[alixe09]

Evening all,

I never knew this sort of thing existed until now. I’m very nervous about posting but I guess we are all in a similar boat.

Myself and husband have been together 11 years. We are 30 so have spent most of our adult like together, we also have a 2 year old son.

Like most of the other wives have said here, my husband was wonderful before cocaine got hold of him. We moved house and he joined the local darts team, the pub he plays in was full of cocaine. Everyone was/is on it.

He’s always lied about it, hidden it etc, but he’s an awful liar.

A few weeks ago I found out he’d been taking it again (he only ever takes it on a Tuesday) but he’d also been messaging other people (men and women) Now this is what I find bizarre, he isn’t gay or bisexual and I’ve already said, if he is then I will support him fully.

Since we separated he has started counselling and has got himself a life coach. We spoke properly for the first time last night and he said

“When you’re on that stuff you quite literally do not care about anyone or anything” you do the weirdest and unexplainable things that you’d never do if you were in your right mind”

I don’t know if that is true, I don’t drink and I don’t take drugs so I wouldn’t know?

I’d really like to talk to someone who takes/has taken/ recovering (sorry for the wording but I don’t know what to say)

I’m really lost, but although we aren’t together I still want to support him.

[jamesb]

Hi mate, I hope you’re okay. I couldn’t not reply to this because Its so close to home.

I guess I fit your criteria, I’m a recovering cocaine addict, I’m 30 also, and I have a 14 month old daughter.

I’ll keep it short as its late but hopefully we can talk some more.

Cocaine addiction is probably one of the worst things that can ever happen to a human being and furthermore its the worst thing that can ever exist in a relationship.

There is so much I could say right now but as I say it’s late so I’ll keep it short.

When you’re addicted to cocaine it’s like you are 2 people.

The 1st being the real you, the person who loves, who cares, who would do anything for the people you love. Often cocaine addicts will be able to hold on to “normal” life for a long time, pay bills, go to work, hide it from their partner to an extent.

Then there’s the 2nd part of you, and this part is trying to grow and take over all the time.

It highjacks your brain, it makes you say and do things that the sober you would never dream of.

I love my (ex) partner more than life itself but somehow I still repeatedly lied to her. I’d lie about money, where I was, what I was doing, anything I had to so I could get on it and the saddest part of it all is that even when I was off my face, I wanted nothing more than to live a honest simple life without the hurt and pain that comes with addiction but I couldn’t stop for years.

I promise you that deep down he loves you. I promise you that his addiction is not in any way something he does to hurt you.

I hope that he genuinely wants to get clean and is ready to commit himself to a life of recovery because the people who are affected most by addiction are the people who are close to an addict.

Please feel free to click on my name and read all my previous posts they may help and ask me anything you want to know and I’ll do my best to help you understand.

Stay strong

Dan x

[mpj80821]

Hey @Jamesb. I read many of your posts and would like to chat with you. My cocaine problem was recently discovered by wife and unfortunately I think that was the only way that I was going to stop and move to sobriety. I using probably biweekly to weekly on and off for the last 5 years. But it had picked up more frequently the last 2 years since covid. I am highly functional, we got married, bought a house and got a dog all in the last year and half. We both have great jobs and are financially stable. I just got addicted and could not resist the urge to have a stash and use when wanted. This has lead to more drinking and the urge to drink which lead to fights but I still never admitted to using cocaine. Now I am committed to sobriety and need to win back her trust as I hope she stays with me and supports me and realizes that I couldn’t will myself to stop this on my own. Even my closest friends weren’t aware. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[mammyessex]

Hi would you mind if I asked you for some perspective on my situation ? Been with my husband since we were both 17 we are now 39 , 2 young children , He works away and end of august last year we had a mild argument and he said he wouldn’t come home as he needed to clear his head and there was things I had no idea about , he just refused to open up to me , come October he said he wanted a divorce as we could never be back to how we were I’ve since found out he owes a substantial amount to cocaine dealers and is addicted himself he’s lost all his money he looks drastic like a shell of himself he still won’t open up says I should move on as he’s never coming home , I’ve got ptsd through it all I’m struggling with the house and children as he gives me no money I work part time I’m now facing homelessness he just can’t see how he has caused any of this I’ve told him I would help him but he just ignores me I’m at a loss ????

[alixe09]

Hi Dan,

Thank you for replying to my message. I’m really grateful.

I will click on your name now and read some of your posts, I’ll send you another message later if that’s ok? Don’t want to bombard you with a load of questions if you’ve already posted the answers.

Alixe

X

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thanks for posting. I hope that you have found this forum really helpful but if you would like more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers help to people who are dealing with addiction in their family and we offer a service called Family Friends. These are trained and experienced people you could talk with if you get in touch which might help you to feel less lost.

You can reach us on contact@icarustrust.org

All the best.

[Author]

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