[jensonf]

Hi. Just joined. I have reached a point where I know I can’t do this alone. Ive tried and tried and tried again and I’m tired! Tired of feeling like this tired of destroying everything tired of trying to pick myself up and go again. This has to be it or I know it ends in two ways for me, in a grave or in prison. My story with cocaine and heavy gambling started about 12 years ago. I’m 34. Ive wasted so much time…. destroyed my prime. I was one of those people who would never touch a drug before I began. Never even smoked. The very first time I did cocaine was when me and my then new girlfriend wanted to do something different one weekend so she suggested getting high. I thought why not might if that is what she wants to do and to impress her I did. Biggest mistake of my life!!!!! From that moment I wanted to do even more. But then one night when she went to bed I was using on my own and decided to watch some porn on the computer and play poker online. That’s when it all changed to another level of use for me. The porn was like nothing I had ever watched high on cocaine it was like I was interacting with the ladies myself and whilst playing poker I felt unstoppable like I could read and win big money because I had no fear. I could go on and on! So as time progressed my girlfriend see who is now mother of my three children who left me two years ago because she could no longer put up with me staying up maybe every 2/3 weeks losing aload of our money and suffering a major come down because I was on cocaine go through the same repeat motions! I became controlling. Always the same story I won’t do it again I need help blah blah blah!! But I didn’t stop. Even know I wanted to I couldn’t I found myself just repeating the same thing. Lying. Pretending everything is fine. Fast forward to age of 32 when she left with my children. She moved to the other side of the country and I followed a few months later because I love my kids so much and I couldn’t bear not be with them. Even know all this cocaine use and gambling was going on I did everything I could for my children and every time i messed up I would cry myself to sleep because I knew I had let them down. So I thought let’s get my head together once and for all once I followed and lived apart from them. Things went well for a while 6months or so but for chatting with a fella in the gym who said he had been on the cocaine night before and that’s when alarm bells went off and I got number for the local dealer! Again huge mistake. Cut a long story short I’m back in same routine of cocaine porn gambling. I’m with my new girlfriend of nearly two years and now she has seen through my cracks. Two nights ago I blew all my wages and did cocaine and it was only week and half ago I did the same. I’m a mess. God knows why my girlfriend is still with me. She has already noticed the pattern. The pattern I need to get out of desperately. So I’m here to hopefully get some help. Thanks for reading.

[username]

Hi Jenson,

I’m new here too. I tried cocaine for the first time Christmas ’17 and for just over a year me and my partner seem to have been doing it all the time, massive 12 hour benders where we wax through so much and then just keep doing it in the morning. We were smoking a lot of weed as well. I was like you, I never touched the stuff through my teens as I’m epileptic and was scared of what might happen. I’ve managed to stop, the turning point for me was managing to say no repeatedly and sit there whilst they racked up and still not have one. The strength I felt for doing that was great. The night before last my partner went on a cocaine binge and started raging at me. He was very emotionally abusive and wouldn’t leave me alone. I ended up throwing his coke in the loo and he scooped it out (very trainspotting..). He regrets everything now. He doesn’t remember anything from that night and because he went on a bender till the next morning yesterday he was horrible to me as well. I dont know how to tell him it’s the coke and I’m scared to ask him to stop as I dont want to be controlling but maybe he needs to hear it. It started of social and he only did it with a friend who has ot all the time but now hes buying it all the time and doing it on his own. He still ask me if I wants some even though he knows I’m done with it which isn’t very supportive. We have an amazing relationship but it all changes when that drugs get involved..

Quitting coke can be done. It is an evil addictive drug and so easy to say yes to but the best thing is to try and remove yourself from the situation maybe.

Not sure if any of that helps, mostly me venting..

[justynn84]

Remove the contacts as a start I’m going step by step also, we can do this, we are the strongest living creature on this planet.

Eliminate the source to start

Good luck keep me updated ????

[shazza]

Hi

I actually don’t know what to wright on here but I need help desperately too.

I work hard and have children

But five yrs ago me and my partner fell out of love, and I had a affair

It was the most amazing thing buzz ever

I’ve always had a addictive personality and always dabbled behind my partners back and wasa heavy drinker with out anyone really knowing, but the affair was just day in day out sex and cocaine , I lost my job I was depressed and went back to my partner, but secretly done it still ,

With now parted after 15 I’ve gone from huge house money and a life and some one that actually loved me before I fucked it up, too trying to cope in a private renting house and loneliness, even when I’ve done a 15 hr shift I’ll grab it at night , Iam 40 now and just want to be like people in the street , but I try, but not hard enough because being on my own for few hrs I just think it’s ok it’s just one!! Then that turns me anxious as doing it on my own and paranoid so more then booze to calm down Blar Blar you lot all know this,

I miss me I miss my old personality and I have counselling I ve been to groups but I fail every single time x

[mays]

Hi Shazza

CA groups can be good I failed because I wasn’t ready to let go I am starting back up again and looking to fully commit this time as I can’t carry on I am 39 and it’s time to stop for good

You can google CA Meetings in your area try and get a sponsor in the meeting to guide you through

[jensonf]

Thank you for your reply. I know quitting addiction can be done it’s just so hard! I could be doing well and then all of a sudden I’ll be driving along and think I’ve done well surely a little gram won’t hurt even know every time i do cocaine I leave myself in the shit because I gamble every time! Always I won’t do more than a £50 gambling while on cocaine no matter what. Every time fail. I also drink a lot while on it. The thing that really gets me is I have so much to live for I have a beautiful kind girlfriend I have three children who need me. I have a good job that I’m messing up. My urges always get the better of me. I can’t go to the doctors about my cocaine addiction because I don’t want it on my record as I am going through getting access to see me children with my ex. Sometimes I wonder whether my children will be better off without me. I’m not looking for any sympathy I don’t know what I’m looking for. J just can’t carry on like this and even knowing that change is needed I know what I’m like and I’m scared. My girlfriend knows I have a problem with gambling but not cocaine. I believe she will get rid of me if she ever finds out about that. I’m alone apart from having her and I haven’t got strength anymore to carry on alone.

[username]

Your children definitely do need their Dad so always remember that, dont doubt it. My partner has a 2 year old who I adore and I constantly encourage him and remind him how important and special that father – son (or daughter) relationship is. I’ve found that the issue with cocaine is that you feel you’ve done well by not having it for a while and you kind of forget the shitty feeling it leaves you with after, so you almost end up encouraging yourself to do more. That’s definitely what’s happened with me but I think I’m getting there.

You need to change the relationship from a positive one to negative one. See it less as a treat or something you deserve and see it more as something that could potentially destroy everything you love, something that doesn’t love you back that just wants to consume you and take your money as well as your serotonin!

I’m trying to exercise to take my mind off it, but also learn a language through the duolingo app because it’s quite fun and rewarding.

Maybe give a helpline a call. Or do what you are doing now and reply to this thread when you do have those urges and we’ll just chat it out. I’m lucky in the sense I dont have a super addictive personality so kicking it isn’t as hard for me as I can imagine it could be for others. But that is what this forum is for, supporting people through situations like this. The positive thing is you have recognised the issue and know a change needs to be made. That is the best thing that has happened because it will enable you to find that strength to change your relationship with the drug.

Maybe it would be an idea to open up to your girlfriend. If you guys live together and are highly involved in each others lives she could be that immediate support line for you. Whenever you have the urge to get more tell her, collectively as a team find something else to do or enjoy each others company instead. If you dont think you’ll have that reaction and you’re best dealing with it yourself I completely understand. I dont like sharing my problems but its not healthy. Just chat it out through here. Sometimes it’s easier speaking anonymously

[username]

You can definitely do it and you are not alone in this. The beginning is the hardest part but dont let it break you. It may sound cheesy but reaching this low point is sometimes necessary to make the positive changes. Your children do need you, you girlfriend needs you and you need them.

Whenever you need to chat. Reply to this thread and we can work through it.

[jensonf]

Thank you so much for your replys

[danman83]

Aright jenson.. im exactly same as you.. 8 years , every couple of week.. getting 1 g o a friday night.. leading to 2 or 3.

I have 3 kids as well. I have the biggest downers on it, and it sends me suicidal. And i cry my eyes out. I cant think of anything worse. I was even taking it in the house on my own.. anyways 2 years a go. I hit rock bottom. So got councilling sessions and i got it under control abit.

This new years eve was the last straw. I quit for 2 month.. then lapsed.. then 5 week clean then lapsed. Now am back clean again.

Ive studied and learned so much how to quit and it works.. to a certain degree and ill explain what i do.

My main and most peoples triggers to get coke.. is alcohol.. you have to quit that totally! Not even a sip..

Next.. delete every dealer out your phone book! Every mate and family member to do with coke. Delete facebook and all social media!.

Change everything you do, start some new hobbies.. i took up reading, and i do alot more with my kids.. i did anyway, but i do more now. I go metal.detecting now with them.

Just think how many hours you are off your head and downer for 6 -8 hours? And that time can go.to your kids.

Watch some louise clarke on you tube on crack cocaine part 123. Shes great and helps alot with addiction.

Listen to cocaine addiction recovery stories on you tube or castbox. They help a lot.

Theres an app called pocket rehab, download that. Its were addicts help each other.

Avoid places that will trigger coke, places you picked up, places you used.

Oh.. and avoid pubs, partys, bbqs, you might think thats no life. But it has be done.

My gf has stuck by me, god knows why. But i wont have it through the week or every week. But i do feel like wanting it.

I cant stand the stuff mate. Its horrible, the come downs are horrendous, but yet we still go back to.

And to do you best to quit you have to be 100 percent you want to.

Hope this helps. Just ask if u need out mate

[georgia26]

Hope youre all good Dan – i am off to the Dominican tomorrow morning.

xx

[markman86]

Hi, I’m new to this forum as I don’t want to bring my family into my problems as I’m afraid of what will happen. My misses will leave me with my 3 children, and I know my mum and siblings will support me through it but with massive shame obviously and I’m not doing that to them. I earn good money but find myself lying about my income to my partner to hide my spending habits on cocaine tic bill each month, roughly 600 quid on average every four weeks. The lying is terrible and I feel ashamed as I am taking this money away from what my kids could have and we could have together as a family. I have decided I am paying my dealer what I owe next pay day which is four weeks away and I am deleting his number, I am also deleting all friends and so on social media as you have suggested as this is defo a get out of jail free card. The only issue I have is my friends I use with are actually my friends, best friends, friends I have had for life and I am going to explain to them why I cannot be around or in contact with them for a period of a long time until I am completely happy I am not a user anymore and I am reaping the benefits of not using anymore. Is that possible though or do these life long friends need to go forever. They are more casual users, I use tenfold what they do but whenever we are together that is what happens, no matter what day of the week it is. I hope someone here can relate to this and reply. Thanks.

[georgia26]

Hi Mark

you also need to work on the root to this, get some therapy, go to see a doctor – honestly it will help you, as you could be self medicating so get to the root cause of the issue, delete anyone invovled, your dealer/social media. Stop the drinking as its a huge trigger..

[danman83]

Ye i am thanks.. still soba lol take me instead! Haha hope you have a great time! Try and have a drink! Lol x

[khloe88]

Hi Jenson

My boyfriend is exactly the same. He has these episodes where he uses, I catch him, threaten to leave, he stops then reuses again.

Can I ask you a thing about the porn? my bf watches porn for hours when he’s up on it. He says it’s normal as most men who take coke watch porn, he says it goes hand in hand. Ages ago before I knew about the coke I caught him filling in all his details into a milf meet-up site. He said it was a pop up on porn Hub that wouldn’t let you go further until you filled out your details. I actually threw him out as I thought he was looking to cheat. He thought I was hilarious, he said he was wasted and trying to get in to look at the pictures, etc. He didn’t look guilty.

Does being on coke make you horny enough to want to cheat? I’d never think he would, he’s not really ever given me any reason to believe he would. Just that I’ve never taken coke so I’m not sure. It’s just you said that watching porn on it makes you think you’re interacting with the women so it makes me think wow can it really change you that much.

[danman83]

Hi kcloe , and yes it does make you cheat! It makes you horney as anything. Sex is great on it. If you can manage it.

I cheated once on it, and i regreted it. I know a lot that have. Even girls. He more or less was up to summat when you caught him online.

[khloe88]

He thinks I’m being ridiculous as he said he knows them sites aren’t real they are just pop ups. When I asked why he didn’t just click off he said when you’re drunk and coked up you don’t think logically. Tbh I’ve never found anything else like that only normal porn, I can see what he’s been on without him knowing as our google accounts are linked lol.

Just made me think when Jenson said porn is better on coke like nothing he’s known before.

I’ve heard on loads of other sites, that coke doesn’t make you cheat unless you’re the cheating type anyway. He’s got strong morals on infidelity. Well he has when he’s straight.

Does it make you flirty too? He’s not a flirty person either normally, but has been caught out flirting mildly when our relationship was going through a rocky patch, when I threatened to leave him. He said you’re self esteem is rock bottom and it’s all ego boosting.

[danman83]

Listen.. what he says and what he does are two different things.. he might be good when your there.. but i dont know him , so he could be good.

Ye it can make you flirty.. and tbh he shouldnt be watching porn all the time. Ive never really been open up and told my partner i watch porn. I keep that to myself. But i dont watch it religously.lol

[khloe88]

So every time you do coke do you end up watching porn? I’m worried now you’ve said that you don’t religiously, as he’s always said it goes hand in hand with coke.

[danman83]

But i guess the cheating does depend on the person, but all the factors of drinking, coke, feeling horny can lead to cheating.. i just dont want be putting things in your head that he is haha

[khloe88]

Does the coke sober you up? It’s so weird, I never want to try it as I’ve seen the destruction it causes, but I’m so curious as to how much it changes you. I’ve heard that you don’t feel drunk like out of it because the coke sobers you up. My bf said you have ups and downs, like levels. He said you don’t feel one way all the time. He said you have thoughts that come and go too. Depending I suppose on how much you’ve taken and if it’s wearing off and drunk.

How am I supposed to trust him then? I mean off drugs 100% but now I have all these doubts.

[khloe88]

Haha well as I said I have access to his google. That’s the worst bit, I’ll never know. It’s so weird as he’s not an overly sexual person off drugs. I mean I’ve never caught him watching porn unless he’s been off his face.

That’s a bit of a worry, like jenson every time he uses coke he watches porn and gambles, I’ve seen his search history and he flips between the two all night. He only told me when I confronted him.

It was 4 years ago when I caught him filling in his details, but back then I didn’t know he did coke. That’s why I threw him out. I hate that I’m excusing his behaviour because of that drug though. I know he’s got a problem but until he admits it I’m going to be going round in circles forever.

[danman83]

Ive got the same problem, but i soo much want to stop. Ive lapsed twice this year. I hate the stuff. And i am doing every thing i can to stop..

But ive never really got the urge to watch porn while im on it.. i might do you know what to send me sleep lol but thats it.

So what do you want to do with him? Are you staying with him while hes on coke? Are you asking him to quit? Does he have alot of it? In the house?

[khloe88]

He only used in the house whilst we were in bed. I had no idea. He’s never really been one for going out. So that’s odd right away.

Then the more arguments it caused he was going out drinking, staying out til 3 just so he could use coke.

He’s admitted it all now. Only because I’ve threatened to leave so much.

He’s up and down mentally a lot. Sometimes he’ll say he doesn’t want to be with me, if I fight with him over it. He will say he doesn’t know if he loves me. Then if I try to end it properly he’ll cry and beg me not to leave.

I don’t understand any of it. How can he be one way then suddenly another in a matter of days.

He’s even admitted that he thinks if he started over with someone new they wouldn’t know about his cocaine use, where as with me he can’t ever hide it anymore. But says he only thinks like that when he’s on a binge as when he’s come down and sober, he loves me more than anything and wouldn’t ever leave me.

Is this all normal of an addict?

[danman83]

Basically.. coke is leathal, you can drink as much as you want and stay the same level basically.. you wont be staggering like your drunk for instance..

Do you know what dopamine is?

When the coke is wearing off it makes you really, really down and some people suicidal. It makes me feel suicidal. One reason i want to stop, as i have kids. One min your up the next it comes crashing down!

Then you want more. Ive learned so much about it. Its not good at all chloe.

Well.. try and catch him out one night! Lol does he have it in the house? Go bed and sneak down.. see what hes doing lol.and check his history quick haha

[mikeynash22]

Khloe, I can’t see how long ago this post was, but was wondering how things turned out? I hope you’re well! X

[rani123]

I want to chat to you because you sound like my ex husband . I did everything in my power to make him stop taking drugs . You don’t know the effect this has on your other half . Ask me . I hate My ex husband guts for what torture he put me and the kids through. I can never ever forgive him, you need to get help if you want to save this relationship.

[rani123]

Hey I’m new to this forum only joined a day ago but after reading everything I think I should confess to you all that when my ex husband was on a high off cocaine alcohol and weed he would watch porn and talk dirty to me about his fantasy of having sex with me and people we knew . He would regret it the next day when he was sober . He would tell me it was the drugs and drink talking and he would never ever do that in reality and I was the only one for him. Etc etc . I hate his guts now for everything but Iv never caught him cheating or anything like that. Maybe he hid that well from me too. Who cares anyway . The lies put me off him and all the stress he caused me and the kids . We are glad we are well shot of him. His behaviour was totally out of control when he was on drugs and even worse with the come down ,

No wife no mother should have to put up with that and live a life like walking on eggshells.

[adamuk]

Why do u hate him. Did he provide for you. Was he a good dad. I’m in a Similar position. It’s driving me mad but I can’t stop. It’s like illness. You don’t want to be that person but it’s like your 2 people in one. It’s not just easy to stop people use to control depression but it has the opposite effect

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[tans21]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4.5 years on and off. We met online and it took him a long time to come off dating sites. I’ve never done drugs, never interested me at all. It took me a while to work out that cocaine was his choice alongside porn and sending messages to escorts etc. He goes through stages where he stays off it but usually only when he is overseas working. I know all the signs now, staying awake all night, manic behaviour and the porn. We don’t live together. He makes promises all the time that he needs to grow up and stop doing it and then he’s back on it again. I check his history on his computer and we have huge arguments about what he is looking at and interacting with. He doesn’t think he needs to see a counsellor as he thinks he can stop anytime. I ask myself why I am still with him, yes I love him and know he has lots of issues. I keep making excuses saying it’s an addiction. Our sex life has come to a grinding halt from his choice, he says his sex drive has dropped yet he will spend hours and hours on porn. When do I give up?

[georgia26]

i will be completely honest, the time to give up is now! youre wasting your time.. him saying he doesnt need help says it all, youre wasting these years with someone who isnt willing to do anything to improve your relationship.. he wont change unless he wants to, this will continue and itll just get worse.. addicitons spiral out of control unless its managed and even then they relapse, you dont even live together? move on with your life honestly – or he will ruin yours x

[nray2004]

I’ve just joined, I’m embarrassed to say that I have the same problem and have had for the last 22 years. I have a drink then always want more, something else, the addiction for me definitely comes from drink. I work in the city and drink is definitely the culture… and for me, involved in a good network of friends we end up wanting more. I want to stop, it’s affecting me, my family and finances, it’s easier said than done unfortunately as it’s far to easy to get hold of now days, and becoming a natural thing to do. I won’t say about watching porn like some of the previous statements, for me it’s something that keeps me going, sobers me up, but then you get home, realise how much you’ve spent, see your family a sleep in bed then I’m wide awake on ceiling duty… then feel crap the next day… sometimes don’t go to work. It’s a bad addiction, it really is, I want to stop, but personally it stems from drinking… so it’s s double edged sword and think there should be more help out there for all of us. It sure this message makes sense, I’m obviously on it now searching how to stop as I don’t want it anymore! Hopefully we can help each other

[danb]

Hi jenson

Reading you’re post almost brought a tear to my eye

2 reasons because I know what you’re going through and the second being knowing I’m not alone . I’m also 34 and grew up smoking weed as you did as a teenager .around the age of 21 I moved from the south coast to essex to work in a family business ( with the chance of really making something of my self and being financial stable ) this is when I found the worst substance like you cocaine . I also have a girlfreind of 13 years who has to this point out up with me but to be honest I’ve not had anyone to talk to about this . I’m now in the same position as you a grave or something stupid . I earn good money and have always held down my job it’s got to the point where the lies upon lies have no made my life he’ll I’m spending £500/£800 a week. That’s not a typo I’m not proud I’m a compleat mug and hate myself for doing this to me and the people around me esp my girlfreind who has to deal with the bullshit . I’m expecting my first child in January and I’m getting worse I’ve never posted or spoke to anyone about it . I know how you feel you’re not alone maybe it would be good to talk 2 people who don’t know each other u never know may do some good either way I hope we can both get this sorted people don’t understand how hard it is !

Also the porn thing goes hand in hand it’s horrible the thoughts that go through you’re head when ur on that shit yet we lay there at night and promise yourself never again then bang the trigger happens and you’re doing it again oeoole do t understand but we shouldn’t use that as excuse

Get back to me

[robinsonemeka]

What I really hate is that I say I won’t do it again and that I need help.. But I still do it.. Please help!

[sarah12345]

Hello,

I’m not too sure how old this is so don’t know if your still reading but it’s nice to see I’m not completely alone here.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years. I’ve never been so adored by someone and then bam last year like a brick it hit me he has a serious cocaine addiction. Every 2 weeks he’ll go on a 3-4 days bender don’t hear a word from him never replies to any msg phonecall and then the come down hit and I get nothing but sorry msgs begging me back.

I’m literally at breaking point I don’t know why I find it so hard to walk away. We’ve just broke up for almost 2 months due to me finding out he had been messaging girls during cocaine binges he literally begged me saying he never even dreams of msging anyone when he’s off it I just can’t believe this to be honest . I have been in an absolute state over it. I then last week fell really ill as I have no one else in my life guess who happened to turn up at my door? It was then a week of him treating me like a princess begging for my forgiveness and I’m now once again on day two of hearing nothing from him.

I know what everyone says just leave and start fresh I also know this is the best thing to do. I just don’t understand why it is so hard for me and I suffer so dramatically. He has gone to the doctors and has been referred to a drug addiction help clinic but still on binges it actually makes me want to take the stuff just to understand how great it is but I wouldn’t do so. I also suffer with anxiety(any guesses why) so I know that would be the most ridiculous thing I could do. I now have no one to talk to anymore as my sister who was my go to is now not talking to me due to me forgiving him. I don’t blame her to be honest.

Very alone!

[newb]

Hi I’m new to this but here goes … I’m in the same position with drink and coke I tell myself that’s it but the week later and weekend arrives and bang it happens again .. this time I’m more determined to stop after reading I’m not alone in the thought process or it getting me down … cocaine is winning but it always starts with drink so I’m really going to put my all into getting sober and staying sober ..

[being-a-c-4usin]

Have have read all these posts and whilst on it I have cried, I’m fed up with being on it, but just can’t stop, I have done a lot these past 20odd yrs on and off, I’ve even tried to go bk to being a calm pothead and na nuffin but for me I finish it sit ponder to how much of a c**t I have been to people that care n loved me but yet its not a week or so I want more it’s the next day, yes I have a highly addictive personality it took me 6yrs to stop gambling but I have haven’t reli cos I gambling with my life I don’t get the hole porn thing tbh, and no I am single sex doesn’t bother me, well if it gd get it but I’ve now had to go to drastic measures to help myself and go visit my cousin in another country in the middle of frigging nowhere, and try to sweat it out as it were, but I have no one to talk to about this as mates always say its me that’s the instigator (not true by way) but 100 times saying no with the devil on ya shoulder saying one won’t mind is the spiral out of control, it only takes one small admission of thought to do it and u r screwed back the drawing board as it were and as previously read I can’t go to doctors and have it on record, I find the drink does help u want more n more but as I’ve read on ere would seem like people understand wot it doing but don’t realise in the long term wot damage they have done not just to others but themselves, I. E deviated spetums, throat problems, lungs, mental issues(that isn’t just themselves but there partners n kids dads/mothers brother sisters etcr and this is where I am at, at the moment deviated septums ain’t cheap to correct. But to correct ya life now is more imperative than we all realise, well I do but still I can’t stop, wish there someone that could understand where I come from with it all, but deffo c a lot of people in the boat, we all need to help each other in anyway we can but it’s nice to no there others out there feeling the same,.

[danman83]

The truth… get rid of them all. You need non using friends. Its plane and simple, if you dont want to use, cut everything off regarding coke, even family members.

Whats more important, keep your mates and maybe relapse then back to a vicious circle.. or that £600 being spent on your kids. In life we have to make sacrifices and no matter what our kids should always come 1st. I know its hard im struggling myself with coke. Not as much as you, but im still an addict and it upsets me when it can be going on my kids aswell.

Were do you think you will be if your gf and kids left? I know what would happen to me.. id be in a flat… getting wrecked every weekend and lead astray. Im so glad my gf has stood by me.

Your right though, delete everything you have to do with coke

[danman83]

Bit of a bullshit site! Selling crystal meth and extacy and ketemine!!

[georgia26]

you are the worst kind of person…………………!!!!!!!!!!! do one

[dan91]

I had a heavy night again after 2 weeks ago saying never again. Cant get out of bed when im like this just feel full of guilt and shame that im letting my family down. I have deleted social media since reading the previous posts as that is a big trigger of mine seeing people out an about and think im missing out. Alcohol is what I crave sober and cocaine is what I crave drunk and have been spending a lot of money recently. Just sucks that I know ive messed up again and scared I will never beat this.

[danman83]

Just forget bout it now mate and get back on track. Just take up some hobbies or get in the gym. Worrying about it just makes you worse. I cant stand them comedowns thats why im doing my best to quit.

Im off fb and instagram now. Loads of my dealers are on and you see people pretending to be all happy and having fun, and that gets you down aswell.

[wardface]

Hi- I’ve never been in this situation before but I’m stuck, stuck in a rut, I sit and do gram after gran on my own. My boyfriend is angry with me for doing it but I don’t feel like he understands what I’m feeling, work is so pressurised and I need a release, it used to be exercise but nowadays it’s just drink and gear! I’m spending all my money and I feel like a terrible person in every way! I just don’t want to feel alone anymore

[georgia26]

you need to go to the doctors as believe me itll end 1 way for you, go seek help and beg for help, youll only quit when you really want to though and it takes a lot… go to the doctors

[downwardspiral]

I know how you feel it’s the absolute worst. Snorting and gambling is ruining my life and i dont know where to turn

[david2018]

tell me about it, i spent £700 since wednesday not slept or eaten hospital said if i carry on i be dead soon, spending £500 a week sometimes as much as £1000 your thershold grows i rember first time could share a g now i can do 10 g’s over few days no problem.

[mays]

Hi just found this site and registered straight away I also feel the same way and it’s destroying me I want to stop just don’t have the will at the moment.

I have been to CA meetings which were ok but started missing some then I fell back big time.

One thing I know is addicts understand addicts so if anyone has any advice it would be welcomed

Thanks

[shazza]

Hi

Thank you

I’ve had looked before but nothing in my area and I don’t drive. I went to AA meetings pretended it was alcohol more so , it calmed me down a bit then didn’t bother turning up as life just so busy.

I wish I was some one else

I just feel such a mess and failure

And no one knows , I hide it well still wear make up get things done but I ve lost friends due to being paranoid and anxious I just feel so lost and lonely x

[mays]

Hi Shazza

Believe me I have the same thoughts as yourself but we have to try and make a change we don’t want to live like this for the rest of our lives which if we keep using will be shortened

We owe to ourselves to try and change I am realising it’s not gonna change unless I make it so

[shazza]

Hi ya, thank you for your replies,

I’ve gone off sick for a while, and my children’s father will have the children, I’ve booked myself some where away from this town to sort my self out, I don’t know if it’s achievable but I’ve done it, and taking one day as it comes, there is a swimming pool and gym there, I know I am going to feel so ill because of the amount I do and drink, but hoping in five days which I’ve never got to no where near that, will clear my head a bit then be a bit mentally stronger.

I only come on this site yesterday and is so nice to know I am not the only person in the world that just can’t do it!! Even though we try so hard, there is always a excuse isn’t there. But lots of people say it’s got to be the right time and if you want to do it !! Really want to do it then you have more of a chance,

My house is being sold and split and I am terrified I will use it for that, well I know I would, so I really need to believe in my self, which I’ve never done in anything in my life.

How are you doing

Do you go too groups etc ? Do you have a family do they know ? X

[mays]

Hi Shazza

Me and my partner split after her cheating on me again so I had to leave which was awful to leave my child behind and it was from that point my life took a major dip I couldn’t handle life anymore and constantly on the gear my family know this and there is a mixed response as they don’t truly understand what it’s like to be an addict but I can’t worry what they think as I need to concentrate on making my life better.

I started back in the rooms last night which went well and I know I can’t do this on my own so I need to be around people who are the same as me all fighting for recovery

Please try and go to a CA meeting and talk to people they will offer support and you will realise you are not on your own.

[sandra301989]

Hi JensonF

Thank u for sharing your story. I’m 30 years old now but I’m struggling with it since 2014 …… now is gone 4 years. Is 19/09/2019I was really bad as my husband showed me how todo it first time in 2013 and I couldn’t stop since then . It’s just stop me from getting drunk I feel good or I don’t think about my problems ….. is stronger then me doesn’t matter how much I want fight it …..and say I never do it again I still do it next time. My husband stopped completely, he literally stopped going out and couple times he go out and he never take it but I did. He is saying to me I should grow up etc but when I do it doesn’t mean I’m not grown up is means all my past or not getting drunk makes me feel like I’m alive, I know I need help but at the moment every time when he go out and I stay in my house all I can think about it is to call my friend to get some so I don’t feel rough . I hate being alone, I haven’t got real friends or normal friends to speak to. It’s easy to not explaining everything to my husband Ashe ask million questions and I hate it and makes me to run again ????‍♀️????‍♀️???? help?

[wtf1111]

Just found this site and guess what I’m high at the minute and a friend of mine posted months ago, now I do coke and it pains me to say most weekends, my Mrs is pissed off with it but I don’t find it addictive at all, I’d never do it during the week and my main problem is on a Friday I finish work go for a couple of beers and promise myself not tonight, 1 hour later and 3 beers In it’s ordered, it’s got to the point where I can’t go for a pint without it, now my post might seem rediculas to others but why the hell can I not go out have a beer be happy and go home, all my mates go home at last orders and I’m still looking for a session, any advice is welcome. My post looks stupid now but when I said my Mrs is pissed off she actually left me around a week ago, on the odd occasion we used to have a mad night hotel some of that and beers, we would wake up my Mrs would say things like I can’t do this anymore obviously coming down but I kinda got all the blame even though sometimes she would get me to order another g which I paid for it all and the second one I didn’t want, my head’s a bit all over the place and it’s probably the most random post ever but I guess what I’m trying to ask is am I a bad person as I feel like shit like my Mrs just puts it all on me and I am a good person always go to work looked after her son like my own but still get all the shit. My god proper rambling post, if anyone can answer the 8 million questions in this post your a better person than me.

[originalusername1]

This sounds very familiar to me. The problem is you both in the same boat and you need to save yourself before you save another person when it comes to cocaine.

For instance, in my situation I didn’t have the resources so would either die or get stranded if I did manage to swin myself out of this sinking boat. I got help there were people in this helicopter that saw me screaming for help. Of course the other person needed to do the same but if they not prepared or you haven’t got the resources to help them I.e you not got enough space on this helicopter then you need to be loyal to yourself. If you manage to climb up this rope from a helicopter then you give them the rope back hey can either drag you into drowning in this sea or hold onto it and escape with you. The moral for me is be loyal to yourself save yourself but if you going to destruct yourself dont bring other people down with you but cocaine makes that happen unfortunately so best advice is concentrate on you to get help.

You will find your aswell as your mrs personalities will change around each other when you use the gear. To me it sounds like you coming terms with this issue but you not happy with the circumstances in which you feel you are the sole person responsible. It’s not your problem to make her see things from your angle but the best you can do is do this for yourself and not concentrate on anyone understanding your reasons behind this all. If shes enabling you even though you say shes left you a week ago you still need to get the right support and help to make the right decision for you. We all start to change around others that use and I think that’s what’s happening here, recognise this as a positive but dont expect her to give you answers shes focusing on herself and now you got to do right for you even if that means distance, amongst other things but it’s all a step at a time. Good luck I know its difficult but you can do this but if she comes back today or tommorow understand you need to stop this only you can do it nobody can for you.

[reece1234]

Exact same problem, been saying for the last 50 weekends In a row that I won’t touch the stuff, I can last all week but then when Friday comes I’m back on it, and I can not stop at 1g I have to atleast have 3g and it’s really fucking my bank up and me I want to stop but it feels like I’m in a trap and I can’t get out of it, I’m only 20 but I need advice Aswell because I can’t see a brighter way out

[nightcoke-supplies]

Cool

[thistim3]

reece1234 – Pretend Friday, that pub, that dealer, that beer, that coke, etc., does not exist anymore.  And, do one of your other days instead.  Don’t do Fridays – ever again.  You CAN do this – without Friday.

[Author]

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