[mik1445]

Hi everyone,

I cant believe its come this for me .

Iv never been a big drinker or drug user .

But the last two years iv have been using cocaine .

I have 2 kids and a amazing girlfriend.

Im not a big user , but every time i have the house to myself thats when i use

I hate my self for it ..

I guess my story isnt anything new or special .

I just cant seem to beat that craving . I have used at work a few times Recently which is shamfull.

Im a competitive bodybuilder and have always been pretty fit and healthy..

Everytime i tell my self this is the last time . I think i can do it ..but i cant and i hate myself for it .

No one i know has any idea .

Its Really not like me at all to be this weak .

Thanks for reading guys

[moose55]

Hi,

It’s good that you know that it is a problem before it has got too out of hand but it does need to stop. My sister is currently going through Cocaine withdrawal and that started out as just a few hits a month.. then it turned into every day…

In the last 6 months, she lost her job, she stole money twice from new job places, she’s lost all her friends because she conned them into lending her money, she’s been kicked out of my parents home 5 time’s, she has absolutely no money and is in over £10,000 worth of debt to my parents. She’s also just going through an abortion because she forgot to take her contraception in the middle of getting high.. she has literally hit rock bottom and she is 30 years old. This all started as a ‘weekend thing’.

If you really don’t want to lose your girlfriend and 2 kids, you need to seek help before it is too late because Cocaine will destroy everything. What my parents and I are going though is unbelievable and I don’t wish it upon anyone. Please seek help before you lose your entire life..

[kel1]

I absolutely agree with Moose55, cocaine destroys the person which filters down to family members and it is literally hell! I’ve been thru hell. My once loyal, lovely kind man is now a monster that no one recognizes.

Our relationship of 22 years completely broke down after months of using this drug. At first I didn’t know but it didn’t take long until I worked out something was very wrong. The lies, deceitfulness, mood swings, aggressiveness, blame, cheating etc was relentless.

Now, he is a shell of the man I knew. He started out apparently as a weekend user but now he is on that crap all the time.

God only knows what debt he has got into. Our family breaking up wasn’t his rock bottom which in it’s self is heartbreaking.

I ended up having a break down, lost weight, hair fell out and nearly killed me.

So yeh get help – seriously take note here. That drug is lethal and people on it find it hard to control or come off it.

[mik1445]

Hi guys

Thank you so much for sharing , I feel i cant portry how much I appreciate it just from trying words on here .

But reading both your stories is an eye opener!

I feel i havent really caused much damage yet ,

But im just every obessive about things , like hobbies , i cant just have a hobbie i turn it into everything and want to know everything about

Like with bodybuilding or music , i have to be 10000%

I so guess im worried that will cross over into cocaine

And i dont have any friends to talk to about it or family that would understand and I wouldn’t want them to know , they have no idea im struggle with this at the minute and i feel at this point if they did it could course more problems than solve any as my life from the outside looking in looks great ..

But i guess most peoples do ..

So i feel i have made the right choice coming here before i get the stage where it really taking over .

I havent touched the stuff in 2 weeks , i have been tempted

And for no other reason than iv had a bit of spear money and had a few hours to my self which is shameful.

So what i have been doing is

Putting the money away for a holiday (hopefully this year) or buying little treats for the family.

And if the urge comes insed of wasting time trying to think of a way to justify it , this is how my head works ,”iv worked sixy hour this week

And been a good dad /partner, iv got a few hours to myself so why not ..’

Im trying to re-train myself from that ridiculous thought pattern . So a walk could do it

Recording some music ..

Painting the kitchen (which iv been saying id so for the last year ! )

Il admit it dosemt always work and il be a little moody and shut off and when my partner ask whats wrong i just tell her im tired or had s bad day at work, then i try again the next day

I think my problem is trying to get it out of my head thats it a reward, i dont drink or smoke so i think as silly as it sounds i see using as ‘”me time”

This is what usally do ..

If i know im off work and not got the kids are at the grandparents and my partners at

I get what i need as early as i can once im the only one in thr house then i will literally spend the day cleaning the house while completely paranoid then i try and be done with it 1-2 hours before anyone is due to be home so i can try and start to feel somwhst normal again.

I wont leave the house as im so ashamed of it .

Sorry for such a long post

And the horrendous spelling and punctuation.

And thank you again x

[kel1]

Have you spoken to the doctor about the obsessive behaviours? Could be something underlying going on there.

As for the reward, have you explored much about cocaine addiction? Cocaine acts by binding to dopamine – reward pathway. That might explain alot, so it’s worth doing some reading.

Being moody and shut off could be “cravings” so it’s best starting to understand what they are and working out strategies in dealing with them

All of what you’ve said is understandable, and well done for trying to manage this alone. Have you not thought about going to your local drugs service for additional support?

It’s good you’re reaching out and trying, however you might want to work out what drove you to use in the first instance and go from there.

I would recommend going for some additional help.

Keep going

[mammavic]

Admitting you have a problem is a great place to start. My daughter has been regularly using for at least 2 years. Even on Christmas Day and at a household bbq during lockdown. I’d love her to just be honest with us, the lies are so destructive. I wish you lots of love and strength and from a family members perspective, the truth however ugly it is, is far better than the breach of trust.

[Author]

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