[gemz37]

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I feel I need to share my story in order to start my life again.

I have been a addict for over 10 years, using on weekends as a party drug.

It’s now taken over my life! Started once a week to twice a week and now I’m using every day!

Im so ashamed of myself. I have just tipped a bag down the toilet for the first time because I can’t don’t it anymore it’s ruining my life!

I feel like I can’t get away from it! Work colleagues, friends and family members use it.

I want to turn my life around and stop it all off. Not only do I abuse the drug but I binge drink each time too.

Im starting to feel like my body is suffering both mentally and physically!

Im considering CA meetings.

I have found myself using it purely out of boredom too. It’s come to the point where I hate feeling normal!

[shithappens]

Hi Gemz, well done on making your decision. Going to meetings and reading forum messages helps me a lot. In a life where I am surrounded by drinkers and addicts I find it very useful to go to a meeting and be just sat in a group of people who are coping with daily life issues, clean and sober. At meetings they talk about working the steps, but just meeting and having a chat with a stranger there can be an eye opener to. It’s seems like a great burden if lifted off my shoulders when I chat to someone about my issues,,, it’s as if they get it. I don’t drink or use drugs and don’t want to be around such people but people who have never been addicts don’t know how it is to be in “recovery”. In my life, my world, there is still drink and drugs all around me but just not inside me,, but the affects of it persist. Group meetings have people who have been there, done it and are try moving on in non judgemental, helpful compassionately being there for each other. Do consider AA meetings to, best of luck with the future.

[kulstar]

Gemz, a pleasure to respond however I bet you wish it wasn’t under these circumstances

So….you’ve tipped a bag down the toilet, wow….the old me would’ve gone stuck my hand down the toilet and tried to ressurect it somehow, the old me would’ve been sniffing the floor for any crumbs so you know what…WELL DONE!!!

Thats quite a big step to take and you may look at this as your turning point. Recovering addicts all do.

Don’t be ashamed of yourself, the drug does that, we all have a choice but the enticement is too strong until…..you say enough is enough and you begin to regain your life

Yes – the many times I tried to quit normal life seemed dull, nothing excited me more than a great big slug, nothing seemed the same….then I quit 6 months ago.

Coke numbs your emotions so even though you recieve natural positive energy back (ie watching a comedy show, love from your kids, partner, family, friends, a new car, watching your team score a goal, watching a great film or whatever you’re into) you won’t be able to process it. The drug does this and tricks you into thinking only a line or a bag will give you eternal happiness. What an utter load of nonsense this is. This is the internal beast within your mind playing, literally playing with you encouraging you to ring that dealer, do it, do it, tempting you like a waste of space this internal beast is. Remember what life was like before coke? Maybe you don’t but I bet you smiled, had jokes and generally enjoyed life.

Now this is where it gets interesting, give the spirit within you some air, let it express itself, its been hiding for far too long get quashed by the beast. The spirit because its been hidden or ignored for so long during the first few days of the comedown won’t seem like much. Make it your mantra that today is the day I don’t take coke. One day at a time, let the spirt wrestle back control just a little. The beast will kid you, nah mate, you’re all mine, you’ll comeback to me eventually, you always do you pathetic cretin. This is literally what the beast is saying a few days in.

You get to choose, you really do, just have some faith my friend. The spirt within a few weeks (I know this sounds horrendous right now) will start to get stronger like a muscle, the beast coming at you stronger and stronger. Watch this an observer playing out over and over in your mind – you’ll get clarity this way.

A few weeks in, the world WILL look different. You’ll start to tentatively smile, laugh and perhaps feel a little love and maybe will be able to give some genuine love back. More you give back more you’ll get back. Before you may have received it but it didn’t register. Now as the shackles are slowly starting to come off, you’ll feel more.

I’m now 6 months in and I get chemical hits all day from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. No more thinking of how do I get through tomorrow, no more dealer drops, dodgy exchanges on backstreet corners with the dealer looking at me like the waste of space I was having not slept for 3 or 4 days. No more lies (oh gawd the lies, they became exhausting but the beast just said to me lets keep lying, everyones so stupid, you the man, lets sniff sniff sniff!!!), no more missed meals with my blessed wifey and kids. I’m now in the room, in this world as a man to serve a purpose, a man on mission to carry his load and to make my families shoulders that much lighter.

So…..you have a choice my dear friend…..be strong, have faith and courage and go forth. See the drama within you playing out, don’t ignore the beast, respect it, acknowledge it and then just 😉 at it and say, not today bruv, not today….the days roll into weeks, weeks into months and although I am not blessed to say I am into years as tomorrow is never promised but by heck I’m going to try

Keep well 🙂

[gemz37]

Wow,

Thank you so much for your reply! It came in just at the right time as I feel like I’m ready to relapse.

Iv not touched any since I emptied that last bag and I’m determined to keep it that way.

I am attending a CA meeting this evening, it’s keeping my focused as it’s Friday evening and we all know how Fridays go.

Iv had a few coke friends message me asking what my plans are this evening, iv told them I’m busy.

The only real pain I’m suffering with is my body, I’m sleeping too much and my muscles ache so bad it’s making me want to get some just to help with that. But no! I’m keeping strong!

Your words really hit home with me, especially me having no emotion, no real love to feel and im taking it back!

Well done on 6 months clean….fantastic. Hopefully I will be helping others like yourself in 6 months time.

Take care

Gemma xx

[kulstar]

Bless you. Trust me mate, all you had to do was mention Coke on a Friday morning and I’d be there by the evening, that Friday feeling, weekend vibes etc. Many of us use alcohol and many substances to escape from the life we ought to live at the weekend, it becomes a vicious circle, a Debbie Downer Monday / Tuesday, Wednesday a lil chipper, Thursday – well yeah, i’m not bad actually, Friday – yeah baby, party time, it was fine really……until the downers are so bad on a Monday that you need to start to taking it to get through the week to function and then Friday to party….

Well done on knocking your coke friends back, it’ll take a lot to break the so called friendship but hold strong. I haven’t changed my circle of friends, I just don’t do coke any more, simples. I no longer have mates around until early hours of the morning while we rack up (family asleep upstairs). I’ve seemingly found new friends (don’t force this, with the new Gemma and reinvigorated vibes you’ll send off this will come naturally) as I’ve emptied out my late night gatherings and created space for new experiences

You’re tired because you’ve exhausted your body, lack of sleep, poor quality of sleep, terrible nutrition (with perhaps alcohol?), lack of vitamins, poor hygiene etc. My first week or so recovering was spent practically sleeping, crying, eating a little, rinse and repeat

I’m glad my words around no emotion hit home. No one ever says giving up this world was the worst thing they ever did.I used to believe that yes i’ll go on this new path but the old path was just so exciting wasn’t it? No……you have to truly create the live you want to live, not live the life you used to have minus all the bad stuff, that’s no good for you either else you’ll always believe you’re missing out or feel empty inside.

Have a read of my previous posts which might give you some more insight…

[d08an2412]

Well done ! Your doing so well & love you are doing meeting & yes Friday meetings as that’s your vulnerability day . In my own experience going to meetings everyday you can help so much . For me hearing the speaker & there stories was key for me so please attend as many as you can . But must say proud of you & your decision to turn things round to make you life better

[9dartdanny]

Well done Gemma!

[scousecharlie]

Hi gem I’m in the same person predicament I’d be bored out my head also it’s going to be real tough

[gemz37]

Iv ended up back on it again, I’m sick of it…. I’m struggling so hard and finding I needing it daily!

[scousecharlie]

Same, possibly boredom, cba just sitting their all night trying to concentrate watching a shit film when I can chill drink and put music on and then just chat shit, I enjoy it and not doing any harm I suppose

To anyone

[9dartdanny]

Ahh Dam sorry to hear that. I’m thinking about doing it again after being off it for a couple of weeks! It’s a nightmare isn’t it. Have you got anything you can get up to over the weekend to keep you busy?

[gemz37]

Don’t do it!! You have gone a few weeks, I’d give anything to say that these days. I’m just about managing the odd day or 2 off it.

I’m finding myself doing it now to do daily things, ie cleaning the house. Not even fun anymore. If I do t have it I’m exhausted and nothing gets done! I guess being a single mum of 2 and working/driving is becoming unbearable. Not to mention money worries, only to escape on that, which is costing me more! I attended a CA meeting the other week, I found it useful but I just don’t have the time to go.

Drinking and using is my only enjoyment (if you want to call it that) more escape from every day burdens of life!

[9dartdanny]

I know how you feel, it’s hard just doing the so called menial life stuff without that added help which we both know isn’t actually helping!!

I’m sorry you are going through it right now but you really are not on your own. It would be wrong of me to preach as I’m also struggling but yea I’m with ya as many are 🙂

[9dartdanny]

I know how you feel, it’s hard just doing the so called menial life stuff without that added help which we both know isn’t actually helping!!

I’m sorry you are going through it right now but you really are not on your own. It would be wrong of me to preach as I’m also struggling but yea I’m with ya as many are 🙂

[9dartdanny]

I know how you feel, it’s hard just doing the so called menial life stuff without that added help which we both know isn’t actually helping!!

I’m sorry you are going through it right now but you really are not on your own. It would be wrong of me to preach as I’m also struggling but yea I’m with ya as many are 🙂

[9dartdanny]

So good I sent it three times ????????

[9dartdanny]

How’s it going!?

[Anonymous]

Hi Gemma I’ve had a horrendous time on Cocaine pal I’ve hit lower than rock bottom Cocaine seems to be the problem in 2022 I was addicted to it for years I got myself off it and if you want to know how message me I turned my life around what you want to do and I think you will benifit from my story just direct message me I can help

[9dartdanny]

Did you seek help? Or on your own?

[Anonymous]

I seeked help and stuff was still getting in bro I tell all my stories buddy you will understand them better on my vlog on YouTube if you want to subscribe I do alot from addictions to trauma and depression etc.. Had 15 years experience of addiction

Message me directly if you want to be part of my channel you might get help from it.. I have helped a good few people

Especially with Cocaine Addictions and alcohol

[mjdoubleu]

Hi Gem.

You must be strong and keep yourself busy.

My wife is in the same position as you.

She sleeps so very much but I know that she needs to as the pain is intense.

She was clean for 3 weeks until Friday and she is now kicking herself as she was doing so well.

I used myself at the weekends but could see it creeping into the week and I decided that enough was enough. That was a year ago now.

Unfortunately my wife continued using without me knowing and it nearly destroyed her.

You must try and focus on the future now. Forget the past as it will only haunt you.

If at all possible avoid those who use or encourage you. If they know that you are trying to quit then they aren’t true friends.

Have you any family you can lean on? As that is so important.

Please Continue going to CA. Especially on a Friday. It really helps my wife as those who attend are all there to heal. Confide in them, let them in. Get a WhatsApp group txt going with those you click with as they will be there for you when you feel weak or tempted.

Trust me. Be comforted that You are not alone Gem.

You will get through this and be you again.

All the best

MJ

[strugglingmike]

Hi Gemz,

Flushing down the bag was definitely a brave move and it’s a great start, I really think I know where are you coming from. Cocaine is the devil, believe you me. Have faith, you can overcome.

Not sure if it would help you but I have always felt that jotting down some affirmations in to your personal diary every morning can give you a perspective to make the right choice.

Good luck, friend. You can overcome.

[kasmum]

Keep up your strength Gemz, make good choices. Well done for flushing it. You can do this x

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