting ‘cold turkey’ symptoms he must be in pretty deep, let us know how it goes.

bless your heart – really feel for you. xx

[janette132]

Thankyou Georgia for your support, I’ll keep you updated, I seriously don’t think I’m gonna handle all this with him but he told me if I don’t stick around he would be a lot worse and he can’t do this alone x

He wont seek any other help x

[janette132]

Omg I’ve come out and left him in bed cold turkey and come to seek some help myself from my nearest drug group, he will go mad if he knew where I am but I can’t handle all this alone and I can’t just leave him to get help alone ….

I hope I’m doing the right thing !!!!

At the moment I’m sat in the cafe thinking is this good thing I’m doing, my hands are shaking thinking I’m about to disclose his drug addict x

I’m on the verge of crying and I’m not even in to see anybody yet x

[georgia26]

He really needs to be the one to go to these groups – he needs to get help, this early into your relationship it should be healthy and happy.

I know the feeling its the absolute worst thing, the thing is, you leaving him so early on, day 1 of his withdrawal i think he may relapse, I would personally be there at home with him but if you feel youre needing help i am not sure what to suggest.

His mental health is going to be pretty bad at the min, so he’ll need all the support he can get. I am shocked hes not got any help from the doctors if i am honest.

let us know what happens xx

[janette132]

Well he is at my place and he lives about 30 miles away and he has no money and I have is bank card which is 0 balance anyway x so I was thinking he can’t go anywhere anyway x

[janette132]

Well it’s bin 29 hours since he last used x

Omg he in my arms like a baby ….

I’ve cried and I’ve got not tears left x but he is holding in here x god help me what tomorrow will bring x fingers crossed he holds out x I do love him so much x god give me strength x please I need your help

[janette132]

Well it’s day two of him being drug free 72 hours and what a night !!!!!

He is proper rattling this morning but he still got his mind set that he doing this ….

Well fingers crossed that he keeps it up x I’m working a night shift tonight so I’m hoping he sleeps while I’m in work x x

[icarus-trust]

Hi Janette,

I’m sorry to read your post and can understand how difficult things are for you with your partner’s drug habit. It is a lonely place to be especially if you can’t talk to your family.

This site is great as you can speak to others on line who are in the same boat.

If you would like some more support for yourself, the charity I work for would be able to offer you help. We are called The Icarus Trust and, if you contact us, you could be assigned to one of our trained and experienced people. They would understand what you are dealing with and provide you with support as well as letting you know what other help there might be local to you.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that you get some support and things work out for you.

[georgia26]

How are you Janette? whats the latest x

[janette132]

Goodmorning Georgia

Well he not used since Thursday!!!!!

Bin a rollercoaster but looking positive up too now but don’t wanna jinx anything coz it’s still early days x

But I told him if he still using and I ever find out any different, we are over so he told me he can’t afford to lose me x x

[georgia26]

Thats good news. I bet, I know the feeling. Its hell.

This week will probably be so hard for him – keep his access to cash, like bank cards etc so he cant buy it behind your back.

The thing is, you saying that to him wont make no difference, I was naive and thought the threats would deter him from using, but the sad truth is the addiction is just too strong and no matter what is on the line whether it be wife/gf/kids/job/house that comes before – its confusing and sad to think of it that way but its the truth.

People can also ‘tick’ drugs these days, so he wont need money to get hold of it. I would buy some drug testing kits from amazon then youll know if hes been using or not.

Its all just a living nightmare isnt it? atleast youve found out now and not 10 yrs down the line like some people on this site.

Stay positive though – dont be naive, stay strong.

I wish him well, really i do, it is a disease after all – he didnt choose to be an addict but he does need to stop now before it spirals.

Have a good monday love xx

[janette132]

Thanks Georgia for all your kind and positive words to me it means a lot honest it really does x

Well he is 47 years old and has absolutely nothing because of drugs in his life and now met me, who is a working class woman with my own house and car and to be truthful he would be stupid not to even try to give them up and I’ve he would go back using he knows he would be on the streets or in some Druggies den and have nothing but drugs in his life because everybody would really disown him x

Plus he has no job and now I’ve took his bank card so he has no access to any money only by asking me.

Sometimes I ask god to myself why do I deserve all this in my live when all I wanted was to met a good guy and have a nice life !!!!

Anyway x fingers crossed things will get better from now on x I’ll keep you updated x I’m still smiling dispite the rough rite x thanks again x

[dadict]

Hi Janette,

What drugs is he withdrawing from ? What day is he on now ? I myself am currently withdrawing from codeine I’m on day 10 clean and starting to feel better I have my wife who is a rock just like yourself, cold turkey is very dangerous especially if he is coming off heroin but if he’s a good few days in now he’s probably over the worst of the physical stuff it will be the mental side now, the depression etc as his brain isn’t able to produce the happy chemicals that the drugs made it do and won’t be able to for a while yet, trust me I know I’m at this stage now. Hope he and you are doing okay and keep us posted and I’ll offer any advice I can

[janette132]

Hi x

Well he is only on day 5 and he was a heroin user and Tramadol, wow it’s painful to type them out loud but a relief too x yesterday and today he looks and sounds really miserable but I try and keep him positive and what a difference he looks even only on day 5.

When we use to go out or even to town together he use be pumping with sweat even if it was freezing outside to the point it was rolling down his face it was so embarrassing coz you could see people looking x but today we went out and not a bit of sweat appeared, yey…..

and I have pointed that out to him too x

Just pray that he has the will power to stay off the devastating drug x

[dadict]

Wow he’s done great to get on day 5. All he and you have to think is it always gets better and then there will be a point where he feels better than before he started using ! He’ll also be healthier and look better basically everything is a plus. You’ve done really well to stick by him well done

[janette132]

Any other woman would of run a million miles away honestly specially when we’ve only bin together 8 months x

But I have fell in love with him and I have to be cruel to be kind x I did tell him that I’ve never bin around people using drugs before and I can’t handle seeing him destroying his life and at 47 he never gonna get anywhere in life only he be dead if he carried on the way he was using x

Now he found me and someone that truely loves the bones of him, it was now or never really x x

Plus the 5 days he not bin using has been hell x from him hallucinating to him throwing up everywhere and crying like a baby but ….. I’m sticking by him and I’m not giving up on him but I’ve told him I’m not prepared to go though this again with him once and once only x

[dadict]

Hey Janette how’s it going ?

[janette132]

Evening x

Well to my amazement everything going well….

He still not used and I’m so proved of him coz I can’t even imagine how hard it must be cold turkey on his own without any help apart from me.

He told me today that he has never had an ultimatum before and being 47 and bin a regular drug user that he truely fell in love and wanting me was far better option then me using drugs.

I told him today that one of his drug friends tried to contact me though Facebook to get to him and he told me to block him coz I’m done with all my drug friends, I don’t want anything to do with them anymore …..

I’m so happy at the moment, I just don’t want the bubble to burst x

[georgia26]

Hey

how are thing? good I hope?

G x

[Author]

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