[char2020]

Hi everyone… just looking for some help or advise. I’m with my partner for nearly 5 years now but around a year into our relationship he started smoking heroin. It’s been an absolute nightmare since. He is on the methadone Programme but keeps relapsing. He is walking all over me and I am definitely enabling him. When he relapses we fight for a while but then he gets around me and things go back to normal until he relapses again. I’ve had enough now but I just can’t walk away… I want too… I want a normal life away from the lies and deceit and most importantly the drug. Any advise would be greatly welcome.

Thanks

[icarus-trust]

I’m so sorry to read your post about how your partner’s heroin addiction affects you. I know how tough that is and how easy it can be to enable.

You may find it useful to contact us at The Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people, like yourself, having to deal with a partner’s addiction. If you contact us, I could put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are our very experienced and trained volunteers. Talking with one of them might help you to make some decisions and find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[crystalvision]

I’m kind of in the same boat as you, although I’m not anymore as I made the decision to walk away. Sorry you’re going through this.

My boyfriend/ex’s drug of choice was cocaine but I guess all addicts behave in a similar way. The constant lies and let downs were getting me down, I think there was some abusiveness as well. I found myself changing as a person because I was always feeling defensive, always upset by him choosing drugs over me, so that affected the way I related to him. It was becoming too toxic.

It was very hard but I just realised I could not continue in the relationship if he did not get help.

I think you should tell him how you feel but he probably won’t listen if he’s anything like mine. The drugs change their brains and I think they lose the ability to empathise.

It sounds like the time has come for you to walk away too. It might even shock him into changing his life, although that’s not very likely. Walking away is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and him. As enabling is not helpful to him either.

You only get one life, think of yourself and don’t waste more time on someone who is making you unhappy and unwilling to change.

Not sure what else to say, I am still feeling lost and confused myself. Good luck with things.

[Author]

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