[steveec]

I am in a bad situation and can’t get out of it. I leave work every night and drink half a bottle of vodka and 6 beers as well as a gram of cocaine. I have been doing this for more than 3 years now. I have been to docs and to counselling and it just doesn’t help me. Weekends I do double that. I am so scared I will never be able to stop.

[danman83]

You can stop mate, just believe in yourself. I have a coke problem and im lapsing once a month.

But personally i think you need sort your drinking out then the coke should follow but i could be wrong. Have you not tried a AA meeting?

[danman83]

Do you live on your own mate?

[elaine24]

Struggling too…. Alcohol then comes the gear….

[danman83]

How much u having casey?

[elaine24]

1 gram… 3 bottles of wine

[elaine24]

I hate it

[danman83]

Are u living on your own..im lapsing once a month on coke. But im doing my best not to have it. I cant stand it anymore.

[elaine24]

No… I have a partner but I hide it from him. I’ve got half left and wine and trying my hardest not to finish it all.

[danman83]

So are you like this everynight?

[elaine24]

No but I want to just self destruct…

[danman83]

Why though? Its not good drinking and coke. If you want to self destruct and your drinking.. drinking is a depressent and will make you a lot worse.. drinking and coke makes another drug in the body.. i forgot what its called now, and thats not good.

Do you want to stop both then? What have you tried to stop?

[elaine24]

I’ve got a counselling apt on the 10th sep… Laying here thinking if i come clean to my partner how will he react.

Do you feel like this?

[danman83]

My gf has had it with me and knows my problem so its not too bad. What he like anyway regarding drugs? Has he took them?

[elaine24]

Yeah he does them.. But can stop and stop drinking. I search for it if I know he’s hid it….

[elaine24]

Mate I sound like a proper looser

[danman83]

Sometimes its best to come clean. I did with my mum, and she helps abit. But thats up to you. Maybe he could support you better.

Plus its great what you are doing admitting you have a problem. It gets a lot easier, and if you lapse just get back on track, dont beat yourself up. Take up some new hobbies to keep you occupied. You basically need to change your whole routine around with positive things and hobbies.

[elaine24]

I’m scared he will hate me.

I don’t know how to have a hobbie without drink or drugs.

How do you start?

[danman83]

Has he done drugs?

Dont think im being nosey here.. im just trying to get a better understanding and to help you…

So how long have you been drinking and doing coke for then? How much are you doing? Are you working? Does he not see you drinking everynight?

[elaine24]

Yeah he has…

I work full time… As soon as I have a drink I want a line.

I’ve done gear for over 15 years….

I now need to stop. But it’s just so hard.

He sees me drink and hates it. He is a great bf but wouldn’t know where to start with me.

How do you do it with your gf?

[elaine24]

As in how did you break the news to your gf and what does she do to help?

[danman83]

My gf just sort of new.. ive broke down acouple of times coming down off coke wanting to kill myself to her. Its not good at all the comedown. She dnt do much really. Sometime shes will take my phone off me. I think you need sort your drinking out 1st. Tell him… he needs to take any alcohol off you or in the house from now on and poor it away.

[danman83]

But just being supportive helps

[elaine24]

The comedown is shit…. I’m so scared to tell him.

I have wine and gear left and left it outside so its kind of away from me and I’m so tempted to flush it

But that inner demon is there

[elaine24]

So true… Thank you

[danman83]

Have u told him? Or are u not bothering?

[elaine24]

I’m telling him tonight when he gets home. He knows I done some last night as he asked me on the phone this morning.

But I am going to be completely clear and honest with him.

[elaine24]

I’ve been down the beach today and ate food and drank water…. I’ve had a swim. It cleared my head a lot

[danman83]

Beach? Were u live?

To be honest, its best being totally honest with him with everything. Thats my opinion anyway.. but dont be blaming me if it goes tits up lol..

But seriously tho.. it is… because it gets it off your chest. He will know what he is dealing with and how to support you.

Have you said out to any family members?.

[danman83]

Do you know what helps me and it keeps my mind off it and it does work.

Try and have some earphones on you all the time and listen to cocaine recovery stories on you tube.

Download the app castbox .. theres loads of podcast.. and search the alan charles show… hes an american who was addicted to coke for 24 year. He was really bad and has some stories to tell and hes 11 years clean now. He has about 70 1 hour episodes on so far. He has various ex addicts on aswell. And he tells some of his stories and how he quit. You can hear his story on you tube aswell.

Russell brand is good aswell he had a bad addiction.

There was on woman i was listening to and she had a horrible story, to why she was addicted to crack.. her dad sexual abused her and her mum new, so she said her mum sent her to her grandparents to get her away from her dad, she didnt want to leave her husband, and the woman said.. were her dad had stopped, her grandad had took over. This lead her to crack to blank things out. What a horrible childhood. But she got clean and is telling her story. There is always someone worse, and im telling you this because you can do it! Just believe in yourself.

But everytime you feel bored or need do something listen to these stories, even when washing up.. i do.. or tidying up. You get so enticed in there stories it distracts you.

[danman83]

But since ive found that castbox. I listen to others to keep me occupied.. i love karl pilkington and ricky gervais so im listening to them now and watching them on podcast.

[elaine24]

Wow!! What a great thing to do and something I would never have thought of doing you know.

Yes you are right there are worse people out there and that’s so sad isn’t it. I was lucky in childhood and just lost my path a little bit you know.

I have really appreciated your messages.

You’ve got a great heart and you def helped me this morning x

[danman83]

Im the same i had a good upbringing. Nice house. Holiday abroad every year. I had great times with my mates a teenager.

And i was on weed till 19, and i basically messed up in school, and i regret it to this day. Im in a good job now but like my teacher always said.. 1 bad apple always spreads. So i regret hangin with some of my mates now.

This weekend get to the pound shop or something, get a calander a big notepad, and right loads of things to do and stick them on your fridge and tick each day off clean and say gym done today..

You will lapse, its apart of recovery. It makes us stronger. Just dont beat your self up, and get back on track!. Dont listen to yourself when your brain is saying.. its not working this… this is you just making excuses to use. Rise above it.

[danman83]

What beach was you at?

[elaine24]

Southend…..

Just thrown the rest of the gear down the sink ????????

[danman83]

Good on you!. I bought a safe and only my gf knows the pin.. she use lock my phone in it each weekend so i wouldnt ring anyone lol.

Im not that bad now though.

What job you got?

[elaine24]

That’s a great idea!!! Might get one of them myself!

I work as a Pa up in London, you?

[danman83]

Pa? I work in the bank in manchester.

[danman83]

Got u… personal assistant lol.

[elaine24]

Oh right OK…. Have always wanted to visit Manchester.

Lol! Always stressed with people being annoying!

[danman83]

Theres a lot to do. So you doing out tonight then?

[elaine24]

Nope I’m home chilling, drinking water and waiting for the bf to come home to chat with him.

You?

[danman83]

Just watching the new xmen lol

[elaine24]

Nice!

I hadn’t eaten in two days, and now my body is just wanting to eat everything!!

[danman83]

Really 2 days? Get a big fat takeaway lol

[elaine24]

Yeah I got a gram Wednesday and then yesterday….

So I’ve had tapas for lunch, beans and cheese on toast and a bowl of pasta!

[elaine24]

I could well eat a Chinese now lol!!!

[danman83]

You have made me hungry! And now im in kfc getting a 14 piece bucket haha..

[elaine24]

Oh my god I totally forgot about KFC!! Send me some of that too with gravy lol

[danman83]

Haha dont be daft lol its like my last rolo lol

[elaine24]

Booooooooo

[danman83]

Haaaaa im in bed now stuffed haha. I had 5 pieces to myself ???????????? u got out planned at the weekend?

[elaine24]

Lol!

Only 5!

Im taking my daughter out into London tomorrow and then Sunday im with my friend and her son.

So I just need to try and stay focused.

How about you?

[danman83]

Got to do some decorating.. ???????? do you live in london then? Ive never been lol

How olds your daughter? Mines 8 and a pain in the ass haha.

[elaine24]

Oh nice! What are you decorating?

Essex is where I live, so not far to get into london.

Mine is 8 too! And she is a moo! Lol

[danman83]

The stairs and landing. I keep putting it off lol but im starting tommorow. Its hard to get into it because i do a night shift sun to thur.

Whats a moo? Lol

[danman83]

Ahhhh cow? Lol

[elaine24]

Sounds good! And will be good once you start seeing it all new etc.

Lol! Yeah her nickname is moo, but in a nice way. She’s lovely!

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