[littlehappy]

Hey so last time I was on here I was back with my partner, he was using cocaine and treating me like rubbish, coming and going, giving me hope and then vanishing to his mothers where his friends were close and he had free reign to use as often as he liked.

Well back in October time I was happy to call it quits, I hardly heard from him and life felt okay…as soon as he knew he was back…so lovely to me, i caved and stayed with him a couple of times before he came home…he started off following my rules, no drinking no using anything under my roof and all seemed amazing!! I found myself planning our future together again, looking at moving and sharing my money with him to get him sorted lol, what an idiot!!!!

He did swap doing cocaine to beans which at first was better, his anger and outbursts were gone. By Mid November he had managed to somehow to talk me round to letting him get in from work and lay in bed next to me drinking and popping a few beans, by Christmas he was buying 50 – 60 beans a week and drinking loads again! He was blowing his wages on gambling, football, darts and then staying up all night to catch the basketball. He would wake me in the middle of the night with our baby yo ask for £5 here and £5 there…at that time I caved rather than start an argument because no was not an option.

By Christmas I was pretty broke too.

I still managed to sort gifts for my kids and him…

My gifts in return from him…a bag of bargain bits his mum had given him to make do, most of which were 50p from wilko. He missed our little ones 1st because he was on a bender with his mate and things just kept getting worse. He blames everything on everyone else, this time it was his mothers fault for not letting him sleep in the morning to catch up, then it was my daughter’s fault for not making him feel welcome so that was why he had had to party!!

All ridiculous!

And then on Friday after telling me how it all stems from me, I told him I didn’t see us fixing things so he sent me a barrage of nasty messages followed by threats to message people and tell them his stories, I blocked him, I screen shot his messages and sent them to his mum and I told her he would have to go through her if he wants to see our baby.

He appeared last night to “get stuff” from my room, I’m sure it was so I had to see him because he thinks if I see him I will miss him!, which I do but I can’t have him back again!

I videoed his out bursts in the car, screaming at me as he drives, telling me that he can do better and calling me names…straight to “I love you!”

It’s crazy behavior, I don’t deserve to live another second in that but I do miss him…I miss the nice and happy him but he can’t see that he’s changed, those drugs have destroyed him!

And so it begins…day 3 no contact let’s hope my life gets better….

[redfox20]

Hey you! I’ve been thinking about you & wondering how you’ve been getting on. Sorry i didn’t get back to your last message i did read it! You have been through it haven’t you, i really hope you find the strength & put you first as it only will get worse! I’ve had to learn that too, i know you love him but you have to accept the drugs are driving he’s behaviour and decisions at the min and try not to take it personally. Also don’t question what he does or try to rationalise it as this will drive you insane! I promise you it will get easier & you will feel better don’t look back it’s so important you do it as he may not take you seriously at the min with going back and forth i get it ive done it too! I know you love him you want to help but you can’t he has to want it for himself and when that will happen even if it does who knows! Have hope of course but know that you leaving may not make him change it may get worse, but never blame yourself for it as it’s his problem not yours. You can only control what you do & in time you will be so much happier. Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey!!!!

I’m so glad your still here…even though that’s not so good, but I have missed having someone who just knows what’s going and just gets the whole still loving them but not being able to help thing.

So how are you?? I’ve not had a chance to sit and read much on here, my little one is up and about now, my landlord had to find out we had separated on Saturday, he wasn’t happy…he loved my partner and stupidly thinks I may not cope alone! Now he’s coming back at Easter to check my “situation!”

God knows what I will do if he decides he doesn’t want me just because I’m alone!

Anyway yeah, it’s good to hear from you! I hope your doing as okay as you can be, I’m on a positive day thank god xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, I’m okay thank you. Doing much better, it’s took a lot of learning & strength to get here that’s for sure. Things were going well before Christmas we still wasn’t together properly, but he was calling daily keeping in touch he was working he started a new job in Oct & was seeming to be doing well. He was having kids fortnightly and paying for them. He had a bad relapse before Christmas I think it was coz I chose to spend it with my mum this year after he disappeared one weekend & didn’t get in touch for a few days and was distant & it really pissed me off. I wanted to show him that things are different now and that’s how he’s life will be if he continues to use drugs, and also I couldn’t play happy families after what he done to me last year I just couldn’t. He’s mum picked the kids up Boxing Day as he slept and stayed alone in he’s mums house all over Christmas he spent all he’s wages & didn’t get the kids a single thing and i didn’t hear from him over that time. He hasn’t been in touch since 29th of dec has ignored my calls and texts asking if he’s still having the kids & sending them money, i last called on 5th of Jan to see what was happening & have since left it. My boy said he’s work van wasn’t at he’s mums on Sunday just gone as he went past on he’s bike with friends, so I think he may of lost the job so that’s why he’s hiding away probably depressed. I won’t get in touch now and I don’t care if he ever doesn’t again tbh. We’re okay without him I got through last year and was so mentally weak so i can get through this. So yeah he’s just dropped the kids no explanation from him or he’s mum nothing, things obviously aren’t good as when they ain’t we don’t hear from him. So we’re best to stay out of it. How old is your little girl now? My little one is nearly 10 months now she just started crawling the weekend my mum came down and we were altogether when she did it the first time was so lovely she still doesn’t have one tooth mind you haha. I hope things go okay with your landlord Im sure it will be fine as long as your able to pay, if not that’s disgusting of him to get you out just coz you’re own your own. You will show him us women just get on with it we don’t need a man haha! X

[littlehappy]

Oh wow,

Not that far off mine by the sounds of it!,

He had his 30th the day before my little ones, he had started an argument a couple of days before because he had stripped my bank account for betting so got home but seemed to think I had hidden money and wanted to go out and buy alcohol…

Anyway he came briefly to pick up his presents but made out it was to see baby, stayed about 20 minutes as he said he had to go get a haircut…later he calls me to go celebrate with him n his mate as it was his 30th, I agreed n we went to a pub for 1 drink n then back to his mums to play darts…it was a laugh tbf but they were on it, he did his big promise to not ruin things n no matter what I said he didn’t really care and carried on…and I left early to be back for babys big day.

He called me within an hour of getting home and sounded wasted…

Next day I heard nothing until the evening n we had held off giving he her gifts just incase he showed up…

Dunno why I thought he would, he called and blamed his mum for waking him up n that was the only reason he didn’t show!, I know he was still up popping beans in the morning lol, I doubt he had slept at all!

N then said he doesn’t get along with one of my girls so if he comes he wanted her sent to her room lol, I mean as if I’d do that! I told him where to go n hung up.

So he managed yo be off his face both on the day she was born and on her first birthday…

Anyway,

She’s doing so well! Almost walking, saying simple things like mum n bang bang n brum brum lol,

She a happy girl!

It’s a shame that he can’t control himself, even when he was abusing me by text message I tried to help him but he just flips and goes crazy!

I have videos now and his messages, the last straw was, he brought up old friends from 6 years ago that he is now convinced I had a fling with and he threatened to send messages, he sent me screen shots of vile things he had planned to send to the girl, all completely rubbish but I couldn’t take any more, he has said the most disgusting things to me, I was close to calling the police out to deal with him but instead I blocked him and sent the screen shots to his mum, I’ve told her he will need to arrange contact through her now as I’m not interested…

Hopefully I’m gonna arrange to catch up with an old friend soon as that’s the other part of it all, I lost contact with all my friends because he didn’t like them lol…I’m such a mug! Or was haha

Ahh your little one sounds so sweet! I adore babies!! I’m on number 5 ???? no more now though! Xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, sorry to hear he didn’t come to your little one’s birthday, they become so selfish don’t they! Honestly nothing surprises me anymore, and I don’t expect anything either it’s the best way! I really think he will take you seriously once you make a stand as tbh he isn’t serious about stopping and is taking advantage of your good nature. Don’t give any attention to he’s threats unless your in danger they will act out when they feel they are loosing you it’s manipulative and a ploy to keep you there and to use you. You should defo meet that old friend and do what makes you happy, and deal with he’s mum he sounds very immature to me. She’s number 4 for me & same! It’s bloody hard work doing it alone but I’m doing it, and so will you! You honestly don’t need someone like that in your life kids father or not it’s nothing but a rollercoaster. Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey

I’ve not heard a peep!

I’m so glad but the longer it goes on the more I’m worried each day that he will suddenly appear…

I don’t care but I worry about our little one, he’s dad and everything and I’m sure he misses her but she won’t be comfortable seeing him without me there which means I’d have to spend time with him too.

I know the time will come but the longer the better for my mental health lol

Hopefully he stays away just a little longer…and I know it’s probably gonna hurt but I sorta hope he’s charged off and jumped into another relationship to try and hurt me because then I can draw a line under everything

I found a job!

Back in teaching which is amazing but it’s happening so quickly lol, I’m keeping busy and things are just zooming! I planned on waiting till after Easter but hopefully I’ve got it all sorted to get back to work in the next couple of weeks! Gives me something to focus on!

How are you??

Any news from yours?

I hope your good xxx

[redfox20]

Hey how you doing? Not heard anything neither from him or he’s mum been nearly a month. Had to do some digging as wanted to go to csa but didn’t know if he was still working so called company he worked for before Christmas this was a new job he started Oct, they said he last came in on the 22 of dec they haven’t heard from him too like myself and they had to come to he’s mums address to take their company van back. I know speaking with him on that date he had cash from a job of the company as a client paid in cash he was due to go in the next day with the money to the office and also collect a new van as they were pleased with how he was doing. That obviously never happened so can’t help thinking he’s dipped into that money couldn’t pay it back so ignored them. It was a week in hand he was paid so they could of took the cash back from hes week they owe when they last paid him or wiped their hands clean of it who knows. We’re doing well! My anxiety has stopped thank god, kids are getting on good at school and ive finally accepted the situation for what it is and for whatever reason he’s not in touch right now and that’s okay. I’m not going to worry or dwell on things anymore it’s not healthy it’s not my problem to solve so I won’t worry about it! Hopefully he’s hit rock bottom and get his life together and gets in touch when he’s sorted and well if he don’t then he’s better off out the picture. How’s things your end, hope your remaining strong it’s not easy but so worth it in the long run for you! X

[littlehappy]

Hey you x

I’m so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through, I remember when we first spoke and had so much in common!

It’s sad how they all seem to follow a similar path!.

But I’m glad your staying strong!

I get to points at the moment where I just suddenly miss him and I miss his face, I loved his face lol…shame he was so nasty!! he’s made my life hell over the last couple of years, he’s watched me cry so many times and still walked away n not even called to check I’m okay!.

My girls know a bit, my older ones know he’s an alcoholic and a gambler because it was obvious, my younger girls know he got angry a lot…but no one knows about the drugs or the extent of his bullying.

He is the most textbook narcissist!, in every single way and the drugs just fueled it all.

That’s why I can’t go back,

Someone came hammering on my front door in the middle of the night last week, as if I’m gonna open it!

Other than that I’ve heard nothing, I’m still dreading each day because he’s gotta contact me at some point to see our little one…god knows how that’s all gonna play out!

I met up with a friend this weekend too, he hated me having friends so I lost touch with everyone, it was so good not having to worry about him sneaking off to the loo to get high!

No having to watch him crazily chatting to everyone around the pub!

And when I got home I went to bed with no one starting on me or giving me a lecture for hours about how im failing lol.

My house is calm, stuff is getting done!

I have two birthdays at the beginning of Feb, an 18th and a 9 year olds so I’ve had loads to keep me busy

I hope your still good!

Any sightings of yours? Xxx

[icarus-trust]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that life has been difficult because of your partner’s addiction. If you would like some support from us at Icarus Trust please get in touch as we are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family.

We have trained and experienced people called family Friends who you could speak with if you feel that would help.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[redfox20]

hey, im doing good thank you.

Taking it day by day but getting so much stronger mentally my anxiety has gone for now which is brilliant it has done me a favour him cutting us off as ive had no choice but to concentrate on me!

Also well done you on getting a job feels good to put you first and do what makes you feel happy doesnt it? Same here ive been tackling admin small things around the house things that fell to the wayside last year when my mind was so heavily consumed worrying about him. ive also been venturing out more in the week getting a bus to a supermarket further away now my anxiety has gone im able to do and it feels good.

i have read up on narcissists and watched youtube videos looking at the connection between that and drug use. i wouldnt say my ex is a narcissist but the addiction has certainly given him traits thats for sure. What i would say though is that even without the addiction if i were to discover he were a narcissist i would run for the hills they are a mind f*** to put it politely and if you certainly feel he is keep your distance and emotionally as that will really help you. He may be wondering why you havent given in and he could ramp it up abit or he could walk away find a new supply which as you say will do you the biggest favour! Still no sign either this end and for the first time in a long time im okay with it dont get me wrong some days i feel sorry for myself an him for the situation he has got us in but im fine the next day and snap out of it. hope to hear back from you! xx

[littlehappy]

Hey

It’s amazing how they mess us up and we have to put ourselves back together isn’t it!.

And it’s amazing how we hide it so when we need to reach out for support no one is really there because they haven’t seen it so they don’t believe you ????

I’m glad your doing okay and getting out and about, I’m going out a bit too…with my kids as a safety but it’s out so I don’t care haha

This time last year I thought I had it all together, I was out walking miles but I stupidly thought maybe I could still fix him…and as soon as he came back I stopped walking and before I knew it I was dragged back into his way of life lol, it was so much worse this time round, I felt so anxious just having him in the house because he managed to change the whole mood, he was such a constant drag, I think most of that was drugs making him moody but not the nasty side, that doesn’t actually make him say the things he did, it just made him confident to say it.

Your right though, I’ve gotta get myself as strong as I can while I can so I don’t fall for his lies again because they are lies,

I’ve not been able to tell many people about the things he’s done over the years because they sound crazy and he is loved by everyone but I can see it so clearly now, he was unbelievable for maybe the first few months, and then he switched.

The things he’s done and put me through! Goodness knows why I put up with it and still loved him!

As for the job! They messed me around with hours and kept changing what they wanted so I didn’t take it, I have 5 children to take care of so I need a job I can rely on lol, I have two interviews this week with much better options, fingers crossed ???????? I’ll let you know how I do.

Chat soon xx

[redfox20]

Hey, how’s things? Coming on with an update my end. Guess who i bumped into in Tesco, only him didn’t i! It was totally by fate as i forgot a certain item and had to head back the way to where we then bumped into him. I was on the phone with my older son, then my youngest boy run ahead shouts mummy it’s daddy, i was so shocked and taken off guard honestly. I was trying to keep myself calm, my son cuddled him and they was talking about what we’re having for dinner as my boy had poppadums for a curry lol, he honestly wasn’t expecting to bump into us you could see it in he’s face. I don’t normally go in there at that time before school run so it was a major fluke! Long story short he asked me how ive been said ive been good. I said why havent you been in touch reckons it was personal stuff and as time dragged on he didn’t know what to say. He then said ill come up tomorrow that old chestnut, i said look don’t feel obliged or forced to bother with the kids because you’ve bumped into us, your either in or out were fine regardless it’s up to you! He then said i was going to message the weekend actually i said you expect me to believe that? He said I was just gonna come up or call you it’s been a while now and he says he misses them. So it’s been left he will call tomorrow and pop up, he told my boy daddy will see you tomorrow. Do i believe him nope! Can’t help but feel like he just said it tbh, so im not sitting here waiting on that call as I will get my closure either way if he doesn’t I will know he clearly isnt interested in seeing the kids! Hopefully he does for the kids if not then we will carry on as we were. And yes it’s disgusting how their addiction ruins us too and we can’t turn to drugs to numb it it does infuriate me at times honestly but no choice to accept the shitty situation he has put himself and us in. Hope your keeping strong and not falling for it they can be so manipulative can’t they! Sorry to hear that job didn’t work out, ???????? for the interviews do let me know! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey you!,

Jesus! Sounds like you went through what I’m dreading!

Just the thought of bumping into him!, it shocks me that they have the balls to even go shopping after they do all this to us! ????

He should be hiding away!

I bet he freaked when he saw you! And so he should! Your doing so well holding it together for the kids while he only thinks of himself!.

If I’m honest I think the next time I see mine I will hold it together but be a huge messy wreck after…I miss his face and I miss the tiny good times, but I know it was all a big lie.

Lol I think I should sit and watch his screaming videos I took before he left! That always sorts me back out and reminds me what he is….

I find it hard understanding why they can’t even be a little bit strong!

Hell we change completely and put our children before ourselves! Why can’t they!!

I miss having a friend who likes the same stuff as me too haha,

I met him through music, he was a Mc and our friends were all music related so we went out a lot to UKG events,

All those friends are long gone or only his mates now, some of mine even said they won’t get involved because they like him,

I am seeing some friends now but they are settled or really quite boring!

???? ???? ????

I hope your okay though,

It’s hard walking away and shouldering all of this, I have to keep so busy!, stuffs getting done which is great but it’s to make sure I’m shattered each night otherwise I won’t sleep haha

As for my jobs,

I’ve been offered 1 which is full time so will be hard being away from the girls but seems good, they want me to go in Monday and sign forms

And the other I’m waiting to hear about which is term time and perfect but jobs like those are gold dust, it’s down to me and 1 other so now I just have to wait…???????? I need to know Monday though because I can’t risk loosing the other job.

One day we will meet up and put the world to rights haha goodness knows we have been through more than most people!

That’ll make their ears burn hahaha

Look after yourself xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, honestly he’s face was a picture. I just didn’t want to give any reaction and play it cool that it ain’t bothered me him not getting in touch. Believe me i was seething inside! I know right the utter cheek doing he’s shopping like a normal person after the havoc he’s caused by being an addict it’s madness! He was sober you could tell he doesn’t use daily it’s in binges. Totally relate to having someone that’s just like you me & him had so much in common do miss that bond too that we had not gonna lie it is hard he’s completely normal between binges just not great at communicating he never has been that’s he’s downfall. Same with us we went out a lot and all our mates well his mainly have settled down and don’t have nothing to do with it a true mate wouldn’t they would be looking out for you. I know what you mean you can be so exhausted physically but mentally it keeps you wide awake thinking about it all I am trying not to dwell on things and just trust either way things will be okay. He did get in touch today was so shocked he messaged and asked if he could pick the kids up in the morning and have them this weekend at he’s mums. Great timing too as it’s my sisters baby shower tomorrow already cancelled because of getting there with all the kids but now he’s having them im going! So made up about that! I’m glad he messaged also for the kids my youngest boy has really missed him. Don’t get me wrong If he pulls away again with no good reason i won’t be giving him another chance i will tell him no and stick to it! Oh sounds promising on the job front! ???????? you get the term time one how handy will that be. You will feel so much better once you’re working, I want to be a midwife going to pursue it once my youngest is in school as can’t afford childcare at the min and all my family live in essex. Defo have to sort it one day to meet hopefully things go well my end and he has kids so i can get out an make plans! Be lovely to meet you. Xx

[littlehappy]

Heeyyy

I hope your having a good weekend!,

and the baby showers going well!!

I’m sure he wishes he had the will power to say no and I bet he feels stupid each time he lets you down but for some reason they don’t even seem to try, lol mine would always make the weakest excuses!,

He would wait for a message from his mate to “party” and say “that’s done it, I need a ticket now!” And that would be it lol,

I get what you mean too, my 9year old dotes on him even though he’s not her real dad she called him dad but she knows he shouted way too much and had me in tears all the time…it’s just sad but I can’t make him step up and be here.

Even down to money, he never paid a bill or helped in any way with money, he spent all he had on drugs and a lot of what I had too, he would lie to his mum to make up our rent money after doing massive nights on it.

Shame really, haha still fancy him though ???? nice face – horrible personality ????

Xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, how are you? I’m having a lovely weekend thank you. Baby shower went well was a lovely day got home about 10 last night, felt so good to get dressed up & have a break! It was so needed, all 3 kids ended up staying with him I was gonna pick the baby up but would of been past her bedtime by the time we got home so asked if she could stay he said that was fine. Yes I think he does definitely wish he did and could be back home, ive noticed he’s relapses are emotional he was doing well for a couple months before Christmas. I dunno, I feel in a better place with it all now and have cut off worrying about it, what will be will be! I hope he continues to show up for the kids now as they deserve us both in their lives & I need the bloody break that’s for sure haha. Having a chilled one today kids will be back between 7 or 8 so watching Netflix and making the most of the peace for now! Oh don’t it’s always the ones with the lovely faces and that have crappy personalities isn’t it! Gotta laugh haven’t you. Hope you and kids are well. Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey

Ah I’m so glad to hear that!!

How nice to get some time to yourself!! Makes you feel like an actual human being n not just a mum haha

What is it with them being able to turn it n suddenly be about again haha! Don’t knock it though hey ????

I only went n got the blooming job!! they made me wait until today to let me know though! Now I’ve gotta let my other job offer down, sort childcare for my little one and get all my references n stuff organized for tomorrow….

It’s at a nursery so you would think that they would know it takes time to organize stuff like childminders!

But I’m really happy,

I didn’t need to go back to work just yet with my universal credit but I was a bit worried that when I did I wouldn’t be able to find a job so at least this way I’ve got the one I want and I’m gonna be home every holiday! ????

Something odd though,

His mum messaged me just as I received my job offer,

Apparently her n my “other half” wanted to check who had birthdays this week!. Two of my girls have birthdays but I don’t believe it for a second, it’s her that wanted to know!

It made me feel sick reading it, I was getting used to not worrying about him just turning up!

He pinged up on my eBay last night, he’s trying to sell stuff so obviously short on money! I can imagine why!

Lol he has listed keyrings and books! Not stuff that’s gonna make a lot.

Anyway, I told her I have a job n all I got was good luck with that and bye for now ???? like thanks ????????

Xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, sorry for late reply, been ill since Monday with tonsillitis so that’s been fun! Feeling somewhat human today thank god and throat isn’t as sore. So much has happened since we last spoke, kids stayed Sunday night he dropped the baby back he took the kids to school & picked them up, kids had a lovely time with him and seemed to have enjoyed themselves bless them as long as they are happy that’s the main thing! He asked for he’s passport when he dropped kids back as he had a interview on Tuesday, he then told me what job was I didn’t ask as didnt want to make a deal out of it and ask questions. He called me yesterday to see how I was feeling because he brought me some covid tests up when he dropped them off as wanted to rule that out as I felt rough! He also told me he got the job starts Thursday as he’s doing a job for a mate today, kinda wish I didn’t answer now tbh coz I stupidly text today even though it wasn’t about him, I mentioned that our son now has a sore throat and we’re dropping like flies, an no reply which is funny but typical! Its shown me ive learned a lot in this time and normally this would trigger me but it hasn’t! I just find hes behaviour bizarre even though I get it now and expect it so it doesn’t surprise me lol. Anyway enough about me. Well done you for getting the job that’s amazing! It’s going to do wonders for you doing something for you, so pleased for you, you deserve it! That is mad that he’s mum popped up maybe he’s testing the waters through her some how it’s so hard to trust their motives isn’t it when they don’t bother then pop up. Can’t believe she said good luck, clearly you doing well bothers her! How embarrassing selling things on eBay, and you can see desperate times calls for desperate measures eh! I really hope he don’t just pop up and throw you all off track as they seem to do, and my one is obviously trying too but it’s how I let it affect me and I won’t this time! Happy birthday to your girls for this week hope they have a lovely day! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey lovely!

Sorry you’ve been ill!

I hope your on the mend now!

Things like that spread so fast don’t they! I had a cough for weeks before Christmas, it was like glass in my throat x

I really don’t understand how they can swap and change things! They are the loveliest people when they are clear but in the back of their heads you know they are planning the next session! I don’t understand why they rnt up front about it!

Like , hey I will have the kids this day but I’m gonna be out of action for 3 days again after that…

So I’m sitting with all my girls, it’s my 2nd ones 18th and we’ve just done her pudding, I’m messaging you and he phones me!!….I instantly felt sick, I went up to my room and he was really quiet on the phone, all nice n friendly to me, he asked me to get some of his bits and leave them out on my drive…

I literally did that haha and I didn’t stay out to talk to him….I came back in and hid.

I guarantee he’s going to sell them! 100%

But I instantly felt bad and sick and I missed him…what is wrong with us ????!!!!

I have just messaged to say thank you for buying my girls cards n gifts and I told him that if he wants he can come and visit our little one on Saturday as the others won’t be here….I’ve done my bit now.

It’s mad that I even have feelings after everything he’s done! But im gonna try and steer clear of him! I’ve got a new job and I’ve been happy so im gonna do my best to remember that and stay away from him….

N yeah his mum was annoying, she didn’t like me speaking about him at all with my girls in the house, she tried to play it down and say she didn’t know what had gone on yet I told her!, as he kicked off I sent her the screen shots of all of it! It really annoys me that she try’s to act like I’ve blown it out to be so much worse! Lol so when she said that with her dismissive head I spoke out and said actually NO! I sent you the screen shots of what he was calling me, and the videos of him screaming about two of my girls!

– she didn’t like that at all

Thanks about the job! Im dreading the early mornings and leaving my little one! Haha I think im gonna find it really hard…annoyingly my child minder dropped me in it this morning so I’ve had to find a new one at the last minute…off to see her tomorrow, hopefully she’s nice!

1st day at work Friday and then 3 days next week and after that I will have half term ???? I will probably need it too!! Haha

I hope all goes well your end, i think my problem is that he’s not cheated so I don’t hate him like that, if he cheated I could stop having feelings but instead they choose to be dumb!

He’s really nasty to me too but for some reason I talk myself round all the time haha….anyway my big girls have decided that after the shock I need a trip to the sweet shop with them so I’m gonna take them up on it ???? xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, I’m feeling much better today, was aching felt hot & shivery the works my eldest the 13 has been doing so much to help from cooking school runs bless him not without moaning about it though! Can totally relate to that why don’t they just be upfront would make life so much easier and less headache but I suppose that’s the addiction side of it covering up and lying. Glad to hear your girl had a lovely birthday 18 wow officially an adult, bet it’s lovely having a girl that age. Why is it they wait until it’s a big day too when you have something to take your mind of them & they just pop up so annoying! Nice they dropped presents, do you reckon he’s mum bought them? No harm reaching out about the youngest I think you have learned like me how to detach and just focus on the kids you have to. Their mums are just as bad ain’t they, he’s mum is so uncaring it’s unreal no empathy and straight to the point which don’t help at times. Yes it’s so hard I wish it was that clear cut at times like they had cheated but then you still have to deal with them coz of the kids so either way it’s crap! Totally get the talking around you still love him it’s hard to just cut that off it takes time. Hope all goes well with the childminder and you like her that’s so important. It will be so strange for you working but just what you need! Do let me know how your first day goes so pleased for you. Thank you well he did call me about 6pm lol he asked how I was feeling & told me he just got back from hospital he’s mum had op on varicose veins she has been kept in over night he dropped stuff off to her. He did job today, and starts new one tomorrow hopefully it goes well for him, im not gonna get emotionally attached to the outcome I can’t anymore it made me so ill! He’s lovely despite the addiction that’s what makes it so sad. He said he would call tomorrow but again not holding him to it haha, just gonna take each day as it comes and carry on concentrating on what I need to do & myself that’s the best way I think! Xx

[littlehappy]

Hey lovely!

How’s you??,

So I started work Friday, god I couldn’t sleep!, neither could baby lol…I made sure I was early, all went well I think, it was hard cos you only get 15 minutes break to yourself during the whole day because your lunch break is sat with the kids so I only had a tiny gap of time to check on my little one!

I did it though, not sure how well I will get along with the other staff though as fridays one were quite up themselves haha, very quiet n watchy! ????

Kids were great though n that’s the most important bit

So he came today to see baby,

Originally I said let me know when so I can make sure she’s had a nap…I got a message this morning to say it would be at 5pm! Which I thought was a bit late…he’s not seen her in so long I expected him to try n come by lunchtime…anyway at five he messaged to say it would be later n the message after message n he eventually turns up at 7.10pm! By then she was knackered n yawning…

He started crying straight away which I tried to ignore

I didn’t want to say too much as we rnt together as far as I’m concerned, he’s still blocked n removed from everything as he went crazy at me.

But he decided to share his plans ????

He has two ideas!

1 – to sell clothes, people order through him and he uses a company to make n ship them so he’s just the middle man doing no work!

Or 2 – betting! ????

He made me sit through utube watching how it all works n he is convinced he’s going to make loads lol, crazy! I mean just go get a job seriously lol!!!!

Anyway he left by 9 but he’s been messaging me…I think he’s hoping I will keep replying, I don’t want to open up feelings

He did look cute when he was over…all be it very slim so obviously not eating a great deal!!

So how’s it your end?

Are you feeling better now! And did you hear from him again or find out how his jobs going?

Xxx

[redfox20]

Hey, I’m good thank you feeling much better now was awful being unwell on my own with the kids but I did it as you do! Glad to hear your first day went well always the way when you need sleep either you or Bubba can’t sleep well always happens to me. I find in a lot of childcare settings not all you get women like that which is a shame really but the kids are what make it so you can put up with that haha. At least he showed even if that late I would of told him to leave it, but it’s easier said than done you moan when they do nothing so you sort of accept it sometimes and bite you’re lip. Oh don’t how did you keep a straight face when he was showing you he’s money making schemes they are so full of bright ideas when the best idea would be to stop coke but hey ho! That’s good you’re staying strong not giving in to he’s messages, it will show him you’re not putting up with it anymore! Did hear from him tues he messaged lunchtime asked how me an kids were and said he’s at new job all going well. Then he called weds evening & Thursday around 6/30 ish to check in as he said. We spoke Friday evening as I messaged just to see how things are he’s mum not been to good with her breathing after op. He got back within 10 mins so he was waiting to hear from me I think lol, anyway yesterday I thought it was the weekend so probably won’t hear any didnt mind either way of course it’s nice to hear from him then he must of seen me online on WhatsApp as soon as I went on I see he’s name & “typing” I thought blimey he said he did job for a mate was home now and seeing how I was, we spoke again last night he sent me YouTube video was funny then out of no where he says I can pop up in the week after work if that’s okay? He never has initiated that only once before I think so I said yeah that’s okay be good to see you. Hes gone from 0/60 real quick so I’m trying to process it and not get blindsighted and stay strong & keep my boundaries, I don’t know if he’s up to something or he’s realised what he’s been doing who knows it’s hard to tell! But I don’t mind he’s company we get on well it’s just a shame he shuts me off everytime he uses I think that’s the shame side of it defo. Anyway so glad your well will update on here if he comes up and how that went lol x

[littlehappy]

Hey lovely,

So as ever, Sod’s law got me ????,

I went to see my sister and dad on Sunday, my little one was a bit off, not eating and sleeping for only maybe 20 minutes at a time…I put it down to her jabs as they gave her 4 at her year check up!

Anyway lol my dad is marrying his evil girlfriend next week so we had to go over the plans, she doesn’t like us kids because she hates my mum lol…long story but she also smokes a ton of weed….she’s quite ratty n has wangled a very nice ring! ???? 4 grand!

Anyway haha, I come home with an odd baby, get up Monday and she’s a bit better so off we go to settle her with her new child minder, all good but she was a bit odd when I picked her back up, sorta drugged up n staring into space, I got home n she ate so I didn’t think much more of it.

Well I had to do a Covid test ready for work, it only came back positive!!

I felt fine!

I then did each of my kids – all positive lol,

Poor baby must have picked up a germ from that child minder lol,

I woke up today n I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus!

Baby’s back to normal but now I’ve had to cancel my first week at work!

Keep all my kids home to isolate lol….and I had to call him!

I sent a text explaining that she had Covid so he should check himself, I got a call back last night but all he was interested in was finding out who her childcare was, where they lived and if they might know him!!

Luckily he got another call so I ignored him when he called me again!

It was a good smack back down to earth lol, he said nothing about her and if she was okay, nothing about if I could cope! He was huffy and blegh when I answered the call n he went straight into, “who are these women?, names? Where do they live?” ???? idiot!

Ah im happy for you if her does pull through,

Even if you can enjoy the effort while it’s there and like you said, keep your boundaries so you protect yourself from getting hurt.

I wish we lived closer! I think we make the perfect back up for each other as our lives are so similar, it’s not plain sailing is it haha

Let me know how he goes!,

As for me, im resting for a couple of days n then as I now have extra time again, im gonna try and pack up some of his stuff so it’s not in every room xx

[littlehappy]

Hiya ????

I thought I’d stop by n update you on me…

I hope your doing okay!

So I’ve got an all clear for Covid, doing my 2nd tomorrow so I can hopefully get back to normal soon!

Work called to check I was okay n I was in the middle the fever part of it so at least they know I wasn’t having fun haha

He didn’t seem to pay any attention to what I told him though!!

he asked to borrow my car (I know I’m too soft!)

And I said I couldn’t see him….

Next day he messages asking to see her!!?? Is he stupid or was he under some influence so didn’t really pay any attention to what I’d said lol,

I told him again that he couldn’t…

Then he started messaging me, telling me about his day and what his work was gonna be like…I had to shut him down because I don’t want him thinking it’s okay and I’ve forgotten what he’s done….he’s not even said sorry ????????‍♀️ So I was polite but got rid of him and haven’t contacted him at all…I keep thinking that I just don’t want to go back to tiptoeing around my house while he’s in bed drugged up or sit up all night because he wants company and put my job at risk….

He’s not changed in the time we’ve been together except to get worse so I’m doing the right thing….

I like feeling happy when I wake up not worried that he will find someone to lay into

Anyway, looks like I may get to my dads wedding after all ???? cannot wait! Haha

Take care of yourself n chat soon xxx

[littlehappy]

Omg

So like the idiot I am, he has still got my car, excuses after excuses as to why it’s one more day each time,

Tonight I finally said it hat I have appointments on Wednesday so want it back tomorrow…,

He try’s asking to use it around my appointments lol, as in take me to them! Controlling as ever!

I said no so he suddenly demands to take Baby from me Thursday…that’s my dads wedding n he hasn’t been told because he’s a looney and he’s messed up every occasion he’s ever been involved in

Well it hasn’t gone down well!

He demanded I hand over baby on Friday! Because he’s her dad!

He’s missed almost all of her life! How dare he!

Anyway I told him he can do a drug test before I let her go anywhere with him!

Then I told him that I’ve been there for her since day 1 and I would give my life to protect her so he better learn to speak to me with some respect!

I am beyond angry!

And I’m scared, she is my whole world and he is a drug addict!

A drug addict that has controlled my life and made it a living hell….I can’t imagine him clean and capable of looking after her because I’ve always been by her side to make sure she’s safe!

So I’m sat like an emotional wreck in the bath lol, I want my car back, I want him to disappear, I’ve been through the pregnancy and her 1st year alone! He was on drugs throughout her 1st birthday! How is it fair that he thinks I can just hand her over! Over my dead body! And then she’s got my girls to protect her lol…..I’m angry!

[alexandra]

I am having the same problems with my 26 year old son. He lives with his girlfriend and 3 year old little boy. They have a council house which could be lovely if he didn’t spend every penny he earns on wackiest baccy and cocaine. They have arguments and I have always let him stay here, but now I have said no. He is self employed so needs his licence in the last 4 weeks he has been pulled over by the police for drug driving twice, then they let him go and drive home! I am so worried he is going to hurt somebody through drugs when he is driving.

[littlehappy]

Hey

I’m really sorry to hear that,

He sounds the same, my partner has just turned 30, you wouldn’t know that though, when we met he had it all going for him, he dabbled in cocaine, weed and Mandy but only weekends and he was a manager for a big firm.

When lockdown came he had nothing better to do so turned to cocaine, then tried weed to get himself off it but it didn’t work and then to Mandy and beans (ecstasy).

On cocaine he would literally turn on me, all night rambling away happily but as he came down he would loose the plot and start putting me down but it would always end in a huge row because there was no stopping him as his brain wouldn’t let him.

He would go stay at his mums every few weeks after the biggest rows.

I told her in the end that he was using but she found it hard believing me, she knew it was true because I told her all the signs but she felt like it was her fault.

He spent most of last year living back at home and his outbursts turned to her, he said the most disgusting stuff.

Thing is, he thought he could just live at her house and use as much as he liked, always making excuses for still being awake in the morning,

He hid his baggies in beer cans so she wouldn’t see…I wish she had just called him out because he would have felt so embarrassed!.

I think getting caught is probably the only shock my other half may get that would shock him into sorting himself out, right now he thinks he can talk his way out of anything.

He also drives while he’s using, and always seems to get away with it. It’s the one thing that used to worry me because it stays in their system so long he surely must be dangerous all the time as he was using most nights.

Unfortunately if he has friends that use he will always have someone offering and giving him that urge, I’ve had to give up on my relationship because his best friend has no other friends and is constantly offering to buy ‘tickets’ and spend nights locked away in their bedrooms getting high and drunk chatting about memories instead of growing up. It’s crazy how much alcohol you can drink on cocaine, they would make their way through bottles of vodka and crates of beer.

Mine missed most of my pregnancy, he was high the morning I gave birth and he missed her 1st birthday all because he was with that friend off his face.

The only thing I wish is that my one’s mum would come and spend time with me and our baby so he can see that it’s him that’s missing out and has a problem. Unfortunately I’ve heard nothing from either of them and it makes me sad that his actions have stopped our little girl spending time with her nanny, he gets angry when she speaks about us, as if I’m causing problems but I just want him to see what is right in front of his face, he won’t get this time back and he’s stopping her having a relationship with her granddaughter too.

Xxx

[alexandra]

Hi Littlehappy

So sad to hear your story. They don’t realize how much they miss out on with small children. They are so clever and interesting doing new things every day. You say to my 3 year old grandson where’s daddy go and ask him to play with you, and he says daddies in bed he won’t play with me. It is so sad. My son doesn’t drink so I don’t really have that problem, he doesn’t get aggressive but he doesn’t eat anything nutritious just sweet stuff mostly through the night. He has been under an ENT consultant at the hospital for over a year now. When he got arrested the other day for drug driving second time in just over a month. The docs came to see him in the cell and told him that his nose was really badly infected and he needed to get it sorted. He had an appointment last Monday with the consultant but didn’t go. I’m going to ring his doctor in the morning to try and get him an appointment. Wish me luck x

[littlehappy]

It sounds like you’ve got your hands full sorting him out!, good luck with the doctors!.

I hope he sees sense and sorts himself out for his little one x

[careaboutyou]

Hi there, refuse to live in the hurricane…..all he says is in his addictive world, you are the sane one, you deserve the normal life. Cut all ties!! Remember an addict cannot be a Parent. Missing a child’s birthday is utterly unforgivable….Good luck.x

[redfox20]

Hey, sorry I did read your last post haven’t had a chance to get back. Glad to hear you’re feeling better after having COVID what timing eh with starting new job always the way! Sorry to hear he’s being a pain at the min could be he’s testing you as your not putting up with it anymore and he’s clearly trying to control you. Hope you get car back do you think he knows about the wedding as bit of a coincidence that he’s got it? I think that maybe you could have that as a boundary that he cannot use your car anymore it’s entirely up to you though of course! I don’t blame you being overprotective especially over the baby I’m the same even though i know she’s safe with him but feel like she’s more mine because I like you have done practically everything for her. Try relax enjoy you’re bath don’t let him get to you easier said than done I know. Sending love x

[littlehappy]

Hey

I hope your good,

I took some time out after everything that was going on,

COVID’s all clear now and I made it to my dads wedding which was nice, he actually looked happy so I’m really happy for him.

As for the not so nice other half…no change really.

I messaged and asked if he wanted to see baby as he had made such a huge thing about wanting to take her alone…I heard nothing until this morning, I am fairly certain that he had been up all night as in all my years of knowing him he has never been up early and the message I received first thing this morning was saying that he wouldn’t make it over until after 6pm which actually turned out to be 7.30.

He came and sort of half heartedly played with her, watched her eat dinner and then after an hour he made a comment about my older daughter hating him for some strange reason and got up and left just like that…I have no idea why or where it came from, he was really strange and unfriendly.

He literally went from videoing baby to getting straight up and leaving, my girls were all up in there rooms so god knows what suddenly switched in his head… I’m sorta glad he left. I really don’t recognize him anymore and it scares me a bit how he just changes the way he does.

It’s probably good because I’d missed him today haha, so much change going on at my house, new job, kids stuff n house bits, I’m feeling overwhelmed and I have no one to tell or get advice from.

It can be quite lonely when you least expect it

How’s your world and your man?

Doing well I hope ???? xx

[littlehappy]

So I got out

I chose peace

I chose my children

And I choose the light at the end of the tunnel

It’s been the worst 6 years of my life but I’m getting there and I’m happy.

So jubilee he tried his last game,

Turned up over and over,

Sometimes being nice and playing the sad card

He turned up with another girl to try and make me jealous

And he turned up trying to tell me I could go out, that I thrives on letting other men see me,

Tried telling me when and where he would be seeing his daughter.

Then on the last day I knew he would cause more upset so I had my phone recording, he tried telling me what I would do and when I said no he stood with a nasty laugh and attempted to tell my girls lies about me, disgusting stuff that no child needs to hear.

So I kicked him out and called the police.

I filled for a non molestation order and I made the decision to be done.

It’s been hard at times because I don’t understand how anyone could be like that but also because I’ve lived in hell for so long and now I’ve had to be strong.

Today I finally got 90% of my belongings back, I have a friend!

And after all these years of only having him I am so happy, my house is happy, my kids are happy and I am looking forward.

Still his mum won’t acknowledge what he’s done but I really don’t care, he is still using, still angry.

Working two jobs yet broke.

He sees our little girl on Saturdays but out of the 4 days he’s missed 2 due to excuses and instead of being understanding and swapping days I’ve actually been strong and said no!

I will not let my baby get swapped about while he takes drugs!, if he can’t step up he will miss out.

I am back in contact with all my family too.

It’s hard, really hard but that day he overstepped the mark was enough, I deserve to be with someone who adores me.

I’m getting back on track after all this time and it feels good xx

[redfox20]

Hey! Been thinking about you & wondering how your getting on. I did think that maybe you’ve had a lot on and that may be why you’ve not been on here. Oh wow sounds like you’ve truly been through the ringer! He’s completely out of control isn’t he, you’ve done the right thing and it must feel so good to finally be able to close that door and be done! You deserve so much better and to be happy with your girls which sounds like your doing just that! How lovely to have got a friend too it helps so much doesn’t it, and it feels good to put that energy somewhere else too. I’m so glad despite it all you’ve got your family back and your getting back on track. How’s the new job going too? Did you start? Xx

[k22]

Hi, I have read about the situation you have been in and It seems that’s the best and maybe the only way you could of gone to escape from the toxic energy’s and it’s probably one of the hardest moves you have had to of done and you have achieved in all ways from saving your mental health to putting your family first and that’s real and shows who you really are as a person and apart from your children it’s all about you at the moment and you have seem to have made the correct decision no matter how much it hurts but time can be a great healer and taking the steps you have took is a major part of the pain and I wish I could tell you that he will change and not put the drugs first but to be frank its to late and a person will only give up if they really want to stop for themselves not anyone else it really doesn’t work if someone thinks they can stop for someone well they can’t it really has to be.what they want and unit that time happens everything will stay the same day in day out week after week, month after month and year after year and then into decades and it is easier done, you really have made the best decision anyone could of made. KeepSmiling KeepSafe, 1Love from K22 (KATCH22)

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