[confused23]

Good afternoon everyone,

I just needed to come on here and vent a little. I posted on here a couple weeks ago. Idk why I keep falling for his promises and hoping things will get better. Yesterday he came home and I could tell he had used. He lied to me for a bit then finally admitted to using Kratom. That stuff reacts as if he’s on drugs and I actually did my research and educated myself and it pretty much is a drug itself. So last night we of course didn’t do a lot of talking I mostly did the talking while he was in denial etc. well today he went to work he didn’t call me on his lunch or respond so to my texts and it showed he went to this little off spot by the water and was there for only 12 minutes then went to the gas station for a quick second. He’s an electrician and there are women that work there with them so now I’m nervous about him possibly cheating. Idk what to do cause he’s never made me feel like he is but I have seen where most users do cheat. I’m very overwhelmed and really want to know why he was there for a short time then off to a gas station just long enough to run to a restroom not even long enough for the gps to show he stayed there for 5 minutes. This shit is seriously making me crazy.

[loveB4drugs]

Hello confused23!!

i can’t give you the right advice but i was going thru something similar while being with my BF. he got addicted to meth 2 years ago of our almost 7 year relationship. everything you stated that you went thru, the lying, secrets, sneaking out at night, accusing, arguing constantly and the denial he claimed, is exactly how we were. he made me feel crazy. I remember crying and arguing with him everyday. He’s been charged 4 times with possession of (M) and fled from police which resulted crashing and totaling 2 of our vehicles. Confronting him, and showing the public records of him using he still lied to my face. denied and said cops are trying to get after him. to top it off i was 6 months pregnant at the time when it’s been a year of dealing with him using. the day i decided that i had enough was when he fled from police and crashed our vehicle into a semi which led to being totaled that 2nd time. he called me and repeatedly said he’s sorry and the phone hung up. I didn’t know what was going on, until the ER called me. he was sent to the hospital. for going 60mph in town and hitting the back of the semi, he only had his pelvic bruised. i stayed with him for the night and drove him home and took care of him until he was able to walk again (4 days). later i found out the whole time of being in the hospital and being there for him, he was liking, complimenting other girls pictures and there statuses online. the betrayal i felt, and lie after lie. how could he do that when i’m right there in front of him?? I was there, he called me that night apologizing, cried to me, and that whole time he was still going behind my back. i had enough. i decided to stop talking to him and let him do what he wants. it killed me to do that but i told him multiple times that i won’t be there for him if he chooses to continue that lifestyle. 4 months later of no contact, i got a voicemail from a rehab, it was him. he put himself in there to get clean, he said he hated how bad his life went downhill, and how he lost everything including me and our son. 10 weeks in rehab, then 5 weeks in outpatient treatment and classes, and now he’s in a 9 month program at a treatment center. He comes home in 2 weeks, he hasn’t seen our daughter since she was 3 months old. she turns 1 in oct. its been 2 years since he first used and got addicted.

Moral of my story is that you’ll know when enough is enough, and you have to leave. I left for our kids and my mental health. it drained me, i felt like my life got ruined, and it wasn’t even me that’s causing it. I left, i didn’t reply or contacted him in anyway, and felt like i broke my own heart by ‘giving up’ on us. but if or when you leave, its going to hurt, you’ll blame yourself for leaving or blame the drugs for why this is happening between your guys relationship. stress yourself out wondering if he’s okay. wanting to answer those calls from him or reply to his late night texts.  but he has to want to get sober, nothing will change his mind, no one can convince him but himself. My bf knew he couldn’t get sober without help, even 10 weeks he told me he still craves the high. yes it sucked that he wasn’t there with us, first year of life of our second child he missed, but i knew if he didn’t go in, he wouldn’t be around anyways. It took him till he didn’t have anything left, no one was there for him or didn’t want to be around him, for him to get help. Yes he’s your husband but it’s not you that’s making your life emotionally, financially, physically hard. It’s him. the love you have for him makes you want to stay by his side and help him get sober, that’s how i felt. and i still left. i didn’t want mine and our kids life to go to shit because he chose drugs.

also my mom is heavily into drugs, since birth. learning to accept her choice made me realize it’s okay for me to choose to not be involved with her in my life. she’s fried. and sometimes you have to accept that ‘failure’. sorry for the long reply. makes me emotional just talking about it. what i wen thru with my bf was the worst time in my life. very unexpected and life went from a 10 lifestyle to 2 in one year until i left i was scared to get to the bottom and needed to change things.

do what’s best for you and your kids. sending love and hope he gets the help he needs to get sober. xoxoxooo

[confused23]

Hi LoveB4Drugs

i appreciate the reply and it was helpful. My husband has now been gone since Friday out running around and doing god knows what. He left me here high and dry knowing rent was due etc and I have no way to pay it considering he was the main person that made the money. I have no one here for any help and I have checked in with all resources and there’s nothing. I can’t be homeless with 4 children. How does someone do this to their family?? This isn’t my first rodeo with him either it just keeps going on and on. Like when does it stop? I have tried so hard and I’m the end I’m the bad guy. He has his own friends believing it’s me and all my fault. His sober friends that aren’t even using things believe him and talk crap to me etc saying I always have to have tabs on him and controlling him etc. because we have the life 360 app. Like how is someone suppose to trust anyone that has lost the trust if they don’t know what they are doing cause they have lied so much about their where about? I’m in my bed and just so fucked up and confused and don’t know how I’m going to do this consider he left me with everything and I have no help. Going through this makes me feel as I have failed as a wife even though I know I haven’t. I do good by him and try so hard for him but it’s never enough. What gives? I’m so heart broken and my mental health also is down the drain.

[ElLobo13]

When someone has an addiction it precedes anything in their lives. I hope things get better for you ????????????????????????

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