[clare57]

Hi All. I have come on here as nobody really understands how this feels. I have a great partner and best friend but they just really don’t ‘get it’. My brother is a severe alcoholic. He is 34 years old and has been drinking since his late teenage years to help with his severe lack of confidence. He thought it helped because it made him more confident when really, he was still that sad lonely person inside. One of my brothers had a brain tumour which caused years of heart ache and pain in the family. 6 years after being diagnosed he passed away. This tore our family apart. This only made him worse and he ending losing his job, his driving license and most importantly his girlfriend. He suffers with childhood trauma and blames my parents for this. My parents love him so much and have tried countless times to help him even if admittedly they may have got it wrong in the past.

Around 2 and half years ago, my brother was on deaths door. He FINALLY admitted to needing help and ended up in rehab doing the 12 step process. We felt like there was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. Unfortunately, after just over the 1 year dry mark, he relapsed. We managed to get him back into rehab for a short while and he was dry again. However, we keep telling him until he gets help from a mental health professional, he will always resort to alcohol. Sadly, this became true again and he has relapsed once again. He is extremely suicidal and thinks he is absolutely worthless and feels there is no point at all him being here. He is also prone to getting really angry and shuts absolutely everyone he cares for out of his life. He later regrets this and says he doesn’t know why he done it only for it to happen again very soon. I can’t sleep at night because i am so stressed and its effecting everything in my personal life. All i have ever wanted in life is for my family to be happy but its one hurdle after another. And after his 3rd time relapsing i truly dont think there is anything else we can do.We have tried everything. It is beyond heartbreaking. I feel like it is inevitable that i am going to lose yet another brother. And i dont think my other brother will cope if he passes away as he is very fragile.

I know this is no place for judgement so i know this is something that i can say on here but after so so many years, as guilty as it makes me feel, i sometimes think ‘i wonder if it would be better if the inevitable happens’? I love him so much but i truly just dont know how to stop his pain anymore.

Thank you for this safe place to be able to air this. I am glad i’ve come across this forum.

[anon2000]

hi. i truly feel your pain and emphasise totally, honestly. my brother is only 21 and he is the same as your brother but with drugs not alcohol. he’s been on section 3 times and within days he is released because the NHS aren’t equipped to deal with people with mental health problems and addiction. its truly heart wrenchingly frustrating that there is NO help unless you have thousands of pounds for private treatment which we are currently trying to arrange now.

[clare57]

Hi Anon.

I completely agree with you! Which to me makes absolutely no sense because they know a lot of people with mental health issues turn to ‘self medication’. They just seem to give up on them when they’re drinking or taking drugs ???? my mom spent a lot of money for him to go back in to rehab last time but he’s relapsed again. Just don’t know what else to do as we have tried everything!

[anon2000]

us too. literally everything. what is left to do? leave our loved ones die?

its so frustrating we are all going through this

[clare57]

Exactly! It makes you feel so helpless and yet so emotionally and mentally drained. But you still can’t sleep no matter how tired you are.

It really is. Society in general needs to be more open to addiction. It’s all about mental health (which I fully support) but then when it goes hand in hand with addiction, it’s a subject nobody wants to go anywhere near!! And then it just leaves everyone to suffer????

[anon2000]

my brother only started taking drugs as a way to get rid of his PTSD symptoms, because he sees rapist in front of him and sometimes he has seizures and when he wakes up he thinks family members are the abusers. its so traumatic. i wouldn’t want to live one minute in my brothers head. he is looking for an outlet to help ease the pain which is drugs because of how much the mental health service is failing him 🙁

[clare57]

I totally agree with you. I wouldn’t want a single second in his head. He always say we don’t understand etc and truthfully, of course we don’t. We are however, understanding and we will do and have done anything it takes! He has now switched again and is really really scaring me because he said he feelings like killing everybody who looks at him. I’m worried I wake up in the morning and the wrong side has took hold of him and he does something he will regret?

[anon2000]

This is bizarre because the way you explain ‘switched’ is what my brother does too, and also my brother is saying he’s fantasising about killing people when he is switching and then keeps screaming crying saying no I didn’t say that no I didn’t I don’t know who I am etc it’s so distressing because he is the kindest, sensitive person you could ever know. I honestly think he’s got some sort of borderline personality disorder or some sort of personality disorder, whether it’s from drugs chemically altering his brain or not I’m not sure. But it is very strange for them to say these things when that is not them at all? It’s almost like a demon is taking over them and I’m not superstitious or religious or anything but that’s how it feels

[itsjustme]

I had lost my brother to drugs a few years ago. He battled for years and then fought it every day and stayed clean. I watched as my parents gave up everything to try and save him. He had a relapse and took too much he died. He was my big brother, my only sibling. I had my days, which were many when I was so angry with him and had the same thoughts, started building myself to be strong for the inevitable. All of that anger didn’t matter. I thought the same thing at one point maybe he would be at peace. His loss traumatized in a way I can not describe. I am truly damaged. It’s been 7 years and I still hold the pain of him being gone every single day. I know he is at peace instead of fighting and struggling every single day. He left me alone no matter how I look at it. Now I suffer everyday with a husband who is an addict and I know I can’t save him. I am going to lose him too.

[clare57]

It’s just me. I am truly sorry. There is no words that can describe a sibling loss is there. People seem to think you can gradually get over it. I once had someone actually say I should be getting over it by now around 3/4 years after my brother passed away. I said god forbid you ever ever have to go through the same. Only then would they realise!

I feel so guilty for thinking that and then I soon change my mind. It’s not what I want at all but sometimes the way he speaks and acts it’s like he’s so emotionally traumatised, he’s beyond repair!

[anon2000]

its just me i am so so so so sorry, i am crying my eyes out reading your post as i cant imagine that pain. i feel as if i am grieving my brother who is still alive, because the way he is now doesn’t feel like he’s living.

[anon2000]

He was still saying this when he wasn’t under the influence of drugs and said I need to be put somewhere away from everywhere so I can keep everyone safe I love my family this isn’t me please ???????? I can’t believe a doctor can listen to that and just be like yeah ok bye. Wtf

[clare57]

Mines the same! He’s actually really caring and he’s so gentle but he puts on this huge front and when it’s mixed with the alcohol, it gets scary because the front just takes over. It’s getting so so worrying now because just like yours, he’s saying that he’s seeing people down the street and he just wants to kill them. I’m actually so so worried now that he will cause harm to someone else when he’s like this. Because when he goes back to his normal self, it would break him to realise he’s harmed somebody. He has sent essays on WhatsApp blaming most of his problems on my parents and it has absolutely broken them. I am still trying to keep it all together for the sake of my family but it’s really killing me seeing them in pain.

I really wish there was something we could do to change the way they approach people with addiction because their lives matter too!!!

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