[anon2000]

hi. i truly feel your pain and emphasise totally, honestly. my brother is only 21 and he is the same as your brother but with drugs not alcohol. he’s been on section 3 times and within days he is released because the NHS aren’t equipped to deal with people with mental health problems and addiction. its truly heart wrenchingly frustrating that there is NO help unless you have thousands of pounds for private treatment which we are currently trying to arrange now.

[clare57]

Hi Anon.

I completely agree with you! Which to me makes absolutely no sense because they know a lot of people with mental health issues turn to ‘self medication’. They just seem to give up on them when they’re drinking or taking drugs ???? my mom spent a lot of money for him to go back in to rehab last time but he’s relapsed again. Just don’t know what else to do as we have tried everything!

[anon2000]

us too. literally everything. what is left to do? leave our loved ones die?

its so frustrating we are all going through this

[clare57]

Exactly! It makes you feel so helpless and yet so emotionally and mentally drained. But you still can’t sleep no matter how tired you are.

It really is. Society in general needs to be more open to addiction. It’s all about mental health (which I fully support) but then when it goes hand in hand with addiction, it’s a subject nobody wants to go anywhere near!! And then it just leaves everyone to suffer????

[anon2000]

my brother only started taking drugs as a way to get rid of his PTSD symptoms, because he sees rapist in front of him and sometimes he has seizures and when he wakes up he thinks family members are the abusers. its so traumatic. i wouldn’t want to live one minute in my brothers head. he is looking for an outlet to help ease the pain which is drugs because of how much the mental health service is failing him 🙁

[clare57]

I totally agree with you. I wouldn’t want a single second in his head. He always say we don’t understand etc and truthfully, of course we don’t. We are however, understanding and we will do and have done anything it takes! He has now switched again and is really really scaring me because he said he feelings like killing everybody who looks at him. I’m worried I wake up in the morning and the wrong side has took hold of him and he does something he will regret?

[anon2000]

This is bizarre because the way you explain ‘switched’ is what my brother does too, and also my brother is saying he’s fantasising about killing people when he is switching and then keeps screaming crying saying no I didn’t say that no I didn’t I don’t know who I am etc it’s so distressing because he is the kindest, sensitive person you could ever know. I honestly think he’s got some sort of borderline personality disorder or some sort of personality disorder, whether it’s from drugs chemically altering his brain or not I’m not sure. But it is very strange for them to say these things when that is not them at all? It’s almost like a demon is taking over them and I’m not superstitious or religious or anything but that’s how it feels

[itsjustme]

I had lost my brother to drugs a few years ago. He battled for years and then fought it every day and stayed clean. I watched as my parents gave up everything to try and save him. He had a relapse and took too much he died. He was my big brother, my only sibling. I had my days, which were many when I was so angry with him and had the same thoughts, started building myself to be strong for the inevitable. All of that anger didn’t matter. I thought the same thing at one point maybe he would be at peace. His loss traumatized in a way I can not describe. I am truly damaged. It’s been 7 years and I still hold the pain of him being gone every single day. I know he is at peace instead of fighting and struggling every single day. He left me alone no matter how I look at it. Now I suffer everyday with a husband who is an addict and I know I can’t save him. I am going to lose him too.

[clare57]

It’s just me. I am truly sorry. There is no words that can describe a sibling loss is there. People seem to think you can gradually get over it. I once had someone actually say I should be getting over it by now around 3/4 years after my brother passed away. I said god forbid you ever ever have to go through the same. Only then would they realise!

I feel so guilty for thinking that and then I soon change my mind. It’s not what I want at all but sometimes the way he speaks and acts it’s like he’s so emotionally traumatised, he’s beyond repair!

[anon2000]

its just me i am so so so so sorry, i am crying my eyes out reading your post as i cant imagine that pain. i feel as if i am grieving my brother who is still alive, because the way he is now doesn’t feel like he’s living.

[anon2000]

He was still saying this when he wasn’t under the influence of drugs and said I need to be put somewhere away from everywhere so I can keep everyone safe I love my family this isn’t me please ???????? I can’t believe a doctor can listen to that and just be like yeah ok bye. Wtf

[clare57]

Mines the same! He’s actually really caring and he’s so gentle but he puts on this huge front and when it’s mixed with the alcohol, it gets scary because the front just takes over. It’s getting so so worrying now because just like yours, he’s saying that he’s seeing people down the street and he just wants to kill them. I’m actually so so worried now that he will cause harm to someone else when he’s like this. Because when he goes back to his normal self, it would break him to realise he’s harmed somebody. He has sent essays on WhatsApp blaming most of his problems on my parents and it has absolutely broken them. I am still trying to keep it all together for the sake of my family but it’s really killing me seeing them in pain.

I really wish there was something we could do to change the way they approach people with addiction because their lives matter too!!!

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