[khl]

I have been with my partner nearly six years. At the beginning i knew he drank and smoked weed(never around me) but i never really saw it as a problem cause we didnt live together so my eyes were closed. Then at a wedding were my parents attended, i caught him out doing cocaine. This was heart wrenching as I have a no drugs policy. I had already bended my rules for weed but could not for anything harder. From then on its been a total spiral for the last year and a half. He was telling me that he was saving for a mortage but had actually drank and smoked all of his money. So i moved in after the wedding to see if we could build the trust up again. He agreed to drinking only two nights a week but that lasted for about a month. He kept lying about when he was drinking. I would catch him out and he would deny it telling me I was imagining things. It all came to head again at xmas where he admitted he had a problem because he had 5 grand saved with me helping and then he spent it all again on drink and weed within five months after reassuring me the whole time that he was saving. He went off the drink and weed and went to the doctor. Did not want to go to couselling or aa meetings. This lasted for about a month and a half and now again ive caught him out drinking two weeks ago. Then last night i got home from work, he was clearly stoned and he was telling me he is just tired that is why his eyes are so sunken in.. kept denying it. I spoke to him this morning and after awhile he admitted it. I feel so angry cause he continues to lie to me about money and when he drinks. I have put so much into this relationship and I love him dearly but for some reason I can not find the strenght to walk away as I know it is affecting me and i am slowly drowning in this. . I dont know how to fix this. I know its down to him to change but my outlook is so bleak right now and struggle to remain positive.

[danman83]

Hiya khl.. im 36 now but from 14 to 18 or 19 i was having weed litrally everyday. In the end i hated the stuff. It ruined me progressing in school. But ive done good now.

I guess he has to want to stop. I did a calender and ticked each day off i hadnt used and took up the gym and running. That helped me a lot then. With the drinking ive never been a big drinker. I guess he really does need to go to an AA meeting.. its ok for him to say ill have it twice a week, but if he is an alcoholic thats just not going to work.

Try and persuade him to go to a meeting.

[gabbyf]

Not to be a pessimist or place my own experience on you but they’re selfish people that find a way to push us away and make us feel extremely isolated.

You need to find help for yourself and the strength to do what’s best for you. Easier said than done but if he doesn’t want to help himself, you’ll never convince him to.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

I’m so sorry to read your post. I know that it’s really hard to cope with your partner’s addiction and I can see how it is affecting you. You’re right it is up to him to want to change but it sounds like you could do with some support for yourself.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We provide support for people going through what you are, and have trained and very experienced people who understand the things you are dealing with. If you would like to be put in touch with one of our people that you could talk with, please get in touch. May be it would help you to find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

All the best to you.

[Author]

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