Yet again i cave in and give him money , he says it,s for food , or money for the electric , he lies , he intimidates , he threatens sucicide , he calls me horrible names and tells me i am a bad mother he makes me feel guilty , and hopeless untill i give in yet again and then i hate myself for been so weak , i need to be strong but i struggle , he is my son and i love him , but i hate what heroin has done to him , i am losing him .