[so1234]

I just found out my husband of four years has started using cocaine, He confessed yesterday on Valentines because I have been seeing a lot of our money from the bank disappearing and I always wondered and I asked but he would never answer he would say he owes money to some people and that he would pay them back, or that he owed money on tools and he would pay them back. Unfortunately yesterday I had enough of it and I got the truth out of him, now my husband is an alcoholic I already knew that but he swore to me he just started using Coke for about four months now and I don’t know how to help him I don’t know what to do, he is very sweet and loving but it’s getting to him it’s getting to his head he is slowly changing. At first I thought it was depression and anxiety which I’m sure contributes to everything, he even admits that he does have depression and anxiety as he just lost his father before we got married, he told me that’s when he started heavy drinking, he swears he’s not an addict it’s been four months now and going back on my bank registry he has at least Wasted about 3400 that I know of, well that I have proof of so I’m sure it could be more. He confessed that he does in about 1 to 2 times a week. I asked him why did he start it, His words were “I just wanted to try it out and see what the hype was about it” and now I feel like he can’t stop it. I think he’s telling me the truth regarding the four months now because I have noticed for these past four months changes even nosebleeds, doesn’t wanna get up from bed, he doesn’t want to shower, It looks like he stays sick but I’m sure it’s the cocaine. It started when he started losing jobs and now he hardly works.. he remodels houses. So lately he hasn’t been having any jobs of his own and he’s been stressing out about that, I think that’s when it all started. And honestly I have no idea what to do now, I literally am so devastated. What do you think? do you think he’s addicted do you think there’s a possibility he will ever stop? Is there still hope?

[danman83]

Hiya, hope you are OK? I’m 7 weeks clean now from coke, I’ve been using for 11 years. The last 5 I’ve been doing my best to quit.

1st off he is definitely an addict, he’s using 2 to 3 times a week for 4 month. He will be addicted already. Although if he is telling the truth it being 4 month only, it should be easier to quit.

One of the main triggers for cocaine is alcohol so he needs to quit alcohol as well. If I have 1 can of beer I’m on the phone to my dealer. This is for most coke users. If you don’t know what triggers are, this can be walking past a corner shop where you met a dealer and it just makes you want to get coke. We have loads of triggers so it’s about cutting these triggers out.

If he wants to stop coke. He needs to delete all dealers numbers, friends and family who use. I deleted face book and other social media. You can still message dealers on there.

One of the main side effects and problems with coke is when it’s wearing off u start to feel depressed and suicidal. This can last for days! Then u get more. Its a big vicious circle. This is one of the reasons if not main reason I want to quit. The minute my bag is empty I have to get another and depression kicks in right there. Its horrible, and it is a disease. Some people disagree with this but it’s true.

You say he’s an alcoholic as well. So I guess this is gonna be really hard for him. If he wants to quit he needs to start changing his routine around, eat healthy, take up some hobbies, I’ve took up reading and I listen to recovery stories. I have took up meditation, believe me this helps so much. Do an itinerary plan for each day for task to do. It keeps you busy and from over thinking.

I started CA meetings when I last relapsed 7 week ago. And I have a sponsor. They are all on zoom and help me so much and I wouldn’t of got this far with out it. Would he do these?

Tell him don’t let the god thing put him off you can believe in what higher power you want. I pray everyday now and meditate. Its more better than blowing your money I guess. Feel free to ask me anything

[so1234]

Thank you so much, I really do appreciate it. Since I’m not a user, I honestly don’t know how to help him. I don’t know what triggers him. I don’t know what goes on in his head or how he’s feeling. This does help, thank you

[danman83]

It’s OK. It’s a lot to take in if you have never done it yourself. But this stuff does ruin family’s not just the user. I’d sit down with him and have a good talk, if he wants to quit do some sort of plan of action. But the main thing is, he needs to want to quit for himself. Not just because you want him to, an addict has to do it for them self’s. Then it becomes easier to quit.

[icarus-trust]

So sorry to read your post about your husband’s cocaine use. If you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust we should be able to offer you some support. We are a charity that supports families around addicts and we have experienced trained people you could talk with. This might help you to make sense of what is happening. If you get in touch i can put you in touch with one of our Family friends who will listen and tell you what other support is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[Author]

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