[sadwifelife]

My husband acts like he is 12. I don’t feel like a wife. He doesn’t want to work or do anything to help our marriage. He wants to get high, play video games, and play music. He hasn’t had a full time job in over 6 yrs. I feel like I cant leave him because hes going to end up homeless or dead if I do. I am just looking for others to talk to in a similar situation. I feel so alone and sad. I need someone to talk to.

[jem]

There are so many stories like this on here, you are definitely not alone. Its very hard watching someone sitting there playing games all day. My son has a heroin problem and that is all he has done for the last few years. I am staying with him for a few days each week at the moment, and its frustrating to see his chances of a good life slipping away, he hasn’t really worked properly for a few years, just the odd short-term contract here and there. He had a brilliant job,earned good money and now its all gone, and he’s been on UC for the last few years. He now has a willing doctor who signs him off for 3 months at a time without really questioning what he is doing to help himself. I don’t think they do anything until life becomes really uncomfortable, its very hard to watch. My son blames everyone else for his situation, and has become very selfish.

All of this would be very hard to deal with in a marriage. My own experience has made me think that I would never put up with this from a partner but I know that things aren’t that straightforward.

Does he recognise that he has a problem that needs addressing?

I feel for you, its a horrible situation.

[sadwifelife]

I am so sorry for your situation. My husband does understand his addiction but thinks he has it under control. He keeps telling me he is going to quit but can’t go one day without getting high. When he was drinking it was worse. He ended up in jail one night.

[shouldistayorshouldi]

Hi. I can totally relate. I just found this forum because I was so desperate to talk to someone and I know no one in my life wants to hear about it anymore. I’ve been dealing with my partner’s addiction for 10 years. He has grown increasingly worse over that time, to the point where he drives/goes to work intoxicated and is intoxicated when he arrives home. I don’t know how he has managed to do this, other then he has minimal contact with coworkers and has for the past two years due to Covid. I’m really getting to a point where I not only know I should leave, but want to because I’m sick of the roller coaster. He will stay intoxicated for 5 days, apologize and stay sober for a few, wash and repeat…I want off this ride, but can’t right now for financial reasons. I feel like I’m hanging on without a safety harness.

[sadwifelife]

My husband did the same when he was drinking. It was so awful. You know they are lying to you but you are so hopeful. I feel your pain.

[sadwifelife]

Driving while drinking is an awful situation for you. It is so hard to deal with. You just want to give up but you can’t. I feel so bad for you.

[jamesb]

Hi mate, I hope you’re okay. I’m probably not qualified to go too far into this as it’s quite a different issue to what mine was but, that being said, I am a man, who through addiction, neglected my responsibilities as a partner and although I always worked and provided, that was probably because being at work enabled me to continue with my vice.

So… I hope you don’t mind but I’d probably start with a few questions that I hope you don’t mind me asking, to try maybe understand his behaviour.

Firstly, you say he gets high. What would be his poison? The term “getting high” would suggest to me he’s smoking weed but I could be wrong.

The “do anything to help our marriage” part. Suggests you’ve confronted him about his behaviour and made him aware you are unhappy? If so, how does he reply to that and how stern are you when telling him.

I’m sorry to make assumptions so please forgive me if I’m wrong.

He hasn’t worked full time and hasn’t for a while, but he has always had a roof over his head, been fed meals every day, and despite maybe a bit of stick from his Mrs. Still has his life around him (house, kids? Mrs).

Has there been anything significant that happend that you think may have triggered this when it started? As he sounds like a man who has given up on himself and life and is happy with his cycle of gaming, getting high and music because he can get away with it without too much consequence. I’m going to imagine you have held everything together mainly, bills, housework etc and if so, he could think that “well she’s taking care of everything okay” and excuse to himself his lack of input.

It sounds like he is comfortable with how things are and maybe a shock to the system would be helpful. For example, telling him you’re not happy and can’t continue the way it is and make it clear if it doesn’t change you will leave. If it doesn’t change, go stay with someone for a few weeks, have no contact and without you there he will realise everything you do for him and hopefully appreciate you more.

Stay strong and wish you well

James x

[smoke-n-mirrors]

Hi. Sorry, think I accidentally part-posted! I saw your reply and it could have come from me, if only I was in a better place. If you don’t mind, are you clear and out?

[sadwifelife]

You are right. His vice right now is weed. I buy it for him so he doesn’t do anything worse. He has a history of doing so. I tried to leave him but he said he would kill himself. I think he would because he doesn’t take care of himself now and would fall apart if I wasn’t here for him. So what do I do? Let him become homeless and die? I just don’t know.

[ladymorganna]

I am in a very similar situation at the moment and don’t know what to do. Have given him so many chances. It’s so heartbreaking to see the person you spend your life with destroy everything. X

[sadwifelife]

It is so hard. I know what you are going through. They don’t listen to reason.

[icarus-trust]

So sorry to read your post and that you feel so alone dealing with your husband’s addictive behaviour. I’m glad that you can talk to people on this forum If you would like any more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with what you are going through. We have trained and experienced Family Friends and one of them would talk with you if you got in touch.

You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org

All the best.

[sadwifelife]

I am so glad for the replies. Makes me feel like I am not alone. My husband is addicted to what ever can get him that ‘high’ he is chasing. I buy him weed so he doesn’t look for anything else. If he drinks or does any other drugs he ends up hurting someone, himself, or ends up in jail. Weed is still hurting our relationship since it makes him useless but it is the lesser of the evils.

I am in the same situation. I dont think anyone in my family wants to hear anymore about this. Thank you for listening.

[Author]

Posts