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My husband is addicted to cocaine.He has used Since he was 15. He is 30 now. He hid his addiction from me for almost out first year together. Since then, for 4 years, he has struggled. We have struggled. Lies of bills being paid, hours worked, and a million reasons under the sun of why we don’t have any money…ie car needed work, mother in law needed money…etc. In 5 years we have been evicted and moved 5 times. One time landing us in a hotel for months. Until I became pregnant. And that was our first true longest stretch of him being sober. 3 months. We saved our money for once and got into a beautiful apartment, set up a nursery, things were looking to be turning around. Then 6 months pregnant while walking to the store I was hit by a car running a red light. I broke my leg, collar bone and had some road rash on face. Our baby was deemed to be unharmed and healthy. I spent the remainder of my pregnancy in a wheel chair, and soon found myself sitting at home and my husband not coming home, lieing and obviously using again. Now flash forward almost 3 years later…and it’s been an up and down rollercoaster the entire time. Promises of getting clean, saying he was going to meetings but going and using, asking for landlord to pay rent partially and telling me it was paid. Now after so long of being kind and supportive despite my pain, I will admit I started to turn to nothing but anger. Esp when years after my accident we get a $5,000 check from my lawyer and he spent it all in a matter of 2 months. We began to fight constantly and he in turn began to blame me and my angry and distrust for his continued drug use. In the last 6 months I’ve decided to put the anger aside. What’s the point…and what’s gonna be the outcome? Nothing good. We bought drug tests and put them under the sink. And promised each other…next time I believe he has been using he would take a test no questions asked. Now when my husband uses. It’s obvious. His jaw will clench and “rock” even hours after. So in the last 6 months he has been clean…for the most part. There were some obvious lies at the beginning..but the last 3 months…truly gave me hope. We started saving money. No arguing. Planning trips. A new leaf has finally been turned…no reason to take a drug test…so I thought. It began a few weeks ago…when extra stimulus money started coming in due to Covid-19. He began taking hours to run to the store for 2 things. Coming home with nothing. Money missing….jaw rocking. But I didn’t say anything. Last night I knew he was out using. He came home the most inebriated I’d seen him in a while. I kept quiet…but it was obvious I was upset. He asked me if I wanted him to take a drug test, he promises he has done nothing wrong. I remain silent feeding our daughter dinner. Within minutes he is now huffing and obviously irritated. I asked if everything was okay and he starts to go on about it breaks his heart that our marriage has come to this…he knows it’s his fault but it makes him said. And he would never ask me to take a drug test or something like that. I said yes a drug test would relieve my anxiety but I didn’t ask you to take it. I want you to want to prove yourself. In the end he didn’t offer to take a test, and I didn’t ask. But this morning I hit my all time low and I saw he didn’t flush the toilet. I tested the urine and sure enough….positive for cocaine. Now I have no idea what to do. Do I give him another chance and just ask him nicely if he will take a test and make me feel better? Do I just give him the positive test and tell him what I did? He knows he will fail…obviously so im assuming he won’t take a test regardless the excuse. He has been soo sweet since last night…sending sweetest all day while he is at work…which breaks my heart even more. Like he is just trying to cover up what he did. Which makes it not sincere.What do I do? Help!
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Hiya Sarah. I’ve got a coke habit, 40 days clean today, I hate the stuff BTW and I’m doing everything to stop. I’m on meetings now, as this was my last straw.
Anyways, I think you need to confront him and tell him it’s positive. Or he is just gonna think he’s got away with it and use and use. He will lie and minipulate you with excuses of were he is going and why. I know its heart breaking for partners like yourself.
What do you want to do? Do you want to stay with him? If he is not willing to stop or put the effort in then move on yourself and think of just you. Feel free to ask me anything.
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The thing is he probably really does mean it when he says he wants to stop when he’s not on it. When coming down off cocaine you get suicidal thought and bad depression for days. It’s to do with dopamine in our brains. So he really probably does mean it when he wants to stop.
But I never really believed this, but it is a disease and its like a devil on your shoulder when you don’t want to use.
I’ve been down stairs on my own at 6am crying my eyes out, when it’s all gone depressed and suicidal texting my mum admitting it to her for the 1st time asking for help.
It broke her really. I guess he needs a good support network and get to some meetings. I’ve got a sponsor now and he’s helped me so much and has talked me out of a few bad days.
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I guess only your husband will know if he is living the life he wants to. But I do know one thing, that most addicts who admit they have a problem, don’t want to live this life and hate it, and we try are best to stop. I’ve been doing it 11 years and it’s mostly at weekends, quite a few times it was only once every few week. But I always said I’d never do meetings or rehab because of work. But I joined CA in Dec. So I guess it’s how bad you want it aswell. You really do need a good support network. Pocket rehab is a good app tell him. It’s like a facebook home page with all addicts talking to each other and can ask for help. It’s very useful.
He sounds like my gf screaming at me for a plate. Just remember none of this is your fault, you can say all you want to him but when that downer kicks in he will just be feeling awful and depressed. Just leave him be. But that’s up to. I tell my gf stop reminding me what I’ve done and I’ve messed up again. I don’t want her to make me feel worse, if that makes sense.
There was a doctor on my meeting last night who use be on it for 3 days on end. It effects everyone. I always say is that we’re just stuck in a big rut and need get new hobbies and things to do to keep us busy, mentally and physically.
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