[Janie13]

My adult daughter in her late 20s is taking cocaine. Drinks all the time and takes tablets too.

She lives over a 5 hour drove away so I do not get there very much.

I went to visit 3 weeks ago for 2 nights in just these 2 might I was so crushed at what I saw,the whole of my stay She was in the toilet or disappeared ,saw her draw a load of money out,she said she owed someone it .

Out till gone 4 in morning,I snuck Down stairs and saw her ,she tried to cover her nose,a whole loo roll goes in a night from her blowing her nose, and she always putting sudo cream up it ,

She has a 12 year old son who had learning difficulties who is getting more and effective by her now

But he is so protected of her.i didn’t recognise my grandson this time at all,she let’s him drink monster drinks all day.

She was being watched very closely by social and already on a PLO ,I have tried and tried for years for her to let me care for my grandson and asked her time and time to come and live with me,but she doesn’t want to and just won’t give her son up.

She won’t admit she gas a problem, social did drugs tests ,but with all the hair bleaching got rid of a lot of the drugs.

Social has failed my grandson so many times .I phoned them when I left 3 weeks ago with my concerns. Yhey won’t let me know what is going on ,and my daughter has not contacted in 3 weeks last contact was her saying she goingvto kill herself, my grandson won’t answer his phone.

I feel so crushed so so alone so guilty asca mum I gave failed my daughter and only grandson for just trying to do right .

[Princess]

It is so difficult. I feel the same about my son. He is at home and I am doing everything I can to help him stop taking drugs. He is 26. There is just the two of us. Like you I feel such a failure as a mum. I can’t imagine how much your heart is broken having not only your daughter but a grandson who is in a bad way as well. I don’t think people understand how difficult it is for mothers to see their children in such a state. I wish I could offer some hope but I don’t have any.

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

 

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[Janie13]

Thanks for replying, just you talking to me in the same position is such a help.

My daughter keeps saying I have ruined her and my grandson life, because when I saw her last I could not believe what I saw,how can I as a parent and grandmother sit back and do nothing and now I have lost them,I don’t even know where she living ,because she got kicked out the temporary accommodation she was in

I will still be there to take my grandson even thou he hates me ,because it’s looks like they going to start court proceedings.

I worked in drug rehabilitation for 8 years ,so I know a fair bit about addiction, and the people who came to us where in the cutter ,most had lost everything, my daughter blames everyone else but herself  cocaine is a evil drug,which destroys the brain, and many will go on to heroine from cocaine.

So I keep telling myself she is ill and the drugs have destroyed her ,but it also destroying the whole family.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Like you are feel such a failer as a mother .dies your son admit he has a problem.</p>

[Bayderertu]

I grateful for your consideration.

[witsend23]

Hi! I was drawn to your post and can certainly empathise with your situation.  I just wanted to say that there is light at the end if the tunnel.  My daughter is now 41 and has been clean and sober for 8 years after many years of substance misuse. My granddaughter lived through this trauma for the first 15 years of her life and that breaks my heart, but like your grandson she stood by her mother who alienated me when I contacted social services through concern about her lifestyle and the effect it was having on my granddaughter. To cut a long story short, my daughter hit rock bottom when she was once again evicted from her  property and I borrowed the money to send her to residential rehab in the South East. My granddaughter went to live with her father and eventually I would get to have her stay with me at weekends where we started to rebuild our relationship. My daughter was away for 12 months in total and she has never looked back. She often says to me that a bad day today is 100 times better than a good day as an addict, she works in the homeless sector helping vulnerable people many with substance misuse issues., My granddaughter is now in her 3rd year at university (a miracle considering the amount of schooling she missed out on because of her mother’s substance misuse) I really couldn’t be more proud of both of them, and the money I borrowed to send my daughter to rehab was the best money I’ve ever spent! I know it’s hard to be in the situation that you are currently in but don’t give up on your daughter, and I really hope that you too will have a positive outcome. Stay strong.

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[Author]

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