[lostsoul2021]

I’ve been a drug user for about 10 years but only taking cocaine whilst out with friends. About 6 years ago I was offered crack for the first time and my life as spiralled, my relationship started taking the brunt of it, but which I never thought I was doing wrong and always blamed her yet all she did was try to help me and I always promised over over that it was my last and I’d go 2 weeks but on the 3rd week I’d always cave then arguments started again.

So after 5 years of her putting up with my ways and false promises she’s kicked me out, I tried talking to her but she said I had to prove myself but because I was bored at my mums on weekends I just done it again n again and this is when things got worse.

After 4 months of been kicked out n still trying to talk to her I met a new group of friends and one night I met a girl 10 years younger than me and one think led to another she liked partying and taking drugs just like me so after 2 weeks of meeting her & partying I told my ex I met someone new and she was devastated but I give up trying to go back home and the shiny new toy I found was all that mattered. She more or less moved in with me and we took drugs most days whilst we both held down our jobs. I never spoke to my ex for 4 months then I started getting sick and realised I wanted my ex back because reality hit and I just blanked everything out for my ex with cocaine/crack and my new girlfriend was all that mattered and u destroyed my ex but I didn’t care because in my eyes she wouldn’t let me back.

Then as I was going to end relationship to go back to my ex, my new girlfriend found out she was pregnant and wanted to keep it snd from that moment she stopped her drugs. I’ve been absolutely devastated by all this because once I calmed down on the drugs I’ve realised she’s not a nice looking person & certainly not a person I would go for. So out of guilt despite al this depression from my new situation with a woman I don’t love and never have, I’ve stayed with her because I feel obligated too out of guilt!! We’ve been together about 13 months now and I still don’t love her but I’ve planned on staying until the baby is born then leave but I don’t know how I will when I’ve felt too guilty doing it through the pregnancy? All I want is to be back home with my ex because even though we’ve been split all this time with baby on the way I still haven’t moved on from her. She talks to me now as friends but my crack taking as become worse since it all and now I get into arguments with new girlfriend over me doing it now. I don’t know if I’m blocking the reality of it all out with it? I do care for girlfriend but just not love, will a relationship work without love if I can’t find the courage to leave? Sorry for the long post guys. Can drugs really cloud my judgment that Much of a persons looks sort of like beer goggles because I’m finding it hard to see how I’ve someone how managed to even go there with her when I don’t find her attractive but I will admit that she fitted into my life style at the time because no1 was moaning at me and I was just always wrecked with her and now I just feel stuck, I tell myself I’ll leave when she gives birth then I think how I do it when the baby is here? Or is love not coming because I’m still getting high and still love my ex? I really don’t know!! No1 will ever come close to my ex she was the best thing I had and I realised when it was too late because I wasn’t bothered about anything because drugs blanked everything out, even when she would ring me I would ignore her all calls & texts and I was a dick and all she wanted was for me to be “normal” and help me and I jumped straight into the arms off a a woman 10years younger than me and at the time I thought it was brilliant I was high on life! I’ve lost my 11 year relationship & home because I thought my new girlfriend was my way forward until I stopped doing as many drugs and now I’m taking more crack/ cocaine again and it’s causing more arguments now my girlfriend doesn’t take them

[redfox20]

Alright mate, wow you have got into a bit of a mess there haven’t you. Firstly if you have realised you have got a problem go get some professional help to get off the drugs. This will help your mental state and help you make sound decisions about your life going forward. I think honesty is the best way forward here I think leaving her when the baby is born is not the way to do it. Whether she’s who you like or love or not it’s just not fair to do it that way, be there for your child if you can but I’d tell her before then how you feel. With your ex that will take time you have hurt her a lot you know this but again it comes back to you being clean as that it what caused this chain of events in the first place. Hope this helped.

[lostsoul2021]

A very big mess to say the least! The thing is I don’t think I’m ready to admit properly for professional help even though I need to stop if that makes sense? I won’t leave straight after the baby but I think it’s wise I leave eventually then I get into my head that the baby coming will bring the love for her even though I know it probably won’t but I just argue with my own self al the time about different scenarios that might happen. Thank you for taking your time reading my long post and helpful advice

[redfox20]

Hi I totally get that that’s why most people who struggle with drugs do I suppose coz they won’t ask for help. Can I ask what do you think is stopping you from doing that? I think you will feel closer to her as she’s given birth to your child but as a woman she may get even closer to you as you both share a child. I’d do it beforehand let her get her head round it and calm down before baby is born. I think it would be wise to seek that help mate as it’s the cause of all your problems and it will be hard but it gets easier and your life will be so much better. No worries hope it helped somewhat.

[lostsoul2021]

It has helped and I don’t know really and I do actually enjoy smoking it then the next day I think to myself never again and when I’ve tried to stop I can never get over the 3 week mark ever and that’s where all the problems from my old relationship stemmed from because of me saying “ that was my last” even through this pregnancy I planned on sorting myself out but I haven’t, I still haven’t moved on from my old relationship even though I have a girlfriend and baby on the way & it was me who “moved” on first but I think I’m still struggling to stop & forget my old relationship and it’s not helping that I text her most of the time, just in a friendly manor then I stop thinking it’s wrong then I can’t help myself but to text her again, this has been going on for the last 8 months talking to her regular and I can’t seem to stop! my life’s just one bit mess

[redfox20]

It is hard it’s a vicious cycle with drugs, but the only way to stop it is to get professional help some can quit on their own but not many can. Of course this has to be when your ready to do it. I think everything is a little overwhelming for you at the moment and drugs don’t help with this either as you will struggle then need to use. It sounds like you have realised what you have missed with your ex and have a lot of regret. You rushed into this new relationship a rebound type of thing and that’s totally normal but it’s all got out of hand. I would sit down tell her how you feel maybe take some time alone and concentrate on yourself for a while.

[lostsoul2021]

I’m taking the drugs to blank things out also cos that’s the only time I do forget about everything

[lostsoul2021]

I’ve wanted to time & time again but then I can’t get it out of my mouth. I’ve ended it a couple of times then some how I end up back because I feel guilty and don’t want to cause her or baby stress. I just don’t know how long I can go pretending because I know the baby won’t make me love her and I’m already distant with her but it’s all my own doing I’ve got myself into this mess, I just never in a million years thought I’d be in this situation when I first met her but in some ways I think she wanted to get pregnant but what’s done is done but thank you for all your help I really appreciate it

[redfox20]

Yeah it’s a tough one you don’t want to hurt her & leading her on isn’t good either you already know this as you go back and forth with it already. I hope you can sort it out and stay civil with her for your child. We never know what can happen in life but we can control our own happiness and outcomes by making good choices and drugs don’t allow this as you well know. And yeah it’s an escape I get that different people have different reasons as to why they use etc my ex says boredom but I think he’s not addressing the real reason. Hope you’re okay mate!

[lostsoul2021]

I’ve used that excuse “bored” many times but really when it comes down to it it’s just me wanting it, I can’t settle until I have it. My new girlfriend just fit into my life at the time because she used cocaine with me ( she never smoked crack) and she liked to party just as much as me so I had no1 nagging at me to stop because she was doing it with me. Time passed so quick and by the time I cut down and really actually looked at what I’d done it was too late because she was pregnant and I do feel awful on her because I shouldn’t have ever got into a new relationship, I should have tried to fix the one I broke but I blamed my ex for everything when really al the problems stemmed from my drug taking. My girlfriend isn’t attractive one bit and I know looks aren’t everything but I don’t know what I was thinking. But I’ve made my bed now and I’m trying to make it work for our baby’s sake because despite everything she is a nice person I just have to put me not loving her aside & help look after baby and hopefully I can cut my drug taking but thank you to those who’ve took time to read my long post and posting replies

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