[marie456]

My partner hid his addiction at first and told me he was an ex-addict. I had a normal life at that point. We used to talk alot at the start and I offered to help all I could. He was supposedly getting back on his feet after his ‘low’ point. A year and a half down the line and I feel a mess. I feel I’ve lost my life and he has taken over completely. We have a baby now and he doesnt help me, he missed the birth as he couldnt cope. Things have unravelled more and more over the last few months. I hate feeling so stuck and unhappy. I’ve asked him to leave but I think hes been told to stay by his family. I pay for everything so hes onto a good thing and either he or someone hes spoken to know it and have told him to take advantage. Hes talked about rehab in the last couple of weeks but I truly believe its just talk. I cant get any information to see if hes telling the truth despite my name being down with his drug worker. I feel like my life is tumbling out of control and I cant see any end to it. I wish I could book a flight and disappear. I had a crappy childhood and always told myself I’d never put a child through what I went through but here I am and I hate myself for it. No one can say anything worse than I already feel. I feel so alone and broken. I’ll need to go back to work soon as I can no longer afford to keep us all. He wont look for a job and I cant leave our baby with him as I dont trust him but at the same time I’m scared of leaving him in the house as I might not come back to anything. I have no idea where to go or what to do. He seems to want help but he claims they wont deal with him as he cant pay and we can no longer afford to sort him out. I mean its him or a roof over our head. I used to be this strong woman who didnt take crap from anyone, I’m a shadow, a shell of who I used to be and although I love my baby it would be easier to get away if they werent around. I want to call his bluff over rehab but I dont know how as I cant afford to send him and I have no idea where to start to get him treatment, partly as I said to see if he actually wants this. All I ever wanted was a happy adult life and I have really messed up. I know one day I’ll look back and this will all be over but it feels so far away.

[eml1820]

I completely understand how you feel, I was in the same position this time last year although I didn’t have children. It’s a scary & a very unsettling time but keep plodding through, you’re already doing great & you’re coping with this with a young baby. It sounds like he really does need some help but he needs to want to help himself. Do you have any local community drug/alcohol programmes near your he could take part in? You haven’t messed anything up, don’t blame yourself for his addiction. Always here if you need to talk, take care! x

[marie456]

Hes part of a local community programme but has been since before I met him. He now cant go to the meetings and part of me is glad because I know that most of the people in the group meetings were passing drugs to each other, rather than it helping him it made things worse. We tried looking at meetings outside the centre but he lost interest. I dont have the time or energy to deal with him and our baby. I tried last night to get him to sign onto an online meeting and he disappeared again for a few hours and weve hardly spoke since. I blame myself for picking him and bringing this upset in my life. I was doing well and now im back at square one and once this is over back to rebuilding my life with a child.

[dannig20]

Hi. I’m in the exact same situation. I’ve also got a young baby & support us financially, so know how difficult it is :(. It’s such a desperate feeling knowing you’re stuck in a vicious circle & being on maternity leave with not much money, but yet having to support your boyfriend knowing he spends X amount on drink and drugs. You literally can’t trust them in the slightest, whether it’s to not steal stuff from you or to look after your baby…and you can’t help but blame yourself for putting your poor baby in the middle of all this :(. I literally could have written your post. I haven’t really got any advice, but thought it might help to have someone to talk to?

[marie456]

Hi Danni, i havent even got mat leave as i was a temp and they forced me to finish early as i wasnt well so weve been living on my savings which are running out quickly – because of his addiction. I was on the operating table and he stole the card and went on a bender, even crashed my car while i was in hospital which added more expense. He seems to want to stop but wont go cold turkey. I managed to get him to talk on a couple of online NA groups last night and he said he had a plan to get clean but its not happened. I really do need some support and its been great to be able to put something on here as I cant talk to anyone. Im sure you are in the same boat, its hard to admit whats happening because you’d tell someone in your position to run a mile. I hate what ive done to myself and my child. The money i had saved was for a future that ill never see and will take me years to get back, if i ever do. I wish id had the foresight and put him in rehab instead of being in this situation. Not that its my business to do that but it wouldve been alot cheaper! It makes me feel a bit better knowing theres someone who has the same situation.

[dfh]

It doesn’t get better. I’ve been in this for 14 years and can categorically say that it does not get better. It does get worse. You need to leave. That’s it, if it have known what I now know I would have left at the beginning. Instead of inflicting this on to 3 kids. Go and be happy, get your life set up for you and your baby. I thought it would get better after my 3rd baby but no. The baby is 18 months and my addict husband just spends 4x more money and disappears for longer. You can do it. I have just separated finances and got a new house. I will not be part of this circus anymore. Sorry I can’t sugar coat it. I wish I’d had this advice when I could have made the decision sooner. Addicts don’t just ruin lives they ruin people.

[marie456]

My partner has gone. He spoke to his key worker and wouldnt take my calls, just told me to talk to her. I think I’m in shock as to how quickly everything fell apart. I still don’t really understand whats happened. He spoke to his key worker and myself about getting clean and hasnt. I found out yesterday he spent the last 2 weeks sleeping rough and using drugs. This was after he’d asked to come back and told me he was clean, i couldnt get any confirmation from his key worker as she wouldnt respond to me. I know this probably sounds muddled but my head is all over the place. He disappeared again yesterday and I’ve not heard from him since. I’ve laid awake most of the night and the only thing I keep going back to is that I don’t think hes ever loved our new baby and possibly not loved me. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel relief but heartbreak as well and now I’m panicking about how long I can spend with my baby before trying to get work and starting all over again.

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