[dfh]

I’ve had enough. The last straw. I’m beginning to feel angry at everything, have struggled too long and suffered too much. I’m starting to hate. I’m becoming someone I don’t recognise.

My husband can keep his crack and his smack. It’s obviously more important to him than us. He has begged, borrowed, lied and stolen. Enough. I have 3 kids, struggled to keep the family and house going aswell as lied and covered his sorry ass. I’ve financially and emotionally supported him. And for what? He now gets to wave the rehab flag and say he will sort himself out? Well yes, do that but I will not be here. I’m out, done, finished.

So I’ve sold my house and bought another despite him doing absolutely everything to sabotage it. And now I call quits. This is not my circus and they certainly ain’t my monkeys. My kids deserve better, I deserve better hell even my dog deserves better.

So addict, I’m sorry but here is where I get off. Thanks for the joy ride, it was eye opening, scary as hell and a life lesson. Always aim higher in life. Don’t be a host for the addict parasite. You lose money, faith and respect. You start to become a horrible person just to protect yourself and kids. No thanks. I’m good. I want a better life and unfortunately you don’t want to be part of it.

Go rehab and get your help. Those who need it more have no such help. Those like us. Those who prop up the addict, the breadwinner, the 2 parents in one.

The parting line for me to others in the same situation is this….know your worth and quit. Leave. It’s not an easy way out, your not giving up you are just preserving yourself. If you don’t choose to take the advice you will see what I mean in due course.

And to those who are the addict. I hope you see the damage here and use it to get clean, you will end up destroying real life actual people who have others that depend on them. Those dependants that you can’t actually look after while your sole purpose is drugs. Take yourself and your drugs and kindly leave the person you are destroying. They don’t deserve your lies and deceit or your financial plughole. That my friend is your own responsibility. Your can to carry nor theirs. Inflict your asshole actions on yourself.

[thelostone]

I have no words. You deserve a medal for this. WELL DONE!!!

[dfh]

Thanks lostone…hope you are ok x

[thelostone]

getting there. Not quite where you are but not living with my partner and blocked him for the 100th time, and again trying to break away. To be fair he went into rehab for the first time ever in his life. I knew he’d lapse.. but I’m taking this time to try and break away for good this time.

[hox-26]

Well said Dfh. That’s the big thing isn’t it. Knowing your own worth. I’ve got there too. I’m going to get the house out into my name only, which he agreed to and I’m on my way to my full recovery from his addiction. It is so good feeling that I don’t have to make myself look pathetic anymore. I look after myself now, and gained back my self respect. I’m not his mum he’s a big boy and has made his own foolish decisions. Why on earth we think we have to make them better being their wives is now beyond me.

Keep well.

[dfh]

Good to hear from you Hox!

You have to set yourself these goals, the goal is to make yourself happy.

I bought a house before I got with him but 2 more kids and the house is now too small. So we both agreed to sell up and get a joint mortgage. Turns out a blip on his credit file meant harder to get high st lender mortgage so found a higher interest lender that would. Any way turns out he then spent his entire 2k wage on drugs despite him knowing we needed his bank statements for mortgage application. Not content with that he did it again this month! I cancelled joint application and set myself up for single application just after his first bender. Just been accepted now. My suspicions are that he wanted to get his hands on the equity, coz he totally went off on a rant when I told him I’d been accepted. Previous to that he was fine with it but prob as he thought I wouldn’t have any chance. Well he’s wrong. And if he thinks I’m going to put my kids at risk he can think again. I’ve stood on my own 2 feet long enough to do the best I can with no help elsewhere. He is now in the middle of a pity party, moaning it’s still not his house, moaning I won’t lend him money, moaning I’ll have loads of money from sale of house and he won’t- I actually won’t coz it’s for house stuff. And then telling anyone who will listen that he won’t be living there coz he’s going to rehab.

Well he needs it, he’s been up for 6 days straight on a bender. His entire wages gone – I made sure he gave me back what I lent him last month.

I’m not interested in his antics. They are tiring and not healthy. I distanced myself around Dec and it’s the best thing I’ve done. Yes he has noticed, chucks it in the arguments now but I’m past caring. Well I’m going to keep myself busy with moving and leave him to it. See if he actually does go rehab. Sure as hell not staying with us if he doesn’t.

Hox & Lostone – believe me when I tell you that you are strong, you have the deep set will power to achieve anything. You will change your mindset and let the addict affect you less. Distance yourself – take yourself out of the chaos. Concentrate on you and your kids. You know the strongest people are those who live with addicts. They have and can deal with so much more than some people could only dare think was possible. You need to look after yourself. Love yourself! Xx

[hox-26]

It’s great to see you focused on your wellbeing Dfh. We have gone through a lot and I now feel a hell of a lot stronger in myself. Same as you, I have had to cope on my own on one wage for over two years now. It is surprising what you can do. I thought I couldn’t do it by myself and I totally lost it, but I can. It is frightening in the beginning but two years down the line I cannot keep worrying. I take things now as a challenge because like you say we are strong we have had to deal with so much. You are right, look after yourself, love and respect yourself. xx

[r7byrne]

Just like to say you sound bloody amazing! Well done to you for putting yourself and your children first and making a better life for yourself.

I hope it all works out for you and your children.

My story is a little bit different with my partner, I’m really hoping one day soon he can get out of his depressive state of mind from losing his Dad last year, it’s so scary to think of in the last 6 months from drinking exclusively can take hold of your life, very sad and hard to see.

Good luck with everything 🙂 x x

[dfh]

Thanks – I’m sure you will get there but don’t pin all your energy on him. I mean that in the nicest way. He is ultimately responsible for being happy and not depressed. It’s not your job. He needs to find a way through, you can only support him emotionally. If you try to focus on him too much you will forget yourself and all that will be achieved is both of you will become unhappy and resentful. You HAVE to look after you first. Xx

[zaitsev]

I hope you get what you deserve in life and it’s not that kind of life anyone wants, I understand everything you are going through and wish I could wave a magic wand for you and all of us victims of being the ones to pick up the pieces and rebuild all the time, it’s a horrible situation and hope you stay strong for your kids. Society is slowly being destroyed by drugs as it’s not just the users that it affects it’s the loved ones around them, Devils Dust. Look after yourself and kids and hope you all the best for your future.

[Author]

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