[stephenb212]

Hi

Brief history, my bf and I have been together for 9 months, we don’t live together. He has always enjoyed a drink but past weeks it’s gotten much worse. He’s had seizures and thrown the odd drunk punch at me. (I’m a guy so it’s not as bad as it’s sounds and this was one time only)

Last night was the final straw when we had guests due over but he was comatose before they even arrived, two bottles of wine had gone down. I finished it as kindly as I could but he’s in bits saying he will change and pleading etc. I know I’m hurting him by ending it and I do love him and vice versa.

My question is what can I do to help him? We’ve talked about it loads and he always agrees to cut down but it never happens.

My idea was to suggest I could control exactly what he drinks in my place as it’s my home but I know he will drink elsewhere. I’m tired of hearing stories about him in different pubs, tired of watching him slur and fall over and trying to focus. He’s truly lovely sober. Any advice would be great. Do I end it for good or try to help? If the latter what can I actually do?

[joemily]

Hi, I’m not sure there is anything you can actually do unless he is willing to accept he has a problem unfortunately. And even then it will be very difficult. If he accepts he has a problem (and he needs to say it not just agree with you because it’s what you want to hear) then there is plenty of support out there for him. You are really strong to end things, I am in a similar situation but I live with my boyfriend and almost feel trapped. I do love him and want to stay with him but life is very very difficult. Stay strong x

[stephenb212]

Thank you for the reply and good advice. Yes it needs to come from him, I’m hoping me ending it is the wake up call

[georgia26]

and sorry to sound negative – you ending it wont change a thing, addiciton is a lot stronger than you think, its a disease, you threatening wont do nothing. People put drink and drugs before kids, work, marriages. Its hard to accept but believe me, there is no controlling an addict, they will use no matter what is on the line and youll end up the one thats hurt.. xxx

[joemily]

It may well be and well done for doing that, you’re a lot stronger than me. I hope it works out for you but if you need support feel free to drop me a message anytime! It’s a difficult thing to talk to friends and family about so these forums are very helpful

[icarus-trust]

Hi Stephen,

If you would like some support for yourself please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people affected by a partner’s addictions.

If you think it would help to talk with one of our experienced trained people, please get in touch.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[georgia26]

im sorry but there is absolutely nothing you can do if he really doesnt want to quit. He will say he does but actions speak louder and he probably doesnt want to that much.

My suggestion based on my experience, would be to walk away – this will be your whole life, a continuous cycle. Wish i had walked when i found out, as its hell but i am in too deep now. xx

[stephenb212]

Hi all and thanks for all the replies. They are all much appreciated.

Bit of an update : he said he will do anything to save us so he’s already seen a doctor, has started a course of tablets and has been referred to a psychotherapist.

Baby steps I know and time will tell but this is effort and action in my eyes so we are dating once a week to see how things go as he progresses medically.

I know things could go horribly wrong so I am still very very wary

[icarus-trust]

Good luck to you.

I hope all goes well.

[Author]

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