[candiedsandies]

I need help. I had a wonderful relationship with a person I had been friends with for years. We decided to started dating a had the best relationship I had had for 4 months. Partner told me they had quit drinking for 180 days, but that they “weren’t an alcoholic; I just decided it was bad for my mental health”. Although we had been friends for years, I never questioned when they missed events, birthdays, etc. I had had experience with people who were every day drinkers, but never with a binge drinker. Long story short, partner relapsed and went on a 5 day binge. Texted me some weird stuff, so I went to their house. What followed was one of the most deeply traumatic experiences of my life. In the aftermath, I asked my therapist what to tell them- she said that they needed a sponsor. After the relapse, I spoke to them and said, “Hey- if you want to date, you need to get a sponsor. I can’t monitor you”. This person looked me dead in the face and said, “I’m so glad you’re my girlfriend – you can keep me sober“. I was shocked by how wrong and awful what they were saying to me was. What followed was a nightmare. What I didn’t know was that this person was already deeply codependent on their parents. When I asked them how their day was going, instead of being cute or fun or saying normal relationship stuff, they’d say “I feel the depression coming on”, or “I’m pretty pissed off today” or “I took half a Klonopin and I’m determined to have a good day”. Some days, they’d send me a text saying they were headed to see a friend, send me a photo to prove where they were, and then a text that they got home. Every day, they would dump all of their problems onto me. All I ever heard was that they were depressed, tired, and that they were “productive” that day. I couldn’t even ask how they slept or how their day was going without it becoming related somehow to their addiction. They’d randomly text me saying “I did a meditation to bring down my anxiety” or “I’m at the gym right now” or “I did a meditation and I feel a lot more stable now”. Every time they came to my house for a date, I’d dread it because they’d start telling me about something deeply traumatic, like I was their therapist or sponsor. I finally broke the relationship off because I felt they were using me as both an emotional dumping grounds, and as someone who always knew where they were in case they relapsed, which I knew was unhealthy for both of us. EVERYTHING they said to me on a daily basis was recovery-related. Now I’m trying to recover. I can’t go about my day to day work without thinking of something traumatic and upsetting they said to me. Am I the only person that an addict treated as if I were their sobriety partner instead of a romantic partner? I’m so upset and grossed out by the whole experience, and I just want someone to talk to. If there’s anyone who had an experience like this, please help. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone who understands.

[Author]

Posts