[losthay39]

I’ve been with my partner 3 years. When we met I knew he was a cocaine user and he would have weekend long sessions with his brother.

He convinced me that the alcohol and drug consumption was all due the fact that his last relationship of 10 years ended and he lost custody of his 9 year old son. He told me his ex wouldn’t let him see his son only because she was ‘evil’.

I felt like this was an understandable reason for the weekly binges. After a short amount of time it went from weekend drug and alcohol Binges, to using during the week. He would literally have a day or 2 of normality and then 2/3 day sessions. At the time he didn’t work.

It started to annoy me that he was letting this addiction of both cocaine and alcohol, ruin his life.

He made a lot of promises that ‘this weekend we will go away together.’ Or ‘I’ll take you for dinner tomorrow night’ and on the odd occasion this would happen but more often then not he would end up on a session.

Eventually him and his brother (who would visit every weekend for a session) ended up having a fall out, his brother decided the addiction had got the better of him and got help. He has been sober now for a year.

Because of this my partner started to calm down, a session that would last 3 days was only a 1 night session, and although he cut down the drugs, he started to drink more alcohol.

He managed to get a job with a family friend and would have a day or 2 off EVERY week because of having a session. They allowed it for a while as they knew of his habit but eventually started to tell him he needed to sort himself out. He did for a few weeks and then one evening we had an argument about his drinking and drug use. It got a bit out of hand, we ended up physically fighting. The next day, although he was still drunk, he ended up going to work and buying wine and drinking it, then having a fight with someone at work, when he was given the sack. His excuse was that he needed to drink because of our arguing and was stressed and upset.

Having no job lead to a lot of drinking and drug use and ultimately a lot of arguments.shamefully I would enable the use as I would lend him money as I was made to feel it was partly my fault that he lost the job.

Eventually he got a second chance at the job he was at. When a few months later again we had an argument (nothing as big as the last time) he did the same thing, got drunk at work, tried to drive a company vehicle, ended up in a fight with the bosses son who came to get the vehicle off him. He lost the job and they told he had no more chances with them

In the last 4 weeks he has drastically cut down his drug use. He said he realised how bad it was messing with his head and how he felt ill for days after. However his alcohol use got worse.

He feels like he doesn’t have a problem because now, he goes to work every day (a new job that he got through a friend), but then after work he goes to the pub, usually doesn’t come home until 7pm and when he does he has to bring home 3 bottles of strong cider or a bottle of wine.

When he drinks without the drugs he gets very aggravated, and at the drop of a hat will be verbally abusive, call me names, he has thrown stuff at me broken my belongings, and I am ashamed to say that I began to lash out at him. I would push, hit, pull his hair and then he would tell me the next day that I went too far, that he was shocked I would do what I did and how he didn’t want to be with me if I was going to be like that and that if I didn’t like his drinking I should go in another room or stay at a friends house.

My friends and family live over an hour away, it’s not really somewhere I can go at the drop of a hat. Some weekends I would go to stay with family but I started to get anxiety about leaving him, worrying that he would bring women to the house or sleep with someone.

I’ve become very codependent. I admit that, and I hate that I love him as much as I do.

A few weeks ago we went for a weekend away, during the week he told me he wanted the weekend to be nice for us and that he wouldn’t drink, we planned things to do and places we would eat. I was so excited.

On the morning of us going he realised that the JoshuaVsUsyk fight was showing and said that he wouldn’t mind watching it in a pub while we was there, I simply said ‘I’d rather not’ and with this he started an argument about how he never said he was going to drink while watching the fight but now that I had started he would.

This argument went on for an hour while I told him he was being out of order for starting an argument over nothing and him telling me, if I didn’t have an attitude it wouldn’t have happened.

I needed up being made to apologise so we could get on our way.

We got to the destination and while walking around he started with ‘I’m

Just going to have 1 drink’ this turned into the usual session. I did my best to keep my calm as I was somewhere far from home and didn’t want to be in a massive argument. We ended up back at the place we were staying with him walking around spitting on the floor, shouting and screaming at me and punching and head butting wardrobes and walls. (Luckily no damage was done as it was an air bnb type accommodation)

Whether it was right or wrong I filmed him during this episode as I felt if anything was damaged and the police were called I had evidence of him doing it. I feel terrible for thinking that way but it was that and to show him the way he behaved, because I knew he would black out and not remember it

After that weekend he apologised, he said he realised he was wrong, he should never have put me in that situation so far from home and that he knew he had a problem and realised he needed to deal with the things going on in his head.

I thought this was a break through, the first week was fine, things were great with us.

The second week, he started to come

Home late from work again, telling me he was working or had to go somewhere with his boss. However I happened to drive past the pub one evening and saw his van parked there.

As much as I wanted to call him and ask him why he had lied, I just went home and thought to myself ‘he always tells me if I get on at him about his drinking it makes him do it more’ so I never said a thing, for 4 weeks I would get up and go to the bedroom when he was drinking. I wouldn’t call him when he wasn’t home on time, I did what he had asked me to do and still he was drinking EVERY night.

It got me really down.

A few days ago, he did his usual disappearing act, I’d had a phone call from my nan saying she was really ill (we lost my grandad a year ago) and I was upset about it as she lives a fair drive away and I couldn’t be there for her.

I called him and got upset on the phone because he would rather be drinking then being with me.

He came home and for some reason I lost the plot. I shouted, I screamed, I tried to turn over furniture, he told me

I was scaring him and he needed to go

To the shop for a few drinks, then he left me for 4 hours. I tried to call, he wouldn’t answer, I drove around the local pubs, he wasn’t there. He had hidden his van down a side road and gone to his mates house.

He eventually called me to pick him up at 2am then when I arrived he told me I was a nutter and a psycho for keep phoning him after the way I had acted. When we got home I was SO angry, I told him he was wrong for doing this to me when I needed him. I wanted to make him feel the way he was making me feel.

Again I lost all control, I lashed out, I spat at him I hit him in the chest, I ripped the tshirt he was wearing. I know I’m in the wrong for doing that. I take full responsibility for my actions, it should never have happened, but I felt for 4 weeks of keeping my mouth shut and still putting up with the verbal abuse it was like a pressure pot boiling up and the going missing for 4 hours was the last straw.

The next day he spent the day drinking, didn’t go to work. But when I got home although he was drunk, he was kind, we ordered Indian takeaway, we watched tv together. He told me how he wanted someone to hold him and show him love. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Normally I would have hugged him and told him everything would be fine, but I couldn’t. I eventually took myself to bed and sometime in the night he came

In and went to sleep.

The morning after this we woke up to the alarm as usual and neither of us said a word to each other. We got ready, he left for work and that was it for a few hours, when I got a text message to say he was ‘done with me’ that he wasn’t going to be hit and spat at and have his T-shirts ripped all because he went for a drink after work.

All because he went for a drink after work?!?!?!

That’s all he thinks this is about. Not the CONTINUOUS drinking after work EVERY night, or the verbal abuse I get when he drinks, I’m just a nut case because I don’t like him drinking and going to that extreme is uncalled for.

I packed my stuff when I got home from work (as much of it as I could) and left to stay with my Nan.

I just hope that this makes him realise his issues, but I think he is so much of a narcissist that he truly feels like he is the victim and he doesn’t have a problem.

I’d love to go back to him, because the good times, without drink and drugs were really good, but I think the addiction is too far gone now and he now has the excuse to keep doing it because of what I did and the fact I left.

I just feel lost and confused.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

[Author]

Posts